Friday, June 08, 2007
out with the old, in with the new
I'm using a new blog from now on.
This place is too old and filled with memories I rather not revisit.
Click here for my new blog.
I won't delete this blog. But like an old photo album, I will hide it away in the attic of my mind and leave it there to collect dust and spiderwebs.
This place is too old and filled with memories I rather not revisit.
Click here for my new blog.
I won't delete this blog. But like an old photo album, I will hide it away in the attic of my mind and leave it there to collect dust and spiderwebs.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:02 AM
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Tuesday, May 22, 2007
It's my life. Don't put your foot in it.
I've always thought I was doing well in uni... maybe not passing with flying colours, but hey, I have my fair share of As and A minuses. So maybe I'm just doing okay - I could do better, I suppose (that's what some people keep telling me) - but I'm certainly not failing or anything like that.
So why is it that I get the feeling people are disappointed in me? There are people who come and tell me that I should work harder or that I could do better. And I don't just mean my parents.
Or I have friends who are also studying who basically think I have it easy. I don't work hard and I don't stress. Unlike them. I'm sorry if you think that, because you're absolutely WRONG!! You have no idea how much I work my ass off just to get to where I am today. Just because I study differently from the way you do does not mean I do not study! I just use a different method, because it suits me, just the way your method suits you.
Stop saying stuff like, "Irene, you're so lucky. You don't feel stress." or "If only I was relaxed like you all the time." Fuck, everyone gets stressed every now and then. I just happen to handle it in a different way than you do, i.e. being confident that I can finish my assignment on time or I can pass a test. Unlike you, I do not feel the need to be negative all day and mope around. I have had my fair share of being depressed. I do not need to be more depressed by worrying senselessly about uni. I have other things in life to worry about, and no, my life isn't as sweet and easy as you think.
We all have our problems. How dare you think that yours is more important than mine, or anyone else's, for that matter. It is not a competition, okay? It's LIFE.
So get a clue. And get a life. Stop obsessing over mine.
So why is it that I get the feeling people are disappointed in me? There are people who come and tell me that I should work harder or that I could do better. And I don't just mean my parents.
Or I have friends who are also studying who basically think I have it easy. I don't work hard and I don't stress. Unlike them. I'm sorry if you think that, because you're absolutely WRONG!! You have no idea how much I work my ass off just to get to where I am today. Just because I study differently from the way you do does not mean I do not study! I just use a different method, because it suits me, just the way your method suits you.
Stop saying stuff like, "Irene, you're so lucky. You don't feel stress." or "If only I was relaxed like you all the time." Fuck, everyone gets stressed every now and then. I just happen to handle it in a different way than you do, i.e. being confident that I can finish my assignment on time or I can pass a test. Unlike you, I do not feel the need to be negative all day and mope around. I have had my fair share of being depressed. I do not need to be more depressed by worrying senselessly about uni. I have other things in life to worry about, and no, my life isn't as sweet and easy as you think.
We all have our problems. How dare you think that yours is more important than mine, or anyone else's, for that matter. It is not a competition, okay? It's LIFE.
So get a clue. And get a life. Stop obsessing over mine.
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:40 AM
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Friday, February 02, 2007
A Reason For Everything
I've always believed in the saying "there's a reason for everything", and really, I just believe that there is only ONE reason for everything that's happened in our lives: so that we can experience it.
I believe that anything that has ever happened to me, happened for a reason. It happened so that I can learn from it, grow from it, experience from it. It may not always be a good thing. It is sometimes such a horrible, horrible thing that I would wish that it had never happened at all. Sometimes the pain and suffering I go through is so great, that no amount of tears can console me. But at the end, I know that because of what I have experienced, I have become a different person. I am more cautious, considerate, thoughtful and much more because of it.
I believe in being able to experience something, is better than not to experience it at all.
Recently, I've had some experiences that has changed me. Whether for the better or not, I am not quite sure.
One experience I relish, because I've learnt to challenge my limits, and I've learnt to test my determination. And I relish it all the more, because I survived through it all.
Another experience I cringe at the thought of, because I've realised how one simple mistake can ruin everything, how carelessness can bring me to my demise. I am hoping to survive it, but I am still waiting to see its outcome.
It is times like these that I must remind myself: there is a reason for everything. I experience it so I can learn from it. It makes me who I am... present and future.
I believe that anything that has ever happened to me, happened for a reason. It happened so that I can learn from it, grow from it, experience from it. It may not always be a good thing. It is sometimes such a horrible, horrible thing that I would wish that it had never happened at all. Sometimes the pain and suffering I go through is so great, that no amount of tears can console me. But at the end, I know that because of what I have experienced, I have become a different person. I am more cautious, considerate, thoughtful and much more because of it.
I believe in being able to experience something, is better than not to experience it at all.
Recently, I've had some experiences that has changed me. Whether for the better or not, I am not quite sure.
One experience I relish, because I've learnt to challenge my limits, and I've learnt to test my determination. And I relish it all the more, because I survived through it all.
Another experience I cringe at the thought of, because I've realised how one simple mistake can ruin everything, how carelessness can bring me to my demise. I am hoping to survive it, but I am still waiting to see its outcome.
It is times like these that I must remind myself: there is a reason for everything. I experience it so I can learn from it. It makes me who I am... present and future.
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:09 AM
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Monday, January 22, 2007
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
You've probably heard Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars on the radio or on the telly. My sister says it's claimed to be the purest love song ever, but listening to it, I don't think it as much pure as I think it to be naive.
We'll do it all everything, on our own
We don't need anything, or anyone
If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
It's like how you would feel, when you think you're in love.. when you feel like you're in love. Nothing else matters. It's only you and that special person. You feel like the world belongs only to the two of you. You would do anything, anything at all to protect what you and that person have. It sounds so perfect, except that it's not.
Reality bites. It's too naive, too silly even, to think that such a thing can be true. We all want to believe this song, and perhaps that's the reason why it's so popular.
Forget what we're told, before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where, confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
When you're deep in that moment, you feel like nothing will ever change. You believe in forever. But we are always changing, in every day of our lives. They may be small, those changes... but they are there. They happen to every one of us. Not one of us is excluded.
Maybe you and that person can change at the same pace, learning to grow together and experience all that life brings together. But what if you are at a different pace? Can one person slow down, and wait for the other to catch up?
It's not that I think it's so bad to have dreams, to believe that forever can be possible. I, too, like to believe in forever. And I even hope that the first could be the last. But we have to be realistic as well, and be able to accept that things may not go exactly to plan.
In the end, the most important thing is to live in the moment, to enjoy every new sensation, every new feeling, every new experience. You can dream, you can hope, but you cannot lie to yourself. Dreams can become true, but they can be shattered as well. Like so many things in life, beware the double-edged blade.
If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
We'll do it all everything, on our own
We don't need anything, or anyone
If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
It's like how you would feel, when you think you're in love.. when you feel like you're in love. Nothing else matters. It's only you and that special person. You feel like the world belongs only to the two of you. You would do anything, anything at all to protect what you and that person have. It sounds so perfect, except that it's not.
Reality bites. It's too naive, too silly even, to think that such a thing can be true. We all want to believe this song, and perhaps that's the reason why it's so popular.
Forget what we're told, before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where, confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
When you're deep in that moment, you feel like nothing will ever change. You believe in forever. But we are always changing, in every day of our lives. They may be small, those changes... but they are there. They happen to every one of us. Not one of us is excluded.
Maybe you and that person can change at the same pace, learning to grow together and experience all that life brings together. But what if you are at a different pace? Can one person slow down, and wait for the other to catch up?
It's not that I think it's so bad to have dreams, to believe that forever can be possible. I, too, like to believe in forever. And I even hope that the first could be the last. But we have to be realistic as well, and be able to accept that things may not go exactly to plan.
In the end, the most important thing is to live in the moment, to enjoy every new sensation, every new feeling, every new experience. You can dream, you can hope, but you cannot lie to yourself. Dreams can become true, but they can be shattered as well. Like so many things in life, beware the double-edged blade.
If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Yes.
i know that i have loved you ... at 5:12 PM
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Monday, January 08, 2007
Belated First Post of 2007
So.. first post of 2007, eh? It should be about something meaningful, shouldn't it? Like.. new year's resolutions, or new year's eve celebrations, or insights about the past year.
# New Year's resolutions... none.
Well, I'd be lying if I said that. But I don't wanna write down my New Year's resolutions. There is this tendency for someone to remind me what I have and haven't done. Very annoying wan, you know! Plus, it seems so set in stone, that there seems to be no flexibility whatsoever. I like to have full control over my resolutions, thank you very much.
# New Year's Eve celebrations... very eventful.
For those who were there, need I explain? For those who weren't, I think it's better you stay ignorant. ;) It was such an eventful night. It started out boring, then infuriating, then painful, and finally... it ended with love. Because love conquers all, as always!! Haha. But seriously, though, I'm so sorry for making any of you guys worry and sorry for ruining what was supposed to be a great night! But mostly, I'm sorry, sayang, for not understanding you and for pushing you away.
# Insights about the past year... oh, where do I start?!
In the past year, I've grown to understand and love the friends I have now. I've learnt that even if you change, you can still be the same person inside. I got the courage to say the three little words I never thought I could ever say. I found love with the person I never expected to find it with. I've worked harder than the year before, and I can honestly say that it's true. I've accepted the fact that I'm very average in lots of things, but I can and will be extraordinary in my determination.
So, here ends my (belated!) first post of 2007. Happy New Year, everybody! Let's have a good one this year!!
# New Year's resolutions... none.
Well, I'd be lying if I said that. But I don't wanna write down my New Year's resolutions. There is this tendency for someone to remind me what I have and haven't done. Very annoying wan, you know! Plus, it seems so set in stone, that there seems to be no flexibility whatsoever. I like to have full control over my resolutions, thank you very much.
# New Year's Eve celebrations... very eventful.
For those who were there, need I explain? For those who weren't, I think it's better you stay ignorant. ;) It was such an eventful night. It started out boring, then infuriating, then painful, and finally... it ended with love. Because love conquers all, as always!! Haha. But seriously, though, I'm so sorry for making any of you guys worry and sorry for ruining what was supposed to be a great night! But mostly, I'm sorry, sayang, for not understanding you and for pushing you away.
# Insights about the past year... oh, where do I start?!
In the past year, I've grown to understand and love the friends I have now. I've learnt that even if you change, you can still be the same person inside. I got the courage to say the three little words I never thought I could ever say. I found love with the person I never expected to find it with. I've worked harder than the year before, and I can honestly say that it's true. I've accepted the fact that I'm very average in lots of things, but I can and will be extraordinary in my determination.
So, here ends my (belated!) first post of 2007. Happy New Year, everybody! Let's have a good one this year!!
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:08 AM
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Thursday, December 21, 2006
I Feel Lost. Will You Come Help Me?
A few days ago, I was angry. Enraged. Irritable. I couldn't find a way to contain the emotion tearing through me, and I tried writing it down in an email, but it only made me even angrier at everything. So I stopped writing, and I poured all my concentration into reading the books I've recently bought at Barnes & Noble.
So for the past few days, that was mainly what I did. I stayed in my aunt's apartment, refused to go out, and only took breaks when necessary. I was absolutely absorbed into the book I was reading. It was one of the things I love so much about reading: the way the story can pull you in, the way the world around you can disintegrate and disappear, taking all your worries and fears and pain away. Reading has always provided me with a haven that I could escape to, where no one could hurt me or touch me. But the problem is, it's probably not very healthy. Sometimes, I would stay up all night and refuse to sleep just so I could read just one more chapter. Or when I force myself to put down the book and turn off the lights, I am haunted by sleepless nights. Sometimes, when I've been sitting in one spot for a long time, and I get up to get a drink of water or whatever, I have a brief moment where my knees are weak, and my vision blacken. But none of these are as bad as when I, for just the slightest and briefest moment, could not tell between the worlds of fiction and reality.
I have just finished a book, Taming the Beast by Emily Maguire, about less than an hour ago. The book was a lot to do with sex, but it was also about passion and obsession and destructiveness and pain. It was to do with sadness and pleasure and painful, painful love. It was a book that I felt I understand and didn't understand at the same time. I felt I could relate to the book, but at the same time, felt completely alienated by it. It's not a book I would go back to, not to say it wasn't a good book... It just wasn't a feel-good book, I guess. Quite the opposite, really. It was very, very sad. A book like that.. You would think it'd make me want to cry for the main character, but it didn't. It made me want to cry for the other characters in the book, but not for the main character.. although her circumstances and life story should provoke one's tears. And I find that sad.
I know, I know... all this nonsensical rambling and ranting. None of it makes sense. But it makes perfect sense to me. It's silly, isn't it, to be all worked up over a book I read? I think I'm just homesick.. and miserable.
So for the past few days, that was mainly what I did. I stayed in my aunt's apartment, refused to go out, and only took breaks when necessary. I was absolutely absorbed into the book I was reading. It was one of the things I love so much about reading: the way the story can pull you in, the way the world around you can disintegrate and disappear, taking all your worries and fears and pain away. Reading has always provided me with a haven that I could escape to, where no one could hurt me or touch me. But the problem is, it's probably not very healthy. Sometimes, I would stay up all night and refuse to sleep just so I could read just one more chapter. Or when I force myself to put down the book and turn off the lights, I am haunted by sleepless nights. Sometimes, when I've been sitting in one spot for a long time, and I get up to get a drink of water or whatever, I have a brief moment where my knees are weak, and my vision blacken. But none of these are as bad as when I, for just the slightest and briefest moment, could not tell between the worlds of fiction and reality.
I have just finished a book, Taming the Beast by Emily Maguire, about less than an hour ago. The book was a lot to do with sex, but it was also about passion and obsession and destructiveness and pain. It was to do with sadness and pleasure and painful, painful love. It was a book that I felt I understand and didn't understand at the same time. I felt I could relate to the book, but at the same time, felt completely alienated by it. It's not a book I would go back to, not to say it wasn't a good book... It just wasn't a feel-good book, I guess. Quite the opposite, really. It was very, very sad. A book like that.. You would think it'd make me want to cry for the main character, but it didn't. It made me want to cry for the other characters in the book, but not for the main character.. although her circumstances and life story should provoke one's tears. And I find that sad.
I know, I know... all this nonsensical rambling and ranting. None of it makes sense. But it makes perfect sense to me. It's silly, isn't it, to be all worked up over a book I read? I think I'm just homesick.. and miserable.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7:13 PM
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Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Pictures... Will Not Be Posted Here (Mostly)
I've decided that pictures will mostly be posted up on my Livejournal account. Blogger, as much as I like using it, just lacks in the "posting up pictures" department. So much easier to use Livejournal.
So, this is my Livejournal: Life's Little Joys. Click for pictures!
So, this is my Livejournal: Life's Little Joys. Click for pictures!
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:07 AM
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