Friday, March 31, 2006
I Know I'm Unreasonable But I Don't Care
I know I can be really unreasonable sometimes. Heck, you know I can be unreasonable sometimes (well, maybe, all the time). But to be honest, sometimes I just don't care. I just can't be bothered. I'm sick of caring about what other people think. I'm tired, you know. I have a life - my life. I don't want to waste my time worrying about what other people might think of the way I speak or behave.
I've been stressing out lately. Don't ask me what. It's just a whole range of things, all combined together into one throbbing headache.
So can you blame me for being more unreasonable than usual?
Why is it that some people ask you to accept them as they are, yet demand you to change who you are? How is that fair, I ask you? I realize that I, too, demand change in people... I know I shouldn't, but I do it anyway, because I have a fairly high standard of expectation in people. I expect you to live up to it, even though I should know that you can't live up to it. As long as you don't dictate my life, I'm fine. So stop telling me about how I'm acting in such a horrible way, because you do it too. Stop telling me to keep your so-called secrets, when you're going around announcing to everyone. Stop acting like you know me so much, because you don't know me at all.
I realise that I can be mean, petty, childish and so on... but can you please admit that you have flaws too? Is that so hard to do?
I'm mean, because I'm moody and depressed and stressed. Can you see that? Sometimes, it's because of something you did.. something that hurt me, so I want to take revenge and hurt you back. Petty, I know. But I never said I was mature, did I?
I'm childish, and I complain and whine about trivial stuff... but that's because I need to get my mind off certain other, serious things. You're childish too, sometimes. Why is it called "fooling around and being fun" when it's you, but simply called "whiny and childish" when it's me? What's with the double standard?
I'm tired of being around certain people. I need to distance myself from them for a while. They're not good for me at all. All they do is agitate me. I don't have time for this. Not now. Actually, not ever.
I can't do this - this whole change-myself-for-the-better. It's not fair. You're unreasonable too, yet you insist you're in the right, and I'm in the wrong. Why should I change myself? Can we just tell each other how much we hate each other's guts and get this over with? Can we just be honest, no matter how brutal? Isn't honesty the best policy?
Except that honesty hardly ever works in real life, does it? It only comes back and stabs you in the back. I had too much experience with "honesty" and "confrontation" in the past. Nothing good ever comes out from it. All you get is pain and more pain.
So I shall continue life as normally as I could. Whatever that means, anyway. I'll pretend I don't hate you, pretend you don't hurt me, pretend you don't stress me out. Life works out better that way.
I've been stressing out lately. Don't ask me what. It's just a whole range of things, all combined together into one throbbing headache.
So can you blame me for being more unreasonable than usual?
Why is it that some people ask you to accept them as they are, yet demand you to change who you are? How is that fair, I ask you? I realize that I, too, demand change in people... I know I shouldn't, but I do it anyway, because I have a fairly high standard of expectation in people. I expect you to live up to it, even though I should know that you can't live up to it. As long as you don't dictate my life, I'm fine. So stop telling me about how I'm acting in such a horrible way, because you do it too. Stop telling me to keep your so-called secrets, when you're going around announcing to everyone. Stop acting like you know me so much, because you don't know me at all.
I realise that I can be mean, petty, childish and so on... but can you please admit that you have flaws too? Is that so hard to do?
I'm mean, because I'm moody and depressed and stressed. Can you see that? Sometimes, it's because of something you did.. something that hurt me, so I want to take revenge and hurt you back. Petty, I know. But I never said I was mature, did I?
I'm childish, and I complain and whine about trivial stuff... but that's because I need to get my mind off certain other, serious things. You're childish too, sometimes. Why is it called "fooling around and being fun" when it's you, but simply called "whiny and childish" when it's me? What's with the double standard?
I'm tired of being around certain people. I need to distance myself from them for a while. They're not good for me at all. All they do is agitate me. I don't have time for this. Not now. Actually, not ever.
I can't do this - this whole change-myself-for-the-better. It's not fair. You're unreasonable too, yet you insist you're in the right, and I'm in the wrong. Why should I change myself? Can we just tell each other how much we hate each other's guts and get this over with? Can we just be honest, no matter how brutal? Isn't honesty the best policy?
Except that honesty hardly ever works in real life, does it? It only comes back and stabs you in the back. I had too much experience with "honesty" and "confrontation" in the past. Nothing good ever comes out from it. All you get is pain and more pain.
So I shall continue life as normally as I could. Whatever that means, anyway. I'll pretend I don't hate you, pretend you don't hurt me, pretend you don't stress me out. Life works out better that way.
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:30 AM
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fate crumbled all around 1 comments
Monday, March 27, 2006
Humour Can Be A Double-Edged Blade
Funny how humour can be such a double-edged blade. We use it to connect with others, get acquainted with strangers... but at the same time, we use it as a shield of defence, as a way to protect ourselves from being hurt.
What is it about putting up a front that appeals to us so much? Why are we so afraid to reveal whom we really are? Are we afraid of being embarassed? Or are we simply afraid of being hurt? (Because we have been hurt so many times before)
Maybe it's because that's the only way we can feel safe - by hiding behind an invisible wall. Hoping that no one will ever find out, yet desperately hoping someone will just tear it down.
What is it about putting up a front that appeals to us so much? Why are we so afraid to reveal whom we really are? Are we afraid of being embarassed? Or are we simply afraid of being hurt? (Because we have been hurt so many times before)
Maybe it's because that's the only way we can feel safe - by hiding behind an invisible wall. Hoping that no one will ever find out, yet desperately hoping someone will just tear it down.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:54 PM
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fate crumbled all around 1 comments
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Some People Really Piss Me Off
Sometimes, I can get so freaking pissed off at people. Just makes me wanna scream at them and tear my hair out of frustration.
Every time I feel guilty about being mean to some people, they just piss me off all over again.
I know I'm being unreasonable, and I'll probably feel bad for being so mean later, but now... I don't really give a damn.
I guess I just can't be close friends with some people, despite the fact that we can get on well sometimes. He's childish, and so am I. And we clash all the time.
Okay, already I'm regretting my harsh words. But I'm too stubborn to say sorry or anything else.
Every time I feel guilty about being mean to some people, they just piss me off all over again.
I know I'm being unreasonable, and I'll probably feel bad for being so mean later, but now... I don't really give a damn.
I guess I just can't be close friends with some people, despite the fact that we can get on well sometimes. He's childish, and so am I. And we clash all the time.
Okay, already I'm regretting my harsh words. But I'm too stubborn to say sorry or anything else.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:01 PM
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fate crumbled all around 2 comments
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Breaking Down
I broke down last night. It was so stupid, really. I was so desperate for some company, and so desperate to get out of the house that I rang a friend. He had dropped me home earlier, and I thought maybe he was still nearby. It was so embarassing, the way I babbled into the phone, and never even told him who I was. He must have noticed I was kinda distressed, because later on, another friend texted me and rang me up to see if I was okay. I even rang up another friend, thinking he'd be at uni, studying. That was how desperate I was to escape the house - I'd rather go to uni (at night)! He was at home, though. By then, I couldn't even stop myself from babbling even further. It was both stupid and embarassing.
I can't believe I let myself break down like that in front of my friends. I hardly ever do that. But the more I told myself I was okay, I was tough... the more vulnerable I felt.
The text messages and phone calls I received... they made me cry even harder. I was feeling worthless, feeling like I was trash because of someone I love. Yet, people whom I've known for a shorter time were concerned about me, and that made me feel so bitter. How can I feel so loved, and unloved, at the same time?
Things will change, I think, with those friends. Even if just a little. I let my guard down for a while and exposed myself. But I can't share what happened last night with them. I can't share with anyone. My heart's still weak from the crying, and I feel too feeble. I don't want to be vulnerable again. I can't take it.
I thought I could smile today, and be my usual hyperactive self. But I can't. It's too painful. I'll avoid people for a while. Just a while. I'll be normal again. I need things to be normal. I don't want to break down again.
I am tough. I am strong. I can do this.
I can't believe I let myself break down like that in front of my friends. I hardly ever do that. But the more I told myself I was okay, I was tough... the more vulnerable I felt.
The text messages and phone calls I received... they made me cry even harder. I was feeling worthless, feeling like I was trash because of someone I love. Yet, people whom I've known for a shorter time were concerned about me, and that made me feel so bitter. How can I feel so loved, and unloved, at the same time?
Things will change, I think, with those friends. Even if just a little. I let my guard down for a while and exposed myself. But I can't share what happened last night with them. I can't share with anyone. My heart's still weak from the crying, and I feel too feeble. I don't want to be vulnerable again. I can't take it.
I thought I could smile today, and be my usual hyperactive self. But I can't. It's too painful. I'll avoid people for a while. Just a while. I'll be normal again. I need things to be normal. I don't want to break down again.
I am tough. I am strong. I can do this.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:42 AM
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fate crumbled all around 4 comments
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I Cut Deep, Sometimes
I realise that I can be too straightforward sometimes. I'm brutal in trying too hard to be witty. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I know I say that a lot, but I am genuinely sorry.
I wasn't trying to be mean. I was just trying to be... me.
A friend told me that I have "a degree of wit that can cut". I didn't know that. I don't mean to hurt people. Well, most of the time anyway. I admit, sometimes I want to hurt people, and so I cut them. And even then, it's because they piss me off by being unreasonable. But most of the time, I'm just being me.
I'll try to be more cautious. But that also means I'll have to hide the real me. I don't like that. I'm already secretive enough as it is. I thought I could be me without being afraid. Was I wrong?
I cut, sometimes. But sometimes, you, too, cut me. We bleed and bleed till our veins are dry... and still, we refuse to accept each other the way we are. Here I am, asking you to accept me the way I am. And yet, I ask you to change. We cut each other, and we are drained and tired... but we live. I guess you can't please everyone, including yourself.
I wasn't trying to be mean. I was just trying to be... me.
A friend told me that I have "a degree of wit that can cut". I didn't know that. I don't mean to hurt people. Well, most of the time anyway. I admit, sometimes I want to hurt people, and so I cut them. And even then, it's because they piss me off by being unreasonable. But most of the time, I'm just being me.
I'll try to be more cautious. But that also means I'll have to hide the real me. I don't like that. I'm already secretive enough as it is. I thought I could be me without being afraid. Was I wrong?
I cut, sometimes. But sometimes, you, too, cut me. We bleed and bleed till our veins are dry... and still, we refuse to accept each other the way we are. Here I am, asking you to accept me the way I am. And yet, I ask you to change. We cut each other, and we are drained and tired... but we live. I guess you can't please everyone, including yourself.
i know that i have loved you ... at 8:46 PM
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fate crumbled all around 3 comments
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Sometimes I Feel Like Crying For No Reason At All
It's not like something bad happened. It's not as if I'm depressed. But sometimes, out of the blue, I feel like crying. There's no reason for it. I just want to have a good cry.
Maybe it's the stress of uni. After such a long holiday, I almost forgot how uni life was like. When it's busy, it's hectic like the traffic jams in KL at 5pm. When it's leisurely, I feel so bored out of my mind that I crave for hectic chaos again.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding my breath in a lot. That's why I sigh a lot. My friends always complain that I sigh too much, but it's like I'm suffocating, you know? I just need to release my breath every now and then.
It's when I'm thinking seriously about things that I start holding in my breath. Like in order to organise my thoughts and get my mind around certain things, I have to stop my breathing for just a little bit. I guess I'm not that good in multi-tasking, am I?
I think it's gonna be good to go shopping with Mom tomorrow. I need some activity that doesn't require much brainpower. Plus, it'll be quality mother-daughter time. Went to uni to study today. Wasn't very productive. I'm just so slow in absorbing facts! I think during the week, I better study during my breaks in iSpace, rather than just lying on the unbelievably comfortable couches. Easier said than done, of course.
Maybe it's the stress of uni. After such a long holiday, I almost forgot how uni life was like. When it's busy, it's hectic like the traffic jams in KL at 5pm. When it's leisurely, I feel so bored out of my mind that I crave for hectic chaos again.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm holding my breath in a lot. That's why I sigh a lot. My friends always complain that I sigh too much, but it's like I'm suffocating, you know? I just need to release my breath every now and then.
It's when I'm thinking seriously about things that I start holding in my breath. Like in order to organise my thoughts and get my mind around certain things, I have to stop my breathing for just a little bit. I guess I'm not that good in multi-tasking, am I?
I think it's gonna be good to go shopping with Mom tomorrow. I need some activity that doesn't require much brainpower. Plus, it'll be quality mother-daughter time. Went to uni to study today. Wasn't very productive. I'm just so slow in absorbing facts! I think during the week, I better study during my breaks in iSpace, rather than just lying on the unbelievably comfortable couches. Easier said than done, of course.
i know that i have loved you ... at 6:31 PM
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fate crumbled all around 3 comments
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
I'll Kiss You Everyday and Tell You I Love You
When I have a child someday, I'm gonna love him like mad. Yes, him. For some reason, I want my first child to be a boy. I guess I have way too many cute little boy cousins, and I just love them to bits, so I want something of a clone. Plus, two of my boy cousins kissed me and told me they missed me when I went on a holiday... It's just too sweet for words.
I'm gonna hug him everyday, kiss him everyday, and tell him how much I love him everyday.
I don't think I should have more than one kid, 'cos I'll probably spoil my son rotten, and that's not fair to his little sister (one son, one daughter), is it?
Seriously, I think I'll be the type of mom who smothers her kid with too much affection and spoils him. Not a good parenting strategy, but heck, I'll do it anyway.
Every time I see a mom with her son on the bus, I fantasise about my future son.
I'll kiss him everyday, and make him kiss me everyday. I'll tell him "I love you" at least once a day, even when he starts to feel embarassed about it and say, "Mom!" I'll hug him in the mornings, and tuck him into bed at night. I'll tell him bedtime stories, and sing him lullabies. I'll cry the first day he goes to pre-school, and smile when he tells me about his day. I'll pack him sandwiches and fruits, buy him school uniform and shoes. I'll...
The list goes on and on and on. But you get the gist of it, don't you? That I'm gonna love my son to pieces every single day.
Funny thing is, when I dream about all this, the image of a husband never appears. It's always me, and my son. I guess in these days, you don't need a husband to raise a kid. So many people out there are struggling single parents who do their jobs well. Heck, I don't even need to get married. All I do is go to a sperm bank, or to an adoption agency. As long as I have my kid, I'm happy.
Just thinking about all this makes me so deliriously happy. Maybe it's time to think about names. How about Basil? I really like that name, for some reason. Basil Yap. Yeah, it'll work.
I'm gonna hug him everyday, kiss him everyday, and tell him how much I love him everyday.
I don't think I should have more than one kid, 'cos I'll probably spoil my son rotten, and that's not fair to his little sister (one son, one daughter), is it?
Seriously, I think I'll be the type of mom who smothers her kid with too much affection and spoils him. Not a good parenting strategy, but heck, I'll do it anyway.
Every time I see a mom with her son on the bus, I fantasise about my future son.
I'll kiss him everyday, and make him kiss me everyday. I'll tell him "I love you" at least once a day, even when he starts to feel embarassed about it and say, "Mom!" I'll hug him in the mornings, and tuck him into bed at night. I'll tell him bedtime stories, and sing him lullabies. I'll cry the first day he goes to pre-school, and smile when he tells me about his day. I'll pack him sandwiches and fruits, buy him school uniform and shoes. I'll...
The list goes on and on and on. But you get the gist of it, don't you? That I'm gonna love my son to pieces every single day.
Funny thing is, when I dream about all this, the image of a husband never appears. It's always me, and my son. I guess in these days, you don't need a husband to raise a kid. So many people out there are struggling single parents who do their jobs well. Heck, I don't even need to get married. All I do is go to a sperm bank, or to an adoption agency. As long as I have my kid, I'm happy.
Just thinking about all this makes me so deliriously happy. Maybe it's time to think about names. How about Basil? I really like that name, for some reason. Basil Yap. Yeah, it'll work.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:38 PM
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fate crumbled all around 9 comments
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Unspoken Words
Sometimes, I feel like I need to restrict the way I speak. It feels like there's something lodged in my throat. I can't swallow it down, nor spit it out. Instead, it's stuck there, neither in or out.
It feels... painful. Suffocating.
Unspoken words. How powerful would they be if spoken out loud? Friendships damaged, reputations ruined, truth painfully told.
We are afraid of losing those that we love, and so, we keep quiet. We do not take risks. We leave our words unspoken.
Anger, pain, sorrow... all these get built up higher and higher, the emotions intense. Yet still we say nothing. We keep it all inside, thinking everything will just go away... but it doesn't.
I hate restricting what I say sometimes, but I know I must keep my mouth shut. For the sake of not angering others, for the sake of pleasing others, for the sake of keeping the peace.
So every day I come home, a bundle of angry and pained words lodged in my throat. They are desperate to escape, but I keep them trapped inside. I want to shout, and release this neverending burden.
Instead, I cry into my pillow at night. I hope for truth, for release, and I dream. When I wake up in the morning, with words waiting to come out, I shall keep them imprisoned once again. Words will get stuck in my throat again, and I suffocate for a while. Then I'll cry at night, and I dream. And my words remain unspoken.
It feels... painful. Suffocating.
Unspoken words. How powerful would they be if spoken out loud? Friendships damaged, reputations ruined, truth painfully told.
We are afraid of losing those that we love, and so, we keep quiet. We do not take risks. We leave our words unspoken.
Anger, pain, sorrow... all these get built up higher and higher, the emotions intense. Yet still we say nothing. We keep it all inside, thinking everything will just go away... but it doesn't.
I hate restricting what I say sometimes, but I know I must keep my mouth shut. For the sake of not angering others, for the sake of pleasing others, for the sake of keeping the peace.
So every day I come home, a bundle of angry and pained words lodged in my throat. They are desperate to escape, but I keep them trapped inside. I want to shout, and release this neverending burden.
Instead, I cry into my pillow at night. I hope for truth, for release, and I dream. When I wake up in the morning, with words waiting to come out, I shall keep them imprisoned once again. Words will get stuck in my throat again, and I suffocate for a while. Then I'll cry at night, and I dream. And my words remain unspoken.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:35 PM
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fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Monday, March 06, 2006
I Really, Really Hate My Uni Timetable
It's a Monday morning, and I have class in 10 minutes. What do I do in this free time? Do my readings? Study my notes? Nope. Instead, I'm blogging.
I really hate my uni timetable, and so I need to complain before I burden my friends with my neverending rant.
There are days where I have a 5-hour "break" between classes. Do I: A) go home, rest, come out again; or B) stay at uni for the whole day? Answer: B. There is simply no point in taking 1 hour's bus ride home, rest for 2 hours +, and take another hour's bus ride to uni. It is just too tiring. So I stay at uni the whole day.
Not that I'm complaining. Okay, wait, that was a lie. Of course I'm complaining, but I've accepted the fact.
Except now that I just realised I might not be able to go to my monthly writers' meeting!
The meetings (which are on Mondays) start at 5.30pm, and end at 7pm. My last class on Mondays end at 6pm. That means by the time I reached the meeting, it'll be around 6.20pm. Which just leaves me 40 minutes to listen to other people, or read my stories. That is not a lot of time.
Curse you, ENGLISH219! Why do you end at 6pm? WHY??
Okay, I'm crazy now. I better leave for class.
I really hate my uni timetable, and so I need to complain before I burden my friends with my neverending rant.
There are days where I have a 5-hour "break" between classes. Do I: A) go home, rest, come out again; or B) stay at uni for the whole day? Answer: B. There is simply no point in taking 1 hour's bus ride home, rest for 2 hours +, and take another hour's bus ride to uni. It is just too tiring. So I stay at uni the whole day.
Not that I'm complaining. Okay, wait, that was a lie. Of course I'm complaining, but I've accepted the fact.
Except now that I just realised I might not be able to go to my monthly writers' meeting!
The meetings (which are on Mondays) start at 5.30pm, and end at 7pm. My last class on Mondays end at 6pm. That means by the time I reached the meeting, it'll be around 6.20pm. Which just leaves me 40 minutes to listen to other people, or read my stories. That is not a lot of time.
Curse you, ENGLISH219! Why do you end at 6pm? WHY??
Okay, I'm crazy now. I better leave for class.
i know that i have loved you ... at 8:50 AM
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fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Saturday, March 04, 2006
There Is Nothing Worse
Imagine you meet a friend from the past, and you remember the person, but the person doesn't remember you.
Horrible, right?
However, nothing is worse than having that person remembering you, but it turns out he mistook you for someone else.
So damn sad, man.
Imagine the joy I felt when he sent me a message, with the subject "hello, old friend". I felt important, acknowledged, treasured. An old classmate actually remembers me! But then, reading the message, my heart dropped. It wasn't me he remembered, it was a girl whose name was similar to mine.
Like I said, so sad.
It isn't so bad if we both couldn't remember each other. No harm done, after all. But in my shoes.. it's just not the same. I am a little hurt, knowing that I made no impact on this person's life. The egoistic me thought some people would remember me, years from now. I remembered them, didn't I? It only seemed fair if they remembered me, too.
But that's such a childish thought.
Oh well... on slightly happier thoughts, I met a guy, Ben, who's into anime today. Yay, I can leech anime off him. Woohoo! I borrowed Grave of the Fireflies from him. I heard it's really good and touching. Hehe. I shall watch it tomorrow, when I'm more awake.
Horrible, right?
However, nothing is worse than having that person remembering you, but it turns out he mistook you for someone else.
So damn sad, man.
Imagine the joy I felt when he sent me a message, with the subject "hello, old friend". I felt important, acknowledged, treasured. An old classmate actually remembers me! But then, reading the message, my heart dropped. It wasn't me he remembered, it was a girl whose name was similar to mine.
Like I said, so sad.
It isn't so bad if we both couldn't remember each other. No harm done, after all. But in my shoes.. it's just not the same. I am a little hurt, knowing that I made no impact on this person's life. The egoistic me thought some people would remember me, years from now. I remembered them, didn't I? It only seemed fair if they remembered me, too.
But that's such a childish thought.
Oh well... on slightly happier thoughts, I met a guy, Ben, who's into anime today. Yay, I can leech anime off him. Woohoo! I borrowed Grave of the Fireflies from him. I heard it's really good and touching. Hehe. I shall watch it tomorrow, when I'm more awake.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:10 PM
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fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Something Brave
I think I did a brave thing today. I finally wrote an apology to someone I've hurt many years ago.
It had taken me a while to realise how petty and mean I was to this person. I thought myself far superior in personality and attributes, only to be proven wrong. I was obnoxious and stubborn and unforgiving.
Now it is I who ask for forgiveness.
It took me several years, but I've finally plucked up the courage to contact this person, and ask for forgiveness. Whether she decides to forgive me or not, is another case.
If she doesn't, I wouldn't blame her.
What matters now is the fact I've finally apologised to her. It was something that has plagued me for the past few years.
I'm sorry, Foong Yee. I wish I could say I never meant to hurt you, but at that time... I did. I'm sorry.
It had taken me a while to realise how petty and mean I was to this person. I thought myself far superior in personality and attributes, only to be proven wrong. I was obnoxious and stubborn and unforgiving.
Now it is I who ask for forgiveness.
It took me several years, but I've finally plucked up the courage to contact this person, and ask for forgiveness. Whether she decides to forgive me or not, is another case.
If she doesn't, I wouldn't blame her.
What matters now is the fact I've finally apologised to her. It was something that has plagued me for the past few years.
I'm sorry, Foong Yee. I wish I could say I never meant to hurt you, but at that time... I did. I'm sorry.
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:37 AM
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fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Thursday, March 02, 2006
New Beginnings, Maybe?
I've decided to unpublish all my posts that makes a reference to Y, as I'm unsure about how I'm feeling, and I do not want those posts as painful reminders. So, please, if I don't talk about it, don't ask me about it.
I'm thinking if I should make my blog more public. I mean, obviously, I'm flattered if I ever get more readership by chance, but there's not really the point. I was thinking of letting my NZ friends know about my blog. I'm not sure, though.
I mean, this started as a private blog. But I decided to let you guys know about it. And not long ago, I mentioned it on a public Lee Hom forum. So, if I'm perfectly willing to show this to total strangers, why not to my friends?
I guess it's just me and my fear of being hurt. I'm not sure if I should really get close to this bunch of people - most of whom I've only known for 2 months. But I have to take a risk. Life is never without risks, after all.
So, yeah, maybe I'll let them know. Just have to find a subtle way. Heh.
I'm thinking if I should make my blog more public. I mean, obviously, I'm flattered if I ever get more readership by chance, but there's not really the point. I was thinking of letting my NZ friends know about my blog. I'm not sure, though.
I mean, this started as a private blog. But I decided to let you guys know about it. And not long ago, I mentioned it on a public Lee Hom forum. So, if I'm perfectly willing to show this to total strangers, why not to my friends?
I guess it's just me and my fear of being hurt. I'm not sure if I should really get close to this bunch of people - most of whom I've only known for 2 months. But I have to take a risk. Life is never without risks, after all.
So, yeah, maybe I'll let them know. Just have to find a subtle way. Heh.
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:05 PM
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fate crumbled all around 2 comments