Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Yesterday Was A Very Normal Day
warning: long post ahead!
Yesterday was one of those days.
There were several talks, talks I rather not have. It just gives me too much conflicted feelings, and perhaps too much insight on other people's relationships. Some frustrate me to bits, to the extent where I wanna tear my hair out and scream, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" Others make me sad, especially when I know I can't get myself involved, although I want to help.
Situation #1:
Two guys, previously good friends, currently not even talking to one another. They tell their side of the story to several people, in which each retelling is transformed and mutated into something so different... that no one knows what's true anymore. They force their friends to take sides, not knowing the pain and agony we go through for their sakes.
All this over a misunderstanding that could have been solved easily enough if only they could swallow their damn pride and see past their anger. I wish I could just slap the two of them, and tell them to freaking wake up already! Nothing can be worth destroying a friendship for, especially not a misunderstanding.
Situation #2:
Two girls, previously good friends, currently avoiding each other as much as they can. They tell me their side of the story, but while listening to them, I noticed something... Everything they say is the same, except that they're talking about each other! I don't know if I find this funny (funny-peculiar, not funny-haha), or if I find this sad. I've always thought they know more about each other than anyone else in our group of friends, but this just shows that it's not true. In fact, they don't seem to know about each other at all.
It makes me wish I could just let them know what they both think about the other. If they would just talk, truthfully, to one another... I'm pretty sure things will work out in the end. But they're both so unwilling to confront each other, and so determined in thinking they're right.
Situation #3:
One guy and one girl, previously good friends, currently pretending that they are still good friends. Something happened between them, something that crossed the barrier of friendship a while ago. They were quick to recover from the incident, preferring to remain friends. I was so amazed that they were so clever in handling the situation, that they could see past awkwardness, and preserve their friendship. I was wrong. Although they are close, there's still something there that's just... not right. They're not as close as they used to be, although they want to be.
I wish I could tell them to be honest, really honest like they said they would. Then perhaps they could get what they want - the closeness they once shared and now yearn for.
The thing about these three situations is the fact that I want to help, yet I can't. I know I can't get myself involved in their problems. I don't want to make things worse than they already are. And it is their problem, not mine. They have to be the one to make things right again... I can only listen when they need a listening ear, and be as good a friend as I can be. There's also the fact that I can't take the burden of my friends. It hurts too much. I'm already laden with my own worries. I can't take on other people's worries as well. I'm stressed enough as it is, and when I'm stressed out, I tend to take it out on other people... and that's not fair at all.
*****
On a lighter note:
I had a weird dream the night before. I dreamed that a friend of mine died in an accident, and I cried, half-awake and half-asleep. Somehow, I knew it was just a dream, so I just continued sleeping.
I don't quite understand the dream, although I hardly understand any of my dreams anyway... seeing as most of them are quite nonsensical. Maybe it's because death has been on my mind lately (see my previous post). Or maybe it's because I've been dealing with the theme of death in my English literature class. Or maybe it's because it's autumn, when leaves are falling off branches, leaving bare and almost dying trees. Who knows? It's probably a combination of everything, and most likely, me being melodramatic again.
I just hope it's not some kind of omen. Even if my friends make me stressed and worried, I still like them to be all among the living. I rather suffer these bouts of depression that seem to infect me every now and then, than suffer the loss of my friends.
Yesterday was one of those days.
There were several talks, talks I rather not have. It just gives me too much conflicted feelings, and perhaps too much insight on other people's relationships. Some frustrate me to bits, to the extent where I wanna tear my hair out and scream, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" Others make me sad, especially when I know I can't get myself involved, although I want to help.
Situation #1:
Two guys, previously good friends, currently not even talking to one another. They tell their side of the story to several people, in which each retelling is transformed and mutated into something so different... that no one knows what's true anymore. They force their friends to take sides, not knowing the pain and agony we go through for their sakes.
All this over a misunderstanding that could have been solved easily enough if only they could swallow their damn pride and see past their anger. I wish I could just slap the two of them, and tell them to freaking wake up already! Nothing can be worth destroying a friendship for, especially not a misunderstanding.
Situation #2:
Two girls, previously good friends, currently avoiding each other as much as they can. They tell me their side of the story, but while listening to them, I noticed something... Everything they say is the same, except that they're talking about each other! I don't know if I find this funny (funny-peculiar, not funny-haha), or if I find this sad. I've always thought they know more about each other than anyone else in our group of friends, but this just shows that it's not true. In fact, they don't seem to know about each other at all.
It makes me wish I could just let them know what they both think about the other. If they would just talk, truthfully, to one another... I'm pretty sure things will work out in the end. But they're both so unwilling to confront each other, and so determined in thinking they're right.
Situation #3:
One guy and one girl, previously good friends, currently pretending that they are still good friends. Something happened between them, something that crossed the barrier of friendship a while ago. They were quick to recover from the incident, preferring to remain friends. I was so amazed that they were so clever in handling the situation, that they could see past awkwardness, and preserve their friendship. I was wrong. Although they are close, there's still something there that's just... not right. They're not as close as they used to be, although they want to be.
I wish I could tell them to be honest, really honest like they said they would. Then perhaps they could get what they want - the closeness they once shared and now yearn for.
The thing about these three situations is the fact that I want to help, yet I can't. I know I can't get myself involved in their problems. I don't want to make things worse than they already are. And it is their problem, not mine. They have to be the one to make things right again... I can only listen when they need a listening ear, and be as good a friend as I can be. There's also the fact that I can't take the burden of my friends. It hurts too much. I'm already laden with my own worries. I can't take on other people's worries as well. I'm stressed enough as it is, and when I'm stressed out, I tend to take it out on other people... and that's not fair at all.
On a lighter note:
I had a weird dream the night before. I dreamed that a friend of mine died in an accident, and I cried, half-awake and half-asleep. Somehow, I knew it was just a dream, so I just continued sleeping.
I don't quite understand the dream, although I hardly understand any of my dreams anyway... seeing as most of them are quite nonsensical. Maybe it's because death has been on my mind lately (see my previous post). Or maybe it's because I've been dealing with the theme of death in my English literature class. Or maybe it's because it's autumn, when leaves are falling off branches, leaving bare and almost dying trees. Who knows? It's probably a combination of everything, and most likely, me being melodramatic again.
I just hope it's not some kind of omen. Even if my friends make me stressed and worried, I still like them to be all among the living. I rather suffer these bouts of depression that seem to infect me every now and then, than suffer the loss of my friends.
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:22 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 comments
fate crumbled all around 0 comments