Sunday, February 26, 2006
(story) The Dictator
I couldn't sleep, so I decided to write a story that was long due. I was supposed to write a dictator-themed story for my writers' group during the last meeting. However, I couldn't write anything, so I went empty-handed. For some reason, I felt inspired earlier on. So I opened Microsoft Word, and with Rain's Sad Tango in my ears, I typed.
So here is the end result. But be warned, it is a bit darker than my usual stories.
So... what you think? Don't ask me how I got inspired. The idea.. just came to me. Don't worry, it's not based on real events.. well, not events in my life anyway. ;)
So here is the end result. But be warned, it is a bit darker than my usual stories.
You were always the dictator in my life. You controlled my freedom, and the people I love. I was to do whatever you say. I detested you. You were a thorn in my side, a dictator waiting to be overthrown. I was waiting for the right moment - the moment when you would fall from glory. After all, look at the dictators in history. They all fell from their unjust power, and if history has taught us one thing, it's that history repeats itself.
You were sitting in front of the television, your eyes glued to the box. You were eating breakfast, the cereal soggy in the bowl of milk. I waited for the opportune moment. It never came. You were always alert to what I was doing. You yelled at me to clean your mess as you went to the bathroom. My fists were clenched, my teeth gritted with silent fury.
I always searched for the perfect opportunity to attack. It was a time to rebel, a time to attack. You have victimized my family for far too long. Your dictatorship would end. And so, I waited. I waited for the perfect opportunity.
Once, I crushed some sleeping pills and mixed it in your cup of cocoa. I thought my plan would work, and we would be able to escape your clutches. I watched with glee as you brought the cup to your lips... and stopped. You stared at me, the suspicion glinting in your dark eyes. Then, you summoned my little sister, and told her to drink the cocoa. She was only too happy to. I gave out a cry, and pushed the cup away from my sister. You sneered at me, triumphant. I could only choke back my tears.
You were drunk that night, shouting abuse as you swaggered in through the door. You demanded for more alcohol, and I complied. As I handed you glasses after glasses of liquor, I saw an opportunity to attack. You were cautious still, making sure I took a sip from each glass I gave you. You never saw it coming, for you were far too drunk to see, let alone react.
I felt the pressure as the knife plunged into your soft stomach. You groaned, your eyes widening with surprise. I pulled the knife out, the blade stained with blood. It was so dark, almost black. You made a move, trying to grab the weapon from my hands, but you were too slow. Fuelled by anger, hatred and perhaps from the alcohol you made me consume, I plunged the knife into you once again. It was fairly easy the second time, and the third time, and the fourth.
By the time the neighbors arrived with the police, their hands over their mouths in horror, you were drowned in a puddle of blood. I laughed as the policemen dragged me away. I felt liberated as they put me away behind bars. I was finally free. You would no longer hurt me or my loved ones.
Didn't I tell you that history would repeat itself? All dictators fall from glory, including you. The oppressed would fight back, and win back the freedom that was rightfully theirs. It has always been that way in history, and it will always be that way.
So... what you think? Don't ask me how I got inspired. The idea.. just came to me. Don't worry, it's not based on real events.. well, not events in my life anyway. ;)
i know that i have loved you ... at 5:35 AM
fate crumbled all around 3 comments
fate crumbled all around 3 comments
New Haircut... Again
As I've mentioned, I've got a new haircut. According to my sis, it's "cute" and more suitable for me than my previous haircuts. For me, it's short and not disastrous! So, here are the required "before" and "after" photos:
before.. yes, i was trying to act cute :P
after.. me in my room - see part of The Beatles poster?
Am I being too much of a vainpot if I say I really like my new haircut? To be honest, I really hate my long hair. On certain days, it's manageable. On others, it's like a field of lalang. With short hair, it's so much more convenient. Not so hot when exercising or during summer, easy to manage, and best of all... I can get away with not combing my hair! Haha. Just joking, I do comb my hair, ok? It's just a possibility, that's all.. especially on days when I've slept late and have to rush for the bus. Heh.
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:38 AM
fate crumbled all around 3 comments
fate crumbled all around 3 comments
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Meme of Four... Yes, this is a filler post
I'm doing this.. well, because it seems fun. I stole borrowed this meme from BlogoSquare. Here goes!
Four Blogs I Read Weekly
Four Blogs I Read Weekly
- thinkcink.net (easy to relate to, and often insightful)
- kennysia.com (he's funny as heck!)
- minishorts.net (love her rants)
- somewhere on the masthead (such a lovable dad and redhead)
Four Films I Can Watch Over and Over
- Bicentennial Man (I cry everytime I watch it)
- Hook (twist on Peter Pan)
- Edward Scissorhands (Johnny Depp, Tim Burton.. need I say more)
- Never Been Kissed (sweet, sweet romantic comedy)
Four TV Shows That I Like To Watch
- America's Next Top Model (yes, I watch that!)
- The Weakest Link (UK gameshow)
- Blender (music programme)
- Art Attack (hehe, I like that since I was a kid)
Four TV Serials that I Can't Miss
- House (Hugh Laurie.. sigh!)
- Monk (quirky, quirky character)
- SVU: Special Victims Unit (able-to-relate-to characters)
- Two And A Half Men (I love Charlie's and Alan's love-hate relationship)
Four Foods I Like
- Grilled lemongrass chicken on vermicelli (Vietnamese)
- Tom Yam Goong (Thai)
- Mussels in a tomato broth (the one from SPQR - delicious!)
- Peking duck (fat, oily, expensive.. but oh so yummy!)
Four Drinks I Love
- Milo
- Orange black bubble tea (from Taller Park)
- Peach black bubble tea (from Taller Park)
- Strawberry milk tea (from Momo)
Four Bloggers that I have tagged
- Actually, just anyone who's interested. :)
So go... make a list! It's a fun way to know more about people.
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:36 AM
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fate crumbled all around 0 comments
I'm Back!
Hello, everybody! I am back from my trip to Paihia. It was a fun trip, albeit a night of fighting and tiredness. Pictures will be posted up later, when I actually load the photos into the computer. Hehe.
The best part was the trip to Cape Reinga (will explain later), and the bonding between friends. In such a trip, there is no denying that you'll get to know your friends better. I found out about Jackie's family situation, Colin's admirable qualities, and Adrian's ever-growing weirdness.
Turns out only the 4 of us went for the trip... but it was a good thing. More than 4 people, and it wouldn't be as fun.
Since coming back on Monday evening, life has been slightly hectic. Or at least, that's how it feels to me. I'm still in holiday mode, I guess. After 4 days and 3 nights of beachside life, I'm almost intimidated by the city that is Auckland.
Tuesday, I went out with Jackie to uni to buy textbooks, have lunch, and stopped by Kathmandu (Jackie's workplace). I came home, check for updates on my friends' blogs, only to find one is feeling depressed. Chi Yee, I hope you're better now!!
Today (Wednesday), went out to uni again with my sis, but to settle some other stuff.. BNZ, locker hire, AUSA membership. Then, I went for a haircut. I am pleased to say I am definitely happy with my new hairstyle. (Will post up a pic later) The hairdresser was a bit reluctant to cut my hair at first, saying the hairstyle I wanted was too short. He then showed me a hairstyles magazine, and we both agreed on a particular hairstyle. It took him about 40 minutes, which is double the time he usually takes.. but I'm not complaining. Then, sis and I went home, took a rest, and went out again. For ice-skating. It's very paiseh to say this, but I suck at ice-skating! Most people didn't know how to skate at first, but picked it up quickly. Me? Let's just say by the time I mastered the art of not falling, it was 2 hours later. Haha. Oh well, it was fun.
So here ends my return-back-to-Auckland blog post. You're perfectly welcome to say you miss me in my comments box or CBox. ;P
The best part was the trip to Cape Reinga (will explain later), and the bonding between friends. In such a trip, there is no denying that you'll get to know your friends better. I found out about Jackie's family situation, Colin's admirable qualities, and Adrian's ever-growing weirdness.
Turns out only the 4 of us went for the trip... but it was a good thing. More than 4 people, and it wouldn't be as fun.
Since coming back on Monday evening, life has been slightly hectic. Or at least, that's how it feels to me. I'm still in holiday mode, I guess. After 4 days and 3 nights of beachside life, I'm almost intimidated by the city that is Auckland.
Tuesday, I went out with Jackie to uni to buy textbooks, have lunch, and stopped by Kathmandu (Jackie's workplace). I came home, check for updates on my friends' blogs, only to find one is feeling depressed. Chi Yee, I hope you're better now!!
Today (Wednesday), went out to uni again with my sis, but to settle some other stuff.. BNZ, locker hire, AUSA membership. Then, I went for a haircut. I am pleased to say I am definitely happy with my new hairstyle. (Will post up a pic later) The hairdresser was a bit reluctant to cut my hair at first, saying the hairstyle I wanted was too short. He then showed me a hairstyles magazine, and we both agreed on a particular hairstyle. It took him about 40 minutes, which is double the time he usually takes.. but I'm not complaining. Then, sis and I went home, took a rest, and went out again. For ice-skating. It's very paiseh to say this, but I suck at ice-skating! Most people didn't know how to skate at first, but picked it up quickly. Me? Let's just say by the time I mastered the art of not falling, it was 2 hours later. Haha. Oh well, it was fun.
So here ends my return-back-to-Auckland blog post. You're perfectly welcome to say you miss me in my comments box or CBox. ;P
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:53 AM
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fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Monday, February 13, 2006
I'm Gonna Cleanse Myself Off You
I have an unhealthy obsession with you these days. The only time you do not plague my thoughts is when there is loud noise, and during sleep. Thank goodness I don't dream of you. At least, in the sanctuary of my dreamland, I am safe.
This weekend, I'm gonna go off on a 3-day trip, and boy, I'm glad you're not going. I'm gonna take that time to have fun, and cleanse my thoughts. When I return, semester 1 will start, and hopefully, this hoo-hah will end. Direct your attention somewhere else, and leave me at peace. The others, they too, should leave me alone. Are you so cowardly, that you will not tell me yourself, but make our friends attack me? You... you infuriate me!
They say that I haven't seen the real you, but I think I might have.. and I don't like it one bit. Yes, sure, people have different facets to them.. Different personalities may emerge from one same person, but I sure don't like what I'm seeing emerging from you.
I don't want to see you for... at least a week, maybe? But your birthday is soon, and I'd feel bad for neglecting you on that one special day. But then, you don't seem to have any plans anyway, so this is the best, perhaps?
I haven't even bought your present. I thought of making something for you, at first, but now I rather spend money than waste my effort on you.
I need to spend some time without you, because I don't like this bout of depression that I'm in. I want - no, I need - to cleanse myself off you. I need you out of my mind. I need a vacation. So this weekend, I leave with some friends. I'm gonna be happy, I'm gonna have fun.. for at least 3 days. That's all I ask for. Can I just have 3 days of peace?
And after that, you can plague me all you want. All I ask for is 3 days.
This weekend, I'm gonna go off on a 3-day trip, and boy, I'm glad you're not going. I'm gonna take that time to have fun, and cleanse my thoughts. When I return, semester 1 will start, and hopefully, this hoo-hah will end. Direct your attention somewhere else, and leave me at peace. The others, they too, should leave me alone. Are you so cowardly, that you will not tell me yourself, but make our friends attack me? You... you infuriate me!
They say that I haven't seen the real you, but I think I might have.. and I don't like it one bit. Yes, sure, people have different facets to them.. Different personalities may emerge from one same person, but I sure don't like what I'm seeing emerging from you.
I don't want to see you for... at least a week, maybe? But your birthday is soon, and I'd feel bad for neglecting you on that one special day. But then, you don't seem to have any plans anyway, so this is the best, perhaps?
I haven't even bought your present. I thought of making something for you, at first, but now I rather spend money than waste my effort on you.
I need to spend some time without you, because I don't like this bout of depression that I'm in. I want - no, I need - to cleanse myself off you. I need you out of my mind. I need a vacation. So this weekend, I leave with some friends. I'm gonna be happy, I'm gonna have fun.. for at least 3 days. That's all I ask for. Can I just have 3 days of peace?
And after that, you can plague me all you want. All I ask for is 3 days.
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:39 PM
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fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Please Don't Get The Wrong Idea
Something happened to me today.. It may be a little thing, but it feels kinda major to me. I... kena makan tofu. Doesn't make sense? Erm, think in Mandarin? Don't know Mandarin? Ask Shing Yee, she knows what happened (that thing I told you online).
Okay... basically, someone got too close to me for comfort. I need personal space, ok?
I mean, didn't you see I was trying to move away from you? Under false pretences (coaching me in playing pool woh, kononnya), you tried to get me close to you. Great, congrats! You did it! But right now, I'm squirming, and I don't know how to face you the next time we meet. I should've slapped you, but I didn't want to make a scene. You are such an idiot!
Don't try to force me to like you, because even I don't know what I want... so what makes you think you know?
I should be mad at you, except that you're usually a nice guy, and I worry I'm overreacting.
I feel odd now. I don't feel like seeing you. Please don't get the wrong idea. And please don't simply meraba-raba, okay? I feel very geli now.
I don't want to hate you, you know. But if you keep insisting and pushing me, I will hate you. Or at the least, avoid you. I want to be friends, is that so hard?
Okay, so I don't know how I feel towards you, exactly. So yes... the feeling might change in the future. But at the moment, I really don't think of you that way. Not yet anyway. So give me some time, okay? Let me try and figure this out by myself.
Push me, and I will push you away.
Okay... basically, someone got too close to me for comfort. I need personal space, ok?
I mean, didn't you see I was trying to move away from you? Under false pretences (coaching me in playing pool woh, kononnya), you tried to get me close to you. Great, congrats! You did it! But right now, I'm squirming, and I don't know how to face you the next time we meet. I should've slapped you, but I didn't want to make a scene. You are such an idiot!
Don't try to force me to like you, because even I don't know what I want... so what makes you think you know?
I should be mad at you, except that you're usually a nice guy, and I worry I'm overreacting.
I feel odd now. I don't feel like seeing you. Please don't get the wrong idea. And please don't simply meraba-raba, okay? I feel very geli now.
I don't want to hate you, you know. But if you keep insisting and pushing me, I will hate you. Or at the least, avoid you. I want to be friends, is that so hard?
Okay, so I don't know how I feel towards you, exactly. So yes... the feeling might change in the future. But at the moment, I really don't think of you that way. Not yet anyway. So give me some time, okay? Let me try and figure this out by myself.
Push me, and I will push you away.
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:24 AM
fate crumbled all around 4 comments
fate crumbled all around 4 comments
Friday, February 10, 2006
Happy, Happy, Happy!
Happy thoughts #1...
Summer school has already finished! Although feeling very happy that there's no more assignments (not till semester one anyway), I kinda miss going to classes and seeing my classmates. Hehe... and today's only the first day of holiday. I guess it's because the class was such a small class, as compared to the gigantic classes I usually go to last year. It's nice to go to a small class, and able to know everyone by name, and where the lecturer actually remembers you. It's intimate, that's what it is. Ever since leaving M'sia, the classes I've been to have always been so... alienating. The thing is, you don't get the same batch of people in every class... and this is high school I'm talking about. University's even worse, with its large classrooms. And so, you don't really get to know everyone. In fact, sometimes, you know absolutely no one from a class. I miss the way in M'sia, where at least, you know everyone by their name. Over here, every time you enter a classroom, you see total strangers. It's very unsettling.
But hey.. semester one starts soon, and I know for sure I share 2 classes with Joey.. so no worries there! Happy!
On to other happy thoughts..
Regarding my last post about Y, I think I really have nothing to worry about now that I actually think clearly about it. I totally overreacted. It's nothing major (ha! I just wrote 'mojo' instead of 'major'), really. I guess I'm not used to being the one 'liked'. I'm more used to seeing other people 'liking' each other. I should feel flattered, I suppose, although I have a nagging feeling Y has bad taste in girls. Hehe. Our group's being dominated by guys, that's why. There's only 3 girls but 6 guys in our group.. and one girl is already taken. Not much choice left, is there? Plus, I have a feeling that if Y did know that I know.. he'll probably shrug his shoulders and say, "Ah well." (actually, that's what he always say) He's very nonchalant about things.
So now, I don't have to stress about the 'friends, not friends?' thing... Happy, happy!
And lastly, another happy thought...
I'm gonna go to the lantern fest tomorrow.. There's gonna be lots of lanterns (obviously! it is the lantern fest, after all), food, crafts, performances, and fireworks. There's always fireworks. It should be fun! Happy, happy, happy!
Summer school has already finished! Although feeling very happy that there's no more assignments (not till semester one anyway), I kinda miss going to classes and seeing my classmates. Hehe... and today's only the first day of holiday. I guess it's because the class was such a small class, as compared to the gigantic classes I usually go to last year. It's nice to go to a small class, and able to know everyone by name, and where the lecturer actually remembers you. It's intimate, that's what it is. Ever since leaving M'sia, the classes I've been to have always been so... alienating. The thing is, you don't get the same batch of people in every class... and this is high school I'm talking about. University's even worse, with its large classrooms. And so, you don't really get to know everyone. In fact, sometimes, you know absolutely no one from a class. I miss the way in M'sia, where at least, you know everyone by their name. Over here, every time you enter a classroom, you see total strangers. It's very unsettling.
But hey.. semester one starts soon, and I know for sure I share 2 classes with Joey.. so no worries there! Happy!
On to other happy thoughts..
Regarding my last post about Y, I think I really have nothing to worry about now that I actually think clearly about it. I totally overreacted. It's nothing major (ha! I just wrote 'mojo' instead of 'major'), really. I guess I'm not used to being the one 'liked'. I'm more used to seeing other people 'liking' each other. I should feel flattered, I suppose, although I have a nagging feeling Y has bad taste in girls. Hehe. Our group's being dominated by guys, that's why. There's only 3 girls but 6 guys in our group.. and one girl is already taken. Not much choice left, is there? Plus, I have a feeling that if Y did know that I know.. he'll probably shrug his shoulders and say, "Ah well." (actually, that's what he always say) He's very nonchalant about things.
So now, I don't have to stress about the 'friends, not friends?' thing... Happy, happy!
And lastly, another happy thought...
I'm gonna go to the lantern fest tomorrow.. There's gonna be lots of lanterns (obviously! it is the lantern fest, after all), food, crafts, performances, and fireworks. There's always fireworks. It should be fun! Happy, happy, happy!
i know that i have loved you ... at 8:47 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 comments
fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
I Despise Prank Callers
Honestly, I do. Even more so when the prank callers are my friends.
Just a short while ago, I got a call. The caller on the other end asked if I, Irene Yap, lost my credit card. I said no, but the person asked if I was sure. I thought it was odd. The guy mentioned something about Playboy, and I immediately suspected a prank call. He also mentioned a friend with me or something. But I thought, nah, it might be something. Just in case, you know? So I checked, just in case, and sure, my credit card was tucked safely into my wallet. I said I have my card, but the guy said that he called up the bank, and maybe my friend took my card. My friend Colin Lam. That's when it hit me. It was definitely a prank call. I hardly see Colin, and actually, I don't even know Colin's surname. Also, I don't put my name Irene on my bank statement or on my card, so there was no way this person could know my name is Irene. Plus, I would never ever give a credit card to someone else. I recognised the voice to be Mashi's. So, I said, in my best vile voice, "You know what? I don't even put my name Irene on my card!" Then I hung up.
To be absolutely honest, my first reaction was to swear my head off. But my parents were around, and I didn't want to swear in front of them. In fact, I really hardly swear. I can bring myself to write the words more than to say the words.
Then, the phone rang again. This time, I let Dad pick up the call. It was John, who was probably with Mashi, since they hang out almost every day. I took the receiver, and turned the phone off. Ha, boy did I feel proud of myself! Sure, with a hands-free digital phone, hanging up isn't as fun as the old-fashioned phone slamming... but hey, I'm content with what I have.
Later, I got a text (sms for you Malaysians) from Mashi saying sorry, and asking me to call John's house. (See, John was with Mashi! Hehe.. otherwise, poor guy would wonder why I hung up on him) I ignored it. Then, I got a call from John on my mobile phone. I ended the call, and turned off my phone. About 10 minutes later, I turned my phone back on. Then, I got a text from Jackie, who was asked by Mashi to say sorry to me. She also kena prank call by Mashi. I replied, "Please tell Mashi in your best polite voice, to gofuck himself." I had a very cruel sort of satisfaction when I typed that. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have typed it. Jackie may have been offended.. but hopefully, she understands I don't swear often, and the venom wasn't directed towards her.
Honestly, how old are these guys? I mean, Mashi's turning 21 soon. Shouldn't he be more mature? I can forgive-and-forget when it's young kids, since they're childish and don't know better. But adults? Argh. They're the worst! Why do people think it's funny? Prank calls are plain offensive, and sometimes, cruel. I absolutely hate and despise prank callers. Childish people! I simply can't tolerate them, even though they're my friends.
I know I said I wouldn't ever compromise myself for others, and this principle should apply for other people too. But damn it! Being so freaking childish? When I say don't compromise myself, I mean I don't go degrading myself and succumb to peer pressure. I don't mean, I should be selfish and childish because I don't want to compromise myself. Those simply are two different things!
So for now, I'm pissed at Mashi and John. Why John too, you ask? Because he permitted Mashi to make prank calls. Not prank call (as in singular), but prank calls (as in plural)! If I see either of these guys tomorrow, I'm ignoring them. They may call me a prude or whatever, but honestly, I DESPISE prank callers! I have never made a prank call in my life, and the first time I got a prank call, the caller spouted out a string of insults that were so offensive and vile to me, that I nearly ended up in tears.
We'll see. If I'm in a forgiving mood, I might talk to them at dinner. Maybe.
Just a short while ago, I got a call. The caller on the other end asked if I, Irene Yap, lost my credit card. I said no, but the person asked if I was sure. I thought it was odd. The guy mentioned something about Playboy, and I immediately suspected a prank call. He also mentioned a friend with me or something. But I thought, nah, it might be something. Just in case, you know? So I checked, just in case, and sure, my credit card was tucked safely into my wallet. I said I have my card, but the guy said that he called up the bank, and maybe my friend took my card. My friend Colin Lam. That's when it hit me. It was definitely a prank call. I hardly see Colin, and actually, I don't even know Colin's surname. Also, I don't put my name Irene on my bank statement or on my card, so there was no way this person could know my name is Irene. Plus, I would never ever give a credit card to someone else. I recognised the voice to be Mashi's. So, I said, in my best vile voice, "You know what? I don't even put my name Irene on my card!" Then I hung up.
To be absolutely honest, my first reaction was to swear my head off. But my parents were around, and I didn't want to swear in front of them. In fact, I really hardly swear. I can bring myself to write the words more than to say the words.
Then, the phone rang again. This time, I let Dad pick up the call. It was John, who was probably with Mashi, since they hang out almost every day. I took the receiver, and turned the phone off. Ha, boy did I feel proud of myself! Sure, with a hands-free digital phone, hanging up isn't as fun as the old-fashioned phone slamming... but hey, I'm content with what I have.
Later, I got a text (sms for you Malaysians) from Mashi saying sorry, and asking me to call John's house. (See, John was with Mashi! Hehe.. otherwise, poor guy would wonder why I hung up on him) I ignored it. Then, I got a call from John on my mobile phone. I ended the call, and turned off my phone. About 10 minutes later, I turned my phone back on. Then, I got a text from Jackie, who was asked by Mashi to say sorry to me. She also kena prank call by Mashi. I replied, "Please tell Mashi in your best polite voice, to go
Honestly, how old are these guys? I mean, Mashi's turning 21 soon. Shouldn't he be more mature? I can forgive-and-forget when it's young kids, since they're childish and don't know better. But adults? Argh. They're the worst! Why do people think it's funny? Prank calls are plain offensive, and sometimes, cruel. I absolutely hate and despise prank callers. Childish people! I simply can't tolerate them, even though they're my friends.
I know I said I wouldn't ever compromise myself for others, and this principle should apply for other people too. But damn it! Being so freaking childish? When I say don't compromise myself, I mean I don't go degrading myself and succumb to peer pressure. I don't mean, I should be selfish and childish because I don't want to compromise myself. Those simply are two different things!
So for now, I'm pissed at Mashi and John. Why John too, you ask? Because he permitted Mashi to make prank calls. Not prank call (as in singular), but prank calls (as in plural)! If I see either of these guys tomorrow, I'm ignoring them. They may call me a prude or whatever, but honestly, I DESPISE prank callers! I have never made a prank call in my life, and the first time I got a prank call, the caller spouted out a string of insults that were so offensive and vile to me, that I nearly ended up in tears.
We'll see. If I'm in a forgiving mood, I might talk to them at dinner. Maybe.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:23 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 comments
fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Monday, February 06, 2006
I Think I'm In Love...
With Chinese songs!
Ha... what were you thinking? Me, in love with a fellow human being? Never! You should know me better by now. Haha, bet you're so disappointed.
Well, I'm not lying when I said I'm in love. It's just that I'm in love with Chinese songs, not a person. There seems to be an array of good Chinese songs lately. Maybe it's the new year, and people feel inspired to be creative?
Take Lee Hom for instance. His latest album, Heroes of the Earth a.k.a. Gai Shi Ying Xiong, continues his legacy of "chinked-out" music that made its first appearance in Shangri-la. I particularly love his Hua Tian Cuo - the way he blends traditional Chinese opera with the modern hip-hop is so exquisite, and the erhu... just beautiful. Zai Mei Bian is another song that blends the traditional and the modern, but with rap instead. I must applaud Lee Hom's skill in rapping over 200+ words within a minute. Not one of his best songs, which show his composition skills, but it definitely shows his talent, creativity and hard work. Although I have not heard all the songs on the Heroes album, I know that many fans all over the world have fallen in love in it, and new fans were discovered because of the album. I was looking forward to get the cd when I saw Jackie's copy, but was bitterly disappointed when I found out the cd was all sold out... in 2 shops! Oh well, I have other sources..
Another one is Eason Chan Yik Sun. Recently, I bought his U87 album although I have already downloaded some of the songs. After all, what better way to support the artistes than buying their work? I caught sight of his latest album, Zen Me Yang on the shelves, but wasn't sure if I would buy it. I have downloaded 2 songs from Zen Me Yang, and have yet to hear the others. However, I am convinced after previewing other songs to buy the album. In this album, he sings mainly in Mandarin, although his albums before now were in Cantonese. Some singers can't cross the language divide and simply messes up. Take Jeff Chang, for example. He's superb when singing in Mandarin, but when he sings in Cantonese, he just sounds average, and just not to his full potential. However, I'd say Eason Chan pretty much made a smooth transition. Bu Ran Ni Yao Wo Zen Me Yang is a song with a very catchy tune, Dui Bu Qi Xie Xie is a typical love song, yet it catches my heart, and Bu Neng Zai Deng Dai is another sad love song that tugs at your heartstrings even more so with Eason's heartfelt voice.
Andy Lau is another great singer, who keeps churning out wonderful songs even at his age. Lately, I've been enamoured with Yuan Lai Wo You Ai. Ever since I first heard of the song back in Malaysia, I couldn't forget it. After scouring everywhere, I managed to download the song. So beautiful. Andy Lau's voice is meant for this type of song - soft, but bittersweet, with a slight edge. His Tin Bei Gou is a very uplifting sort of song, the type you hear in one of those Hong Kong cops movies' soundtrack. But be warned, it's very addictive to listen to during exam period, when you need that certain something to keep you awake. However, last year, I couldn't get the song out of my head for quite a while. It's rather hard to concentrate on studying when you've got a very semangat song beating in your head. Haha..
Another singer I greatly admire is Leo Ku. I've always like his songs, ever since Wang Le Shi Jian De Zhong, which incidentally, seems to be out of the market. Boohoo~! I bought his New+Best album, which is so good that I put it up there in my "Best Albums" list with Lee Hom's Shangri-la. I mean, sometimes, some songs are really good in an album, but the others kindasuck lack a certain something. But with New+Best, and Shangri-la, I can honestly say I like most of the songs... about 80-90%? His Geng Gor Gam Kouk is honestly so good, you can't help liking it. He compiles different great songs from other artistes as well as from his own albums, and made it into one great song. Monica is not bad, although I think it was Leslie Cheung's song... Not sure. I use to like Oi Yu Seng, Bit Sat Gei and Dai Hong the best, but recently, I'm beginning to like Erm Hong and Sheong Zui Yan more and more. That's the thing with Leo Ku's album. You think you like certain songs, but then find out the others are better, and your appreciation just keeps growing and growing.
I can't believe I've only delved into the world of Chinese music only recently. I've been missing so much!
Ha... what were you thinking? Me, in love with a fellow human being? Never! You should know me better by now. Haha, bet you're so disappointed.
Well, I'm not lying when I said I'm in love. It's just that I'm in love with Chinese songs, not a person. There seems to be an array of good Chinese songs lately. Maybe it's the new year, and people feel inspired to be creative?
Take Lee Hom for instance. His latest album, Heroes of the Earth a.k.a. Gai Shi Ying Xiong, continues his legacy of "chinked-out" music that made its first appearance in Shangri-la. I particularly love his Hua Tian Cuo - the way he blends traditional Chinese opera with the modern hip-hop is so exquisite, and the erhu... just beautiful. Zai Mei Bian is another song that blends the traditional and the modern, but with rap instead. I must applaud Lee Hom's skill in rapping over 200+ words within a minute. Not one of his best songs, which show his composition skills, but it definitely shows his talent, creativity and hard work. Although I have not heard all the songs on the Heroes album, I know that many fans all over the world have fallen in love in it, and new fans were discovered because of the album. I was looking forward to get the cd when I saw Jackie's copy, but was bitterly disappointed when I found out the cd was all sold out... in 2 shops! Oh well, I have other sources..
Another one is Eason Chan Yik Sun. Recently, I bought his U87 album although I have already downloaded some of the songs. After all, what better way to support the artistes than buying their work? I caught sight of his latest album, Zen Me Yang on the shelves, but wasn't sure if I would buy it. I have downloaded 2 songs from Zen Me Yang, and have yet to hear the others. However, I am convinced after previewing other songs to buy the album. In this album, he sings mainly in Mandarin, although his albums before now were in Cantonese. Some singers can't cross the language divide and simply messes up. Take Jeff Chang, for example. He's superb when singing in Mandarin, but when he sings in Cantonese, he just sounds average, and just not to his full potential. However, I'd say Eason Chan pretty much made a smooth transition. Bu Ran Ni Yao Wo Zen Me Yang is a song with a very catchy tune, Dui Bu Qi Xie Xie is a typical love song, yet it catches my heart, and Bu Neng Zai Deng Dai is another sad love song that tugs at your heartstrings even more so with Eason's heartfelt voice.
Andy Lau is another great singer, who keeps churning out wonderful songs even at his age. Lately, I've been enamoured with Yuan Lai Wo You Ai. Ever since I first heard of the song back in Malaysia, I couldn't forget it. After scouring everywhere, I managed to download the song. So beautiful. Andy Lau's voice is meant for this type of song - soft, but bittersweet, with a slight edge. His Tin Bei Gou is a very uplifting sort of song, the type you hear in one of those Hong Kong cops movies' soundtrack. But be warned, it's very addictive to listen to during exam period, when you need that certain something to keep you awake. However, last year, I couldn't get the song out of my head for quite a while. It's rather hard to concentrate on studying when you've got a very semangat song beating in your head. Haha..
Another singer I greatly admire is Leo Ku. I've always like his songs, ever since Wang Le Shi Jian De Zhong, which incidentally, seems to be out of the market. Boohoo~! I bought his New+Best album, which is so good that I put it up there in my "Best Albums" list with Lee Hom's Shangri-la. I mean, sometimes, some songs are really good in an album, but the others kinda
I can't believe I've only delved into the world of Chinese music only recently. I've been missing so much!
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:12 PM
fate crumbled all around 3 comments
fate crumbled all around 3 comments
Upset... then Happy
I hate it when my sis gets my mom angry... because I always get the receiving end of Mom's anger. When my sis and my mom get into a shouting match, my sis usually goes to her room and hide, ignoring my mom. My mom would then proceed to talk to herself, about how irresponsible/horrible/inconsiderate/selfish my sis is... then would soon say the same about me. She would then scold me and blame me... for what my sis did. How is that fair, I ask you? I usually keep it in, and listen as she scolds me for something I didn't do. Today was no different.
My sis had brought in the laundry, and it was all wet. My mom was mad because my sis didn't say anything, and the clothes would begin to smell. She started getting mad, and started scolding my sis (who was on the phone in her room). Then, soon enough, she started scolding me. Saying I was irresponsible, and that I treat her like a servant.. That I don't do any work around the house. I listened quietly while she continued blaming me. Then my mom went out to dry the wet laundry in the dryer in the garage. I went out to my dad who was in the garden, and told him that because of my sis, Mom's blaming me. Then I went back into the house and went into my room. My mom then yelled at me to take some stuff into my room, and I did. I went inside my room, and tried to read. Then I heard my mom knocked on my sis door, telling her she wanted to talk to her. Later, I heard them shouting at each other, again. I didn't feel like reading, so I lied on my bed, quietly crying to myself till I fell asleep.
An hour later, my mom knocked on my door, asking me about something. She didn't yell or scold me, and so I knew, the awkwardness had passed. But maybe it was because I slept, it seemed too sudden... this calmness after the storm. I went back to my room, and fell asleep again. Short while later, Dad knocked on my door. I opened, and he said, "Mom says she's sorry for blaming you... do you want some tea?"
Yes, this is what you would expect from a non-confrontational family. Two different things - one important, one not - in the same sentence. I came out of my room, no longer feeling odd or upset. Although Mom didn't apologise directly to me, at least she apologised. It wasn't something she'd do usually. In fact, it was the first time she apologised to me. I asked my dad, "So you talked to her?" I assumed it was because of that she realised she was wrongfully blaming me. But Dad said he didn't. In fact, he just acted like normal.
I was quite happy... not hyper-happy, or relieved-happy... but a sort of, how do you say, appreciative-happy.
To know that Mom apologised, without any hinting from Dad, was something of a pleasant surprise. Yes, it was an indirect apology, but it was an apology nonetheless. Like I said, we're a non-confrontational family. And so, I'm happy. Thank you, Mom.
My sis had brought in the laundry, and it was all wet. My mom was mad because my sis didn't say anything, and the clothes would begin to smell. She started getting mad, and started scolding my sis (who was on the phone in her room). Then, soon enough, she started scolding me. Saying I was irresponsible, and that I treat her like a servant.. That I don't do any work around the house. I listened quietly while she continued blaming me. Then my mom went out to dry the wet laundry in the dryer in the garage. I went out to my dad who was in the garden, and told him that because of my sis, Mom's blaming me. Then I went back into the house and went into my room. My mom then yelled at me to take some stuff into my room, and I did. I went inside my room, and tried to read. Then I heard my mom knocked on my sis door, telling her she wanted to talk to her. Later, I heard them shouting at each other, again. I didn't feel like reading, so I lied on my bed, quietly crying to myself till I fell asleep.
An hour later, my mom knocked on my door, asking me about something. She didn't yell or scold me, and so I knew, the awkwardness had passed. But maybe it was because I slept, it seemed too sudden... this calmness after the storm. I went back to my room, and fell asleep again. Short while later, Dad knocked on my door. I opened, and he said, "Mom says she's sorry for blaming you... do you want some tea?"
Yes, this is what you would expect from a non-confrontational family. Two different things - one important, one not - in the same sentence. I came out of my room, no longer feeling odd or upset. Although Mom didn't apologise directly to me, at least she apologised. It wasn't something she'd do usually. In fact, it was the first time she apologised to me. I asked my dad, "So you talked to her?" I assumed it was because of that she realised she was wrongfully blaming me. But Dad said he didn't. In fact, he just acted like normal.
I was quite happy... not hyper-happy, or relieved-happy... but a sort of, how do you say, appreciative-happy.
To know that Mom apologised, without any hinting from Dad, was something of a pleasant surprise. Yes, it was an indirect apology, but it was an apology nonetheless. Like I said, we're a non-confrontational family. And so, I'm happy. Thank you, Mom.
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:21 AM
fate crumbled all around 2 comments
fate crumbled all around 2 comments
Saturday, February 04, 2006
It's Just The Little Things..
Funny how small, trivial things can matter so much.
Take my sis' boyfriend, for example. He seems nice, polite and has a good job in a well-known company. But there's always something about him that makes me feel at unease. Just little things, like the way he says certain things, or the way he responds to something. It shouldn't matter, I know. But sometimes, he gives me a chill up my spine. Like I should watch out or something. I don't know why... But he feels so... dangerous and unsafe. I've never felt like that with my sis's previous boyfriends. And well, I trust my gut instinct, a lot. But the problem is, maybe the reason I'm feeling defensive is because I'm being protective of my sister. After all, my feelings could be prejudiced.
But the little things that matter aren't just the weird, creepy, scary stuff. There's also the nice, warm, sweet stuff.
It was last week, I think, that I went out with some friends. We were on our way home from bowling, and were walking towards our cars. There was a car parked nearby, with two guys in it. As I glanced at them, one of the guys caught my eye. I couldn't see his face, seeing as he was seated in the car, and it was dark. But we made eye contact. And I felt my heart go ba-bump. Just one mere second. And then I looked away and walked off. I don't know why my heart throbbed so suddenly for a stranger whose face I couldn't see. All I saw was his eyes. I guess it's because these days, people just don't look at each other anymore. They simply don't make eye contact, even with friends. They look at each other, but they don't see the person they're talking to. They just sort of glance past the person. You know what I mean?? Intimacy is such a rare thing nowadays.. It's so hard to connect with people.
I think I will always remember those eyes.
Take my sis' boyfriend, for example. He seems nice, polite and has a good job in a well-known company. But there's always something about him that makes me feel at unease. Just little things, like the way he says certain things, or the way he responds to something. It shouldn't matter, I know. But sometimes, he gives me a chill up my spine. Like I should watch out or something. I don't know why... But he feels so... dangerous and unsafe. I've never felt like that with my sis's previous boyfriends. And well, I trust my gut instinct, a lot. But the problem is, maybe the reason I'm feeling defensive is because I'm being protective of my sister. After all, my feelings could be prejudiced.
But the little things that matter aren't just the weird, creepy, scary stuff. There's also the nice, warm, sweet stuff.
It was last week, I think, that I went out with some friends. We were on our way home from bowling, and were walking towards our cars. There was a car parked nearby, with two guys in it. As I glanced at them, one of the guys caught my eye. I couldn't see his face, seeing as he was seated in the car, and it was dark. But we made eye contact. And I felt my heart go ba-bump. Just one mere second. And then I looked away and walked off. I don't know why my heart throbbed so suddenly for a stranger whose face I couldn't see. All I saw was his eyes. I guess it's because these days, people just don't look at each other anymore. They simply don't make eye contact, even with friends. They look at each other, but they don't see the person they're talking to. They just sort of glance past the person. You know what I mean?? Intimacy is such a rare thing nowadays.. It's so hard to connect with people.
I think I will always remember those eyes.
i know that i have loved you ... at 6:03 PM
fate crumbled all around 2 comments
fate crumbled all around 2 comments
Thursday, February 02, 2006
More Depressing News...
Seems like I'll be feeling depressed for the next few days... Yesterday, I met up with Joey and the others for yum cha. I met an old classmate from high school, Alexis, who turns out to be Joey's brother's girlfriend! This city is so freaking small, I tell ya. To be honest, I wasn't all that close with Alexis. She was always a bit too friendly for my taste. It was getting a little crowded, you know? Well, after yesterday, I felt so guilty for thinking so meanly of her.
We were talking, and Alexis told me what was going on in school last year. No good news, it turns out. Many girls in school were high on drugs. Several girls in my class got pregnant, and a girl - whom I thought nice and sweet - had a seizure from taking too much drugs. A teacher was beaten up by her husband, and never returned to the school.
It was a shock, listening to Alexis recounting all this. Part of me was horrified. How could so many things happen in the period of one year? Another part of me was relieved that I left school early and escaped all that. And another part of me felt horribly guilty. Here I was, thinking mean thoughts about Alexis, who had to go through a year of that horror in school.
It started me thinking all sorts of thoughts. What if I had stayed? Would I be the same person? Would I go down the path so many of my schoolmates went? Would I attend uni? Would I be more appreciative of the university life I led now? Would things still be the same? Probably not. How could it be?
I just couldn't believe this was happening to people I actually know. You read about these things on the newspapers, hear about it from others... but you don't expect it to happen to you, or to people you know. You think it'll never happen to you, and you'll never feel the impact. That is when it hits the hardest.
I want to break down and cry... and cry for those who can't do it themselves. I hate this world sometimes. The diseases, pain and suffering it brings. It hurts so damn much! I know I have to remind myself that there are also miracles, happiness and love, but it's hard. It's so tempting to harden your heart, than try to keep the wounded heart open a bit longer.
My old classmates... where ever you are, whatever you do... I hope you are well. And me... I'll be depressed a bit longer, I think.
We were talking, and Alexis told me what was going on in school last year. No good news, it turns out. Many girls in school were high on drugs. Several girls in my class got pregnant, and a girl - whom I thought nice and sweet - had a seizure from taking too much drugs. A teacher was beaten up by her husband, and never returned to the school.
It was a shock, listening to Alexis recounting all this. Part of me was horrified. How could so many things happen in the period of one year? Another part of me was relieved that I left school early and escaped all that. And another part of me felt horribly guilty. Here I was, thinking mean thoughts about Alexis, who had to go through a year of that horror in school.
It started me thinking all sorts of thoughts. What if I had stayed? Would I be the same person? Would I go down the path so many of my schoolmates went? Would I attend uni? Would I be more appreciative of the university life I led now? Would things still be the same? Probably not. How could it be?
I just couldn't believe this was happening to people I actually know. You read about these things on the newspapers, hear about it from others... but you don't expect it to happen to you, or to people you know. You think it'll never happen to you, and you'll never feel the impact. That is when it hits the hardest.
I want to break down and cry... and cry for those who can't do it themselves. I hate this world sometimes. The diseases, pain and suffering it brings. It hurts so damn much! I know I have to remind myself that there are also miracles, happiness and love, but it's hard. It's so tempting to harden your heart, than try to keep the wounded heart open a bit longer.
My old classmates... where ever you are, whatever you do... I hope you are well. And me... I'll be depressed a bit longer, I think.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:22 PM
fate crumbled all around 1 comments
fate crumbled all around 1 comments