Friday, December 30, 2005
I Want To Cry
I thought I could accept change. But I couldn't. It hurts so much to know that there's nothing else I can do, except to accept it. Change is inevitable, I know that. But why?
I got a Christmas card from Lalitha today. There was a letter enclosed. I wanted to cry when I read: "King San and I are not that close anymore". I thought I was affected by change because I'm all the way over here in NZ. But even my friends, who study in the same school, are affected. I just can't accept this. Sometimes, I'd tell myself, "If I haven't left M'sia, everything would still be the same". But it isn't true, is it? No matter what, things will change. There's nothing I can do to stop it. Change, dreaded change, is inevitable.
Inevitable. I hate that word. I HATE THAT WORD! I want to cry. Really. I want to. Some people think I'm strong, and I try to be, but sometimes, I'm not strong. Not at all. The worst thing is, I can't bring myself to cry. I can't even relief this pain, this sharp thrust of pain in my heart - like someone took a dagger, stick it into me, and twist it.
The thing is, in Lalitha's letter, she wrote that she was "still the same old Lalitha". Except she isn't. How could she? How can you be the same person when a relationship changes? How? Being friends with Lalitha and King San... it's a part of who I am. If I lose that, do I lose me?
We used to be so close. The three of us. We did so many things together: we dreamed, we fought, we loved. Now it's just... Everything is in past tense now. 'We' don't exist anymore. There's only me, and her, and her. No longer 'us'.
I want to cry. Why can't I? I can feel my emotions, I can feel my eyes sting. But why can't I cry? Why can't Ifucking cry?
I cried a few days ago. I was angry. If I can cry when I'm mad, why not when I'm sad? It kills me that I can't even release this pain I feel inside.
I need to take a shower, and pretend that it's my tears that are raining down my face.
I got a Christmas card from Lalitha today. There was a letter enclosed. I wanted to cry when I read: "King San and I are not that close anymore". I thought I was affected by change because I'm all the way over here in NZ. But even my friends, who study in the same school, are affected. I just can't accept this. Sometimes, I'd tell myself, "If I haven't left M'sia, everything would still be the same". But it isn't true, is it? No matter what, things will change. There's nothing I can do to stop it. Change, dreaded change, is inevitable.
Inevitable. I hate that word. I HATE THAT WORD! I want to cry. Really. I want to. Some people think I'm strong, and I try to be, but sometimes, I'm not strong. Not at all. The worst thing is, I can't bring myself to cry. I can't even relief this pain, this sharp thrust of pain in my heart - like someone took a dagger, stick it into me, and twist it.
The thing is, in Lalitha's letter, she wrote that she was "still the same old Lalitha". Except she isn't. How could she? How can you be the same person when a relationship changes? How? Being friends with Lalitha and King San... it's a part of who I am. If I lose that, do I lose me?
We used to be so close. The three of us. We did so many things together: we dreamed, we fought, we loved. Now it's just... Everything is in past tense now. 'We' don't exist anymore. There's only me, and her, and her. No longer 'us'.
I want to cry. Why can't I? I can feel my emotions, I can feel my eyes sting. But why can't I cry? Why can't I
I cried a few days ago. I was angry. If I can cry when I'm mad, why not when I'm sad? It kills me that I can't even release this pain I feel inside.
I need to take a shower, and pretend that it's my tears that are raining down my face.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:27 PM
fate crumbled all around 1 comments
fate crumbled all around 1 comments
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
If I Had A Tattoo
Sometimes I'd look at the tattoos people have, it makes me go: That's soooo cool! I wanna have one too! But then I'd remember that I was afraid of tattoos. Huh. *sheepish*
The thing is, everytime I think of tattoos, I associate it with gangsters. Okay, so it's not so true nowadays, but I just can't get rid of that thought. Then there's the issue with hygiene. I remembered when I was younger, I heard tales of tattooing gone wrong. Rusty needles, non-effective anaesthetic, shoddy work, infections... etc. I know that nowadays, things are better and professional, but it's hard to shake off that scary feeling every time I pass by a tattoo parlor.
However, if I had a tattoo, I know what I would like. The words 'Loyalty' or 'Friendship' in Chinese. Maybe on the nape of my neck, or on my ankle.
The thing is, everytime I think of tattoos, I associate it with gangsters. Okay, so it's not so true nowadays, but I just can't get rid of that thought. Then there's the issue with hygiene. I remembered when I was younger, I heard tales of tattooing gone wrong. Rusty needles, non-effective anaesthetic, shoddy work, infections... etc. I know that nowadays, things are better and professional, but it's hard to shake off that scary feeling every time I pass by a tattoo parlor.
However, if I had a tattoo, I know what I would like. The words 'Loyalty' or 'Friendship' in Chinese. Maybe on the nape of my neck, or on my ankle.
top: Loyalty, bottom: Friendship
I guess the reason I chose these words because these are the things that mean a lot to me. I like to think I'm a loyal person, and I sure hope I am, because loyalty is something I expect from my friends and family. That's why I was so upset when I found out someone had betrayed my teacher. I expect loyalty not only to me, but to others as well. Friendship is equally important to me, and it's tied to loyalty in certain aspects. When people ask me what I expect from friends, loyalty is in the top of my list. Many people list kindness, patience, humour etc., but those aren't as important to me as loyalty. Another thing I expect is love. Once again, it's tied to loyalty. To me, when you love someone, you have to be loyal to that person. The third thing I expect - but don't quite require - from friends is trust. I know, I know... You must think: why isn't trust a requirement? Well, it's because I don't expect full and explicit trust. There are some things I can't tell my friends, and vice-versa, and I respect that. And I also know that trust is hard to establish, sometimes even more than love... So I don't expect people to trust me straightaway.
So here I am again, trailing off the topic, as usual. But let's get back to it, shall we? Tattoos... Another reason why I have an aversion to tattoos is because they're permanent. To get it off, you have to use laser surgery... which is not cheap, if I may add. Plus, it looks so... painful. That's why I prefer temporary tattoos. You know, the ones you stick onto your skin by wetting it. The ones that wear off in 2 weeks or so. Those are good because: A) they don't hurt like hell; B) they're temporary, which means if you get bored of the design, you can get a new one; C) they're cheap!; and D) they don't hurt like hell.
So, if you're getting a tattoo or you already have one... good for you! Just don't expect me to join you. I'm allergic to pain.
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:18 PM
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fate crumbled all around 0 comments
Do You Know What "Eavesdropping" Means?
I'm not trying to be a smartass know-it-all here, but do you know what "eavesdropping" means? Good for you if you do, 'cos whaddaya know, you know the meaning of "eavesdropping"! *insert applause here* If you don't know, good for you too, 'cos I'm gonna tell you.
It all started yesterday when I was out with some friends. We were supposed to go for yum cha, but went karaoke-ing instead. Then we went to play some arcade games and took pictures at a photo booth complete with Japanese instructions, which was no help at all. This has nothing to do with the word "eavesdropping", really. I'm just bragging. Yes, I am bragging. I'm so desperate for a social life that I'd settle for anything.
Okay, so where was I again? Oh yeah, yesterday... We were walking on the street when Jackie, very randomly, revealed that Adrian has no idea what "eavesdropping" means.
It started me thinking: why does "eavesdropping" means that? It's not as if there's a direct link between "dropping eaves" and "secretly listening"... So I decided to search on Wikipedia (click on link to go to article on "eavesdropping") on the word's origins. Turns out there was a link. According to Wikipedia, people used to literally hide on a house's eavesdrop (or eavesdrip) to listen in on private conversations. Interesting.
It's quite fun to read about the origins of words. Sometimes, the meaning of the word and the word itself seemed so far apart that you wonder how people arrive at creating that word. So now, we know why the word "eavesdropping" means what it means. All thanks to me. All hail The Almighty, All-Knowing Suet Li!!!
It all started yesterday when I was out with some friends. We were supposed to go for yum cha, but went karaoke-ing instead. Then we went to play some arcade games and took pictures at a photo booth complete with Japanese instructions, which was no help at all. This has nothing to do with the word "eavesdropping", really. I'm just bragging. Yes, I am bragging. I'm so desperate for a social life that I'd settle for anything.
Okay, so where was I again? Oh yeah, yesterday... We were walking on the street when Jackie, very randomly, revealed that Adrian has no idea what "eavesdropping" means.
Okay, so the word doesn't literally mean dropping eaves. It means secretly listening to other people's conversation(s).Jackie: Eh, Adrian don't know what "eavesdropping" means woh...
Me: Huh? You don't know one ah?
Adrian: *looks clueless*
Me: Oh... Eavesdropping ah, means dropping the eaves.
Adrian: *stares at me, incredulous*
Me: Yeah... it's true. You drop eaves. You know eaves? Neh, that thing on your roof, where rain water goes in one...
Jackie: No lah... What are you -?
Me: *raises voice* It's true lah, isn't it? *hints to J* You ask Jackie lah.
Jackie & Adrian: *ignores me*
It started me thinking: why does "eavesdropping" means that? It's not as if there's a direct link between "dropping eaves" and "secretly listening"... So I decided to search on Wikipedia (click on link to go to article on "eavesdropping") on the word's origins. Turns out there was a link. According to Wikipedia, people used to literally hide on a house's eavesdrop (or eavesdrip) to listen in on private conversations. Interesting.
It's quite fun to read about the origins of words. Sometimes, the meaning of the word and the word itself seemed so far apart that you wonder how people arrive at creating that word. So now, we know why the word "eavesdropping" means what it means. All thanks to me. All hail The Almighty, All-Knowing Suet Li!!!
i know that i have loved you ... at 8:31 PM
fate crumbled all around 3 comments
fate crumbled all around 3 comments
Monday, December 26, 2005
About A Boy
No, no. This isn't About A Boy which starred Hugh Grant, which was fantastic by the way... (it featured Hugh Grant, and anything that has Hugh Grant in it is automatically fabulous) It's about a boy I used to have a crush on. It was a short-lived crush, especially when I moved on to another boy. Haha! I'm so fickle. But hey, I only had 2 crushes in my 18 years of life. The second one was more long-lasting.. Lasted for about half a year, I think. Not all of my friends know whom the second guy is, so if you know, please don't announce in a loud voice, please!
Anyhoo, before I trail off again, here's a, um, something on the (first) boy:
Sometimes I wonder if I had told you how I felt
Would something have happened between us?
Would it be awkward when you reject me? (As I fully know you would)
Would it be funny when you tell your friends? (Laughing at me behind my back)
Or would it have meant nothing?
For I'm just a girl, among the midst of many others.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like
To have you feel for me the way I do
And I would dream (So many dreams)
And I would fantasise ( So many times)
But then I'd wake up
And I remember, you have eyes for another.
One day I came across your picture
I expect my heart to beat
Crazily (like a hyena's laughter)
Rapidly (like the blink of an eye)
Yet I surprised myself
I no longer felt for you the way I used to.
Is it a process of growing up?
Or simply forgetting why I liked you?
I try to figure out (oh, how hard I tried!)
Trying to pinpoint the problem (give me anything!)
So I told myself
It's because your teeth are straight, no longer crooked in that cute way.
Funny, isn't it?
To fall in love with crooked teeth
You had pointy little fangs
Your front teeth stuck out when you smiled
So I guess the secret's out
I was attracted not to you but to your teeth!
No, not your teeth
That's simply ridiculous
I was attracted to your smile (Your pointy, crooked smile)
The way the sun shines in you (So bright it was blinding)
You brought out the best in me
And for that, I thank you.
Okay, let me clarify first. It's NOT a poem. It's simply how I felt. So no criticising me on my rhyming scheme or stanza length or whatever!
Anyhoo, before I trail off again, here's a, um, something on the (first) boy:
Sometimes I wonder if I had told you how I felt
Would something have happened between us?
Would it be awkward when you reject me? (As I fully know you would)
Would it be funny when you tell your friends? (Laughing at me behind my back)
Or would it have meant nothing?
For I'm just a girl, among the midst of many others.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like
To have you feel for me the way I do
And I would dream (So many dreams)
And I would fantasise ( So many times)
But then I'd wake up
And I remember, you have eyes for another.
One day I came across your picture
I expect my heart to beat
Crazily (like a hyena's laughter)
Rapidly (like the blink of an eye)
Yet I surprised myself
I no longer felt for you the way I used to.
Is it a process of growing up?
Or simply forgetting why I liked you?
I try to figure out (oh, how hard I tried!)
Trying to pinpoint the problem (give me anything!)
So I told myself
It's because your teeth are straight, no longer crooked in that cute way.
Funny, isn't it?
To fall in love with crooked teeth
You had pointy little fangs
Your front teeth stuck out when you smiled
So I guess the secret's out
I was attracted not to you but to your teeth!
No, not your teeth
That's simply ridiculous
I was attracted to your smile (Your pointy, crooked smile)
The way the sun shines in you (So bright it was blinding)
You brought out the best in me
And for that, I thank you.
Okay, let me clarify first. It's NOT a poem. It's simply how I felt. So no criticising me on my rhyming scheme or stanza length or whatever!
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:50 AM
fate crumbled all around 6 comments
fate crumbled all around 6 comments
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Spirited Away
I was watching Spirited Away on DVD yesterday... although I should have been concentrating on finishing my endless list of to-do things. But as you probably know, I am lazy. And I procrastinate. A lot. Anyhoo.. back to topic. Even though I've watched Spirited Away before, I still teared up at the end. It's such a good film!! I'm so glad I have it as my Christmas present.
Ok. So technically Christmas isn't here yet, and you're not supposed to open your presents before Christmas Day... but bah! Who cares? Anyway, it was given by my sister. With my sis, I always ask her what she wants, and she'll tell me, then I'll pay... and vice-versa. That way, we won't end up giving each other stuff we don't like. After all, we have very different tastes. So that way, it works out.
So this year, my Christmas present is this: 2 DVDs - Spirited Away and Edward Scissorhands.
Isn't that so super-duper cool? I really love Spirited Away... so much so that I even went to read the book(with the graphics from the movie), bought a Spirited Away jigsaw puzzle, downloaded the theme songs, and downloaded pictures. It's such a beautiful story. If there's anyone in the world (if any at all!) who hasn't watch this movie... GO WATCH IT!! I absolutely recommend it. My rating: Infinite gold stars!! I think Spirited Away would go into my All-time Favourites list. I don't think I'll ever get bored of it. Just thinking about it makes me wanna go watch it all over again.. I especially love Haku. He's so... sigh. No words can describe the feeling well enough. One thing about the movie, though... the relationship between Chihiro and Haku.. I thought it would have gone further at first, but it turns out... Let's not spoil the ending for those who hasn't watch (watch it watch it watch it NOW!!). However, it's still so good. Sigh. I need to go daydream about Spirited Away now...
p/s: I'm going away for a family vacation down to Wellington for a week. So I won't be updating until after Christmas. Hopefully, there'll be loads of pics from my trip! Merry Christmas, everybody!
Ok. So technically Christmas isn't here yet, and you're not supposed to open your presents before Christmas Day... but bah! Who cares? Anyway, it was given by my sister. With my sis, I always ask her what she wants, and she'll tell me, then I'll pay... and vice-versa. That way, we won't end up giving each other stuff we don't like. After all, we have very different tastes. So that way, it works out.
So this year, my Christmas present is this: 2 DVDs - Spirited Away and Edward Scissorhands.
Isn't that so super-duper cool? I really love Spirited Away... so much so that I even went to read the book(with the graphics from the movie), bought a Spirited Away jigsaw puzzle, downloaded the theme songs, and downloaded pictures. It's such a beautiful story. If there's anyone in the world (if any at all!) who hasn't watch this movie... GO WATCH IT!! I absolutely recommend it. My rating: Infinite gold stars!! I think Spirited Away would go into my All-time Favourites list. I don't think I'll ever get bored of it. Just thinking about it makes me wanna go watch it all over again.. I especially love Haku. He's so... sigh. No words can describe the feeling well enough. One thing about the movie, though... the relationship between Chihiro and Haku.. I thought it would have gone further at first, but it turns out... Let's not spoil the ending for those who hasn't watch (watch it watch it watch it NOW!!). However, it's still so good. Sigh. I need to go daydream about Spirited Away now...
p/s: I'm going away for a family vacation down to Wellington for a week. So I won't be updating until after Christmas. Hopefully, there'll be loads of pics from my trip! Merry Christmas, everybody!
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:45 PM
fate crumbled all around 2 comments
fate crumbled all around 2 comments
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Crushed Like A Bug
A week ago, I called up my bank to subscribe to their rewards points programme for my credit card. While processing my account, the polite man over the phone asked if I would do a survey. "Sure," I said. I was bored, and I didn't want to listen to my own breathing while waiting for my account to be processed (I tend to sound like a stalker with heavy breathing when I'm on hold on the phone). There were the usual suspects, such as what sports/interests do you have. That sorta thing. Then, there was one question, which sounded sorta out-of-place. "Do you like change?" I was stuck. I mumbled, "Yeah." But like most people during surveys, I wasn't really being totally honest. It wasn't a question I could say "yes" or "no" to, and I seriously doubt the man wanted an answer with more than one syllable.
Do I like change? It depends, really. If things go my way, then yeah, I'm all for it. But if things go downhill, then hell, no. But it still depends on the situations, and what results from those situations.
For example, life changed for me when I left for New Zealand. Do I like this change?
In general, yes. I enjoyed the high school education system over here way more than back in Malaysia. I loved the fact that I made many friends from different countries. I love the variety of courses available in uni, which might not be available back home. I love the clean air, the beautiful scenery, the theatre.
At the same time, there's many things I would rather be the same. I miss the fact that there are no mamak stalls or pasar malams. I wish shopping malls were more like the ones back home. I miss the close-knit feeling you have in class in high school - where every student know each other. I miss the same all-year-round weather - no change of seasons. I miss the relationship I had with some friends that inevitably changed when I left.
I think, one of the worst change I had was the change in friendship with some friends. With some of my closest friends, my move to NZ not only strengthened our friendship, but also deepened our understanding of each other. With several friends, we did the Net Buddy thing, forwarding mails, adding each other to online address books, adding each other in Friendster. Nothing more, nothing less. But with some friends, things went wrong. We sent emails, which started out from weekly, to monthly, to nothing. For a year, we had no contact. Things became awkward. When these friends were online on my MSN messenger, I put my status to "Appear Offline" in order to avoid them. Later, I blocked them, so they couldn't even see when I was online. It was odd, at first. We were such good friends back home. Slowly, I began to accept it. I told myself: "Things were bound to change anyway." I never thought that by not doing anything, I was facilitating the change myself.
Then, I went home for a 2-month holiday. It took me a while, but I decided to contact these friends. I thought everything was going to be like it used to be. How wrong I was! With one of my friends, things went back to normal. It's almost as if that one year of silence never even happened. But with another... things became worse. While I was back in Malaysia, I heard of something bad of her. I thought it could be just a nasty rumor, seeing as how it was told by someone who disliked her. Then I heard it from the horse's mouth. It was true. I don't want to go into details here, and I don't think the persons involved would want me to tell others... But what happened is this: she betrayed a trusted and loved teacher. Accusations flew everywhere, and reputations were ruined. But worst of all, trust was betrayed.
Out of a sense of duty and loyalty to my teacher, I stopped having contact with this 'friend'. Yet, I felt conflicted. Friendship means a lot to me, and that includes understanding and forgiveness. But loyalty is as important to me as well. What was I to do? Instead of confronting this friend, I avoided her. For a year.
A few days ago, I was online, when she signed on to MSN messenger. My first thought was to avoid her. But as I thought about it, I was plagued by my own guilt. I thought, "I need to give her a chance to explain, at least. She deserves that." So, I summoned all my courage and sent her a message.
Change... do I like it? I won't exactly say that I'll welcome it with open arms, that's for sure.
Do I like change? It depends, really. If things go my way, then yeah, I'm all for it. But if things go downhill, then hell, no. But it still depends on the situations, and what results from those situations.
For example, life changed for me when I left for New Zealand. Do I like this change?
In general, yes. I enjoyed the high school education system over here way more than back in Malaysia. I loved the fact that I made many friends from different countries. I love the variety of courses available in uni, which might not be available back home. I love the clean air, the beautiful scenery, the theatre.
At the same time, there's many things I would rather be the same. I miss the fact that there are no mamak stalls or pasar malams. I wish shopping malls were more like the ones back home. I miss the close-knit feeling you have in class in high school - where every student know each other. I miss the same all-year-round weather - no change of seasons. I miss the relationship I had with some friends that inevitably changed when I left.
I think, one of the worst change I had was the change in friendship with some friends. With some of my closest friends, my move to NZ not only strengthened our friendship, but also deepened our understanding of each other. With several friends, we did the Net Buddy thing, forwarding mails, adding each other to online address books, adding each other in Friendster. Nothing more, nothing less. But with some friends, things went wrong. We sent emails, which started out from weekly, to monthly, to nothing. For a year, we had no contact. Things became awkward. When these friends were online on my MSN messenger, I put my status to "Appear Offline" in order to avoid them. Later, I blocked them, so they couldn't even see when I was online. It was odd, at first. We were such good friends back home. Slowly, I began to accept it. I told myself: "Things were bound to change anyway." I never thought that by not doing anything, I was facilitating the change myself.
Then, I went home for a 2-month holiday. It took me a while, but I decided to contact these friends. I thought everything was going to be like it used to be. How wrong I was! With one of my friends, things went back to normal. It's almost as if that one year of silence never even happened. But with another... things became worse. While I was back in Malaysia, I heard of something bad of her. I thought it could be just a nasty rumor, seeing as how it was told by someone who disliked her. Then I heard it from the horse's mouth. It was true. I don't want to go into details here, and I don't think the persons involved would want me to tell others... But what happened is this: she betrayed a trusted and loved teacher. Accusations flew everywhere, and reputations were ruined. But worst of all, trust was betrayed.
Out of a sense of duty and loyalty to my teacher, I stopped having contact with this 'friend'. Yet, I felt conflicted. Friendship means a lot to me, and that includes understanding and forgiveness. But loyalty is as important to me as well. What was I to do? Instead of confronting this friend, I avoided her. For a year.
A few days ago, I was online, when she signed on to MSN messenger. My first thought was to avoid her. But as I thought about it, I was plagued by my own guilt. I thought, "I need to give her a chance to explain, at least. She deserves that." So, I summoned all my courage and sent her a message.
I felt like I was being slapped in the face. Here I was, trying to be friendly... and she couldn't even say something more! She kept inserting the same smiley face - of a monkey nodding its head. That's it. Am I reading too much into this? Was she really just busy, instead of trying to avoid me the way I did her? Whatever it is, I felt crushed. Crushed like a bug. Total devastation. I felt almost cheated, as if it wasn't fair I had been repressing all this guilt for a year for nothing. I know, it's ridiculous, but somehow I can't get rid of the feeling that our friendship will never be repaired. When I first met her, she was quite snobbish, but I managed to see past that. Friends who knew her long before I did warned me about her attitude, but I thought I should give her the benefit of a doubt. Now, am I betraying my teacher by trying to offer her an olive branch??Me: Hi.
Her: Hi.
Me: Sorry about not keeping in contact.
Her: *inserts smiley face*
Me: It's been awkward.
Her: *inserts same smiley face*
Me: So how've you been?
Her: I'm okay... I'll talk to you another time, ok?
Me: Ok. See ya.
Change... do I like it? I won't exactly say that I'll welcome it with open arms, that's for sure.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:37 PM
fate crumbled all around 8 comments
fate crumbled all around 8 comments
Friday, December 09, 2005
Contraception Equals Abstinence??
Remember the post from two days ago? The one about abortion? Yeah. I just can't get my mind off it. It just enrages me that most traditional Asian mindset is this: Contraception = Abstinence. Ok. So, how exactly did I come to this conclusion? Easy. It's exactly what most old-fashioned Asian parents think.
Abortion is a big problem. It shouldn't be a solution to unwanted pregnancies, but it often is... especially among Asians. And I'm not being stereotypical. It's true. While I was doing some research on the pro-choice/pro-life stances on abortion on the Internet, I came across this on The New Zealand Medical Journal:
So, I'll leave you with this: Don't be afraid to learn about sex and contraception, and don't be afraid to teach your children about "the birds and the bees". After all, it's better to be safe than sorry.
(note: The NZ Medical Journal was written in 2003; while Dr. Choong's article was written in 1997 - yes, it's very old, but the issues are still very true!)
(p/s: I sorta heard about a change in the sex education policy in Malaysia... but I'm not sure of its details. Please let me know if there are changes.)
Abortion is a big problem. It shouldn't be a solution to unwanted pregnancies, but it often is... especially among Asians. And I'm not being stereotypical. It's true. While I was doing some research on the pro-choice/pro-life stances on abortion on the Internet, I came across this on The New Zealand Medical Journal:
Most Asian women who have terminated their pregnancies are young, usually students. As seen in the quote above, they lack adequate contraceptive education. Why am I not surprised? The thing is, most Asians probably never got their "birds and bees" talk from their parents. Most learn about sex through school. For Malaysians, we have sex education at the age of 15. And even then, not much can be learned about responsible sexual behavior or contraception. It is so much of a taboo topic that even (some) teachers are reluctant to teach it in detail. According to Dr. Choong Sim Poey in his article, End the Ignorance on Sex, traditional arguments against sex education in schools include:"It is speculated that ethnic Chinese women lack adequate contraceptive education, demonstrate distrust of non-barrier methods, believe men should provide the prophylactic, and mistakenly believe contraception unnecessary for the first week following menstruation."
There are two problems with this argument, as pointed out by Dr. Choong:"Teaching school children about sex encourages irresponsible behavior and sexual promiscuity; and only parents should be allowed to teach sex to children."
I can understand why some parents are so reluctant in discussing the topic of SEX. It is a topic most aren't comfortable with, especially with their children. In fact, most parents would hope naively that their children would not have sex... not until after they're married, that is. However, it is important that they have THE TALK with their children. Most kids aren't interested in actually having sex, but they are curious about it. And one way to satisfy your curiosity? To do it. I know this might sound ridiculous, but there are some teenagers who decided to have sex in order to know what it's all about. After all, the more taboo and forbidden something is, the more the allure. In fact, considering most teenagers are in a rebellious stage, they are likely to do something they're forbidden to do, ie. sex, just in spite of their parents. I, for one, never had THE TALK with my parents. I even confronted my parents about it, but they were so blasé about it. "Aiyah, you learnt it in school already what!" Luckily for them (and for me!), I did learnt about sex in school... in New Zealand, that is. To be honest, I knew practically nothing about sex in Malaysia, even after learning about it at school. As pointed out in Dr. Choong's article:"Such views have been totally discredited by all known studies, which have shown that sex education, properly taught, encourages responsible sexual behavior, and that parents as a group are poor providers of sex education. Few children receive reliable sexual information from their parents."
What I'm trying to say is this: sex education is important. For most old-fashioned Asians, the only contraception is abstinence. Too bad it doesn't work. It's important for teenagers to learn about responsible sexual behavior and sexual diseases. Avoiding the topic doesn't mean teenagers won't have sex, and approaching the topic doesn't mean you're encouraging teenagers to have sex. Oh yeah, and sex education at Form Three? Change it, please. Puberty for children starts earlier and earlier nowadays. For me, it started at 13. But for many of my friends, it started as early as 10. Sex education at Form Three seems to be a little late to me, don't you think? I mean, look at my cousin. She was pregnant at 13. By the time she learnt about sex in school during Form Three, she already had a 2-year-old daughter."Surveys and studies on students and school-leavers show an alarming gap in essential sexual knowledge together with clear evidence of increasingly early sexual experience."
So, I'll leave you with this: Don't be afraid to learn about sex and contraception, and don't be afraid to teach your children about "the birds and the bees". After all, it's better to be safe than sorry.
(note: The NZ Medical Journal was written in 2003; while Dr. Choong's article was written in 1997 - yes, it's very old, but the issues are still very true!)
(p/s: I sorta heard about a change in the sex education policy in Malaysia... but I'm not sure of its details. Please let me know if there are changes.)
i know that i have loved you ... at 6:34 PM
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How to make a Suet Li cocktail?
Saw this cute little quiz-thingy on Shing Yee's blog. Decided to steal it and lure Shing to visit my blog... whether she visits or not is another case. Heh.
| How to make a Suet Li |
| Ingredients: 5 parts anger 5 parts craziness 3 parts leadership |
| Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little lustfulness if desired! |
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:09 PM
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Thursday, December 08, 2005
How Can I Write About A Sensitive Issue?
Abortion -- an issue most wouldn't want to discuss. Pro-choice vs pro-life. Must we really choose?? Even though I tend towards pro-choice, I can't really say for sure that I can take that stand forever. Personally, I would not agree to abortion. I love children, and if I ever had to make a choice between a bright future of my own, and a baby... I would choose having the baby. For some people, having a baby would still work out well, and they're happy they chose a child over work/education/life in general/etc. But this may not be the case for everyone.
Take a cousin of mine, for example. She was 13 when she became pregnant. Forced into a shotgun wedding, she tranformed from a child fresh from primary school, to a wife and mother. Abortion was never a choice. Not because my uncle and aunt thought it was wrong or immoral, or that my cousin wanted the baby, but because the only choice in this sort of situation - to them - was marriage. It's the traditional mindset of the Chinese, typically of the older generation. I'm not saying that she should have an abortion. I just think that a wedding is not the answer. Rather, I believe, other choices could have been a better solution. For example, giving the baby up for adoption. My cousin was only 13! She was a child herself. She wasn't ready to be a mother. All those times I hear my grandmother spoke about my cousin, saying she didn't want her baby anymore... It broke my heart, thinking about the poor child, so resented by her own mother.
It's been years since I last heard about my cousin and her child. I've only seen my little niece once. She was a cute little thing, quiet, with big eyes. The way she called me "Ah Yi, Ah Yi" (meaning Aunt) tugged at my heartstrings. My cousin - her mother - wasn't there. Instead, my uncle, aunt, and my grandmother were looking after her. Perhaps now, my cousin has grown to love her daughter. Perhaps she has matured, and no longer resents her daughter. I can only hope.
The point is, how can one decide on such a sensitive issue as abortion? Is it really that immoral? Is it really murder? After all, there could be exceptional cases. What if you knew that you couldn't give the child a good life? What if bringing the child into the world meant bringing the child into a life of suffering?? I can't agree to pro-life this way. Quality of life is more important than mortality. Yet, condoning abortion seem to be an act against all my instincts... Abortion is something I could never imagine myself do. But I tend towards pro-choice still. Why? Well, I came across a pro-choice website that states that pro-choice isn't pro-abortion, it's pro-CHOICE. It's about having choices.
The reason why I'm going on about this today is because of a story I wrote. It started out as a protest story, which became a flop as I was clueless as to what to write. So I decided to write about something I actually knew about, and had an opinion on. The story became... well, my cousin's story, with some changes. But now that the story's finished, I can't help but feel rather patronizing. As if I'm telling people to condone abortion. But I'm not. I just want to let people know how I feel, that's all. And what I feel is this: Everyone deserves having a choice. So now, I'm rewriting my story, hoping that the second version's message would come out clearer and less condescending. Fingers crossed!
Take a cousin of mine, for example. She was 13 when she became pregnant. Forced into a shotgun wedding, she tranformed from a child fresh from primary school, to a wife and mother. Abortion was never a choice. Not because my uncle and aunt thought it was wrong or immoral, or that my cousin wanted the baby, but because the only choice in this sort of situation - to them - was marriage. It's the traditional mindset of the Chinese, typically of the older generation. I'm not saying that she should have an abortion. I just think that a wedding is not the answer. Rather, I believe, other choices could have been a better solution. For example, giving the baby up for adoption. My cousin was only 13! She was a child herself. She wasn't ready to be a mother. All those times I hear my grandmother spoke about my cousin, saying she didn't want her baby anymore... It broke my heart, thinking about the poor child, so resented by her own mother.
It's been years since I last heard about my cousin and her child. I've only seen my little niece once. She was a cute little thing, quiet, with big eyes. The way she called me "Ah Yi, Ah Yi" (meaning Aunt) tugged at my heartstrings. My cousin - her mother - wasn't there. Instead, my uncle, aunt, and my grandmother were looking after her. Perhaps now, my cousin has grown to love her daughter. Perhaps she has matured, and no longer resents her daughter. I can only hope.
The point is, how can one decide on such a sensitive issue as abortion? Is it really that immoral? Is it really murder? After all, there could be exceptional cases. What if you knew that you couldn't give the child a good life? What if bringing the child into the world meant bringing the child into a life of suffering?? I can't agree to pro-life this way. Quality of life is more important than mortality. Yet, condoning abortion seem to be an act against all my instincts... Abortion is something I could never imagine myself do. But I tend towards pro-choice still. Why? Well, I came across a pro-choice website that states that pro-choice isn't pro-abortion, it's pro-CHOICE. It's about having choices.
The reason why I'm going on about this today is because of a story I wrote. It started out as a protest story, which became a flop as I was clueless as to what to write. So I decided to write about something I actually knew about, and had an opinion on. The story became... well, my cousin's story, with some changes. But now that the story's finished, I can't help but feel rather patronizing. As if I'm telling people to condone abortion. But I'm not. I just want to let people know how I feel, that's all. And what I feel is this: Everyone deserves having a choice. So now, I'm rewriting my story, hoping that the second version's message would come out clearer and less condescending. Fingers crossed!
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:26 PM
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