Sunday, October 23, 2005
(story) Never Stop Waiting
This was the taxi story I was supposed to do for my writing meeting. However, during the meeting, I haven't started the story yet... due to assignments. So now that I have the story done... tadah!! Tell me what you think! Leave comments.... please!!
It was barely past six in the evening, but the sky was already dark, typical of a mid-winter evening. Su Yin stared at the sky above her. With its lack of moon and stars, it almost made the weather even colder and depressing. She sat alone in an unsheltered bus stop on Waterloo Quadrant, checking her watch. Another half hour till the next bus. The wind howled from behind Su Yin. She buttoned her coat clumsily, her gloveless fingers numb from the cold. Suddenly, without any warning, the sky began to pour heavily. Damn! Su Yin jumped off the wooden bench and ran into the building behind the bus stop. She stood, shivering, at the building's entrance, wishing furiously that she had an umbrella with her. 'No use crying over spilt milk now,' thought Su Yin. That was what her father would say. With a resigned sigh, she turned her gaze towards the road. A taxi was inching slowly along the street towards the bus stop. In the dark night, the white taxi stood out in the rain like a ghostly silhouette. 'Maybe I should take the taxi,' Su Yin thought, trying to weigh her options. 'The rain doesn't look as if it's going to stop soon, and taking a taxi is much more convenient than transferring buses.' With a deep breathe, and a tight hold on the collar of her coat, Su Yin ran towards the taxi. When she got in the taxi and slammed the door beside her, she was soaking wet, and her shoes were drowned in mud.
"Rimu Street, New Lynn, please," said Su Yin, shaking the water drops from her hair.
There was no response from the taxi driver. Su Yin leaned forward from the backseat, only to see a burly man with messy, blonde hair slumped against the steering wheel.
"Um, are you all right?"
Still, there was no response. Cautiously, Su Yin tapped the man's left shoulder lightly. The man flinched, and turned around. His blue eyes were wide and bewildered. Su Yin fell back onto the leather seat, surprised by the look in his eyes. For a second, they stared at each other, afraid to move lest that something bad should happen. The intense atmosphere was broken when the man blinked.
"Uh, I didn't catch what you were saying," the man said a hoarse voice. "I was thinking about... something."
"R-rimu Street, New Lynn... p-please," Su Yin stammered, trying to recover from the shock.
"Okay." The man smoothed back his hair, and turned to look back at the windscreen.
The taxi strolled down the street, making a turn into Symonds Street. Unlike most taxi drivers who make small talk with their passengers, Su Yin's taxi driver was quiet, as if he was still deep in thoughts. Su Yin put on the seatbelt, and turned to stare outside the window. Rain drops beat mercilessly onto the window, blurring the image of the world outside. With the palm of her hand, Su Yin wiped the window, trying to see the road. Funnily enough, Su Yin noticed, the driver decided not to take the motorway. In this rain, perhaps the motorway isn't such a good idea. She did not mind. She was not in a rush, and she rather enjoyed the peace inside the taxi, while a storm brewed outside. When the taxi stopped at a traffic light at the corner of Symonds Street and Karangahape Road, Su Yin leaned towards the window. There it was - Symonds Street Cemetery. She pressed her palms onto the window, and peered through the glass. Somewhere, underneath the headstones, deep in the ground, was her father. Dad, do you feel the rain? Do you feel the cold? Feeling disheartened, Su Yin turned her gaze away. She watched the traffic light through the windscreen, the neon red light glaring back at her.
"My Katie... she would have been twenty-one today."
Surprised by the sudden interruption of silence, Su Yin glanced at the taxi driver. His head was turned to the right, towards the direction of the cemetery. Su Yin looked at the rear mirror, but from where she sat, she could not see his face.
Not knowing what else to say, Su Yin ventured, "Is Katie... your daughter?"
"Yes, she is... she was."
The taxi began to move. The light had turned green. Su Yin could see the taxi driver's blonde hair moving as he turned to face the windscreen.
"She was only eighteen," continued the taxi driver, while Su Yin listened quietly to his sad voice. "She had just started university. She was so excited, and I was so proud of her!"
"I'm sure you were," said Su Yin softly.
"She stayed late one night, and she called me to get her. "Waterloo Quadrant", she said. I waited there for her. There was a car - the moron didn't have his headlights on - and she was crossing the road."
His voice was shaky, and Su Yin could feel the pain he felt. No one liked reliving a time of pain.
"She didn't see it coming. Neither did I. The driver sped off, leaving my Katie bleeding on the ground. The ambulance came, but my Katie... she was..."
The man choked back on a few sobs. In all her life, Su Yin had never seen a grown man cry. She felt embarrassed, as if she had taken a peek into someone's most intimate thoughts. The rest of the journey was passed in silence. The rain had stopped, and the silence in the taxi was even more deafening than before. Su Yin looked outside the window. The bright lights seemed to be mocking them and their sorrow. The taxi made a turn into New North Road. They were leaving the city behind them. Slowly, the harsh beams started to dim down. They were greeted by the warm, comforting tones of suburban lights. Su Yin began to relax. She had been so tired. Now, it was as if the burden of sorrow had been lifted off her shoulders. The taxi drove smoothly past the suburban areas, until it finally entered New Lynn. The taxi driver, once more, broke the silence.
"Rimu Street, isn't it?" he asked.
"Yes, it's 40, Rimu Street."
As the taxi slowed to a stop in front of her house, Su Yin fumbled in her bag for her purse. The taxi driver turned to look at her.
"I still wait for her," said the taxi driver, his voice calmer than before. "I wait for her everyday."
She looked at him, a sad smile across his face.
"Katie's a lucky girl."
Su Yin paid the taxi driver the fare and got down from the taxi. She gave him a small wave as the white taxi drove away. She looked up at the clear sky, seeing the stars her father loved so much. I'm still waiting for you, Dad.
No one can ever forget a loved one, even if they are gone. They wait for them, and they never stop waiting.
It was barely past six in the evening, but the sky was already dark, typical of a mid-winter evening. Su Yin stared at the sky above her. With its lack of moon and stars, it almost made the weather even colder and depressing. She sat alone in an unsheltered bus stop on Waterloo Quadrant, checking her watch. Another half hour till the next bus. The wind howled from behind Su Yin. She buttoned her coat clumsily, her gloveless fingers numb from the cold. Suddenly, without any warning, the sky began to pour heavily. Damn! Su Yin jumped off the wooden bench and ran into the building behind the bus stop. She stood, shivering, at the building's entrance, wishing furiously that she had an umbrella with her. 'No use crying over spilt milk now,' thought Su Yin. That was what her father would say. With a resigned sigh, she turned her gaze towards the road. A taxi was inching slowly along the street towards the bus stop. In the dark night, the white taxi stood out in the rain like a ghostly silhouette. 'Maybe I should take the taxi,' Su Yin thought, trying to weigh her options. 'The rain doesn't look as if it's going to stop soon, and taking a taxi is much more convenient than transferring buses.' With a deep breathe, and a tight hold on the collar of her coat, Su Yin ran towards the taxi. When she got in the taxi and slammed the door beside her, she was soaking wet, and her shoes were drowned in mud.
"Rimu Street, New Lynn, please," said Su Yin, shaking the water drops from her hair.
There was no response from the taxi driver. Su Yin leaned forward from the backseat, only to see a burly man with messy, blonde hair slumped against the steering wheel.
"Um, are you all right?"
Still, there was no response. Cautiously, Su Yin tapped the man's left shoulder lightly. The man flinched, and turned around. His blue eyes were wide and bewildered. Su Yin fell back onto the leather seat, surprised by the look in his eyes. For a second, they stared at each other, afraid to move lest that something bad should happen. The intense atmosphere was broken when the man blinked.
"Uh, I didn't catch what you were saying," the man said a hoarse voice. "I was thinking about... something."
"R-rimu Street, New Lynn... p-please," Su Yin stammered, trying to recover from the shock.
"Okay." The man smoothed back his hair, and turned to look back at the windscreen.
The taxi strolled down the street, making a turn into Symonds Street. Unlike most taxi drivers who make small talk with their passengers, Su Yin's taxi driver was quiet, as if he was still deep in thoughts. Su Yin put on the seatbelt, and turned to stare outside the window. Rain drops beat mercilessly onto the window, blurring the image of the world outside. With the palm of her hand, Su Yin wiped the window, trying to see the road. Funnily enough, Su Yin noticed, the driver decided not to take the motorway. In this rain, perhaps the motorway isn't such a good idea. She did not mind. She was not in a rush, and she rather enjoyed the peace inside the taxi, while a storm brewed outside. When the taxi stopped at a traffic light at the corner of Symonds Street and Karangahape Road, Su Yin leaned towards the window. There it was - Symonds Street Cemetery. She pressed her palms onto the window, and peered through the glass. Somewhere, underneath the headstones, deep in the ground, was her father. Dad, do you feel the rain? Do you feel the cold? Feeling disheartened, Su Yin turned her gaze away. She watched the traffic light through the windscreen, the neon red light glaring back at her.
"My Katie... she would have been twenty-one today."
Surprised by the sudden interruption of silence, Su Yin glanced at the taxi driver. His head was turned to the right, towards the direction of the cemetery. Su Yin looked at the rear mirror, but from where she sat, she could not see his face.
Not knowing what else to say, Su Yin ventured, "Is Katie... your daughter?"
"Yes, she is... she was."
The taxi began to move. The light had turned green. Su Yin could see the taxi driver's blonde hair moving as he turned to face the windscreen.
"She was only eighteen," continued the taxi driver, while Su Yin listened quietly to his sad voice. "She had just started university. She was so excited, and I was so proud of her!"
"I'm sure you were," said Su Yin softly.
"She stayed late one night, and she called me to get her. "Waterloo Quadrant", she said. I waited there for her. There was a car - the moron didn't have his headlights on - and she was crossing the road."
His voice was shaky, and Su Yin could feel the pain he felt. No one liked reliving a time of pain.
"She didn't see it coming. Neither did I. The driver sped off, leaving my Katie bleeding on the ground. The ambulance came, but my Katie... she was..."
The man choked back on a few sobs. In all her life, Su Yin had never seen a grown man cry. She felt embarrassed, as if she had taken a peek into someone's most intimate thoughts. The rest of the journey was passed in silence. The rain had stopped, and the silence in the taxi was even more deafening than before. Su Yin looked outside the window. The bright lights seemed to be mocking them and their sorrow. The taxi made a turn into New North Road. They were leaving the city behind them. Slowly, the harsh beams started to dim down. They were greeted by the warm, comforting tones of suburban lights. Su Yin began to relax. She had been so tired. Now, it was as if the burden of sorrow had been lifted off her shoulders. The taxi drove smoothly past the suburban areas, until it finally entered New Lynn. The taxi driver, once more, broke the silence.
"Rimu Street, isn't it?" he asked.
"Yes, it's 40, Rimu Street."
As the taxi slowed to a stop in front of her house, Su Yin fumbled in her bag for her purse. The taxi driver turned to look at her.
"I still wait for her," said the taxi driver, his voice calmer than before. "I wait for her everyday."
She looked at him, a sad smile across his face.
"Katie's a lucky girl."
Su Yin paid the taxi driver the fare and got down from the taxi. She gave him a small wave as the white taxi drove away. She looked up at the clear sky, seeing the stars her father loved so much. I'm still waiting for you, Dad.
No one can ever forget a loved one, even if they are gone. They wait for them, and they never stop waiting.
i know that i have loved you ... at 6:22 PM
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Stuck at Fifteen
I feel like all my friends have grown and changed around me, but I'm still here. Stuck in a time zone. When I left M'sia, I was fifteen. I still feel like fifteen, even if my eighteenth birthday's looming. 3 years. Nearly 3 years, and what have I got to show for it?
Everyone's changing. They fall in love, they fall out of love. They make new friends. They mature. They bloom, like the way flowers bloom. But me... I'm still a bud, wanting to be one of the flower blossoms, but stuck.
Yes, birthdays have passed. But do they really mean I've changed? I know I've changed physically... everyone does. But what about mentally? Have I changed inside? I don't even know the answer myself, although it seems a lot like 'No'.
I'm still the same kid, pretending not to care what other people think, pretending that I'm mature. I'm not.
It seems like everyone's passed me... doing their own thing... while I stay frozen at fifteen.
I thought going to uni a year early was a sign that I was mature. I thought wrong.
All I want to do is break down and cry.
And go back to that time when I just turned fifteen.
Before I left.
And came here.
But instead, I'm stuck.
Not moving forward.
Cursed to be forever fifteen.
While my body ages.
I don't know why I feel like this. Maybe I'm just being overly sentimental. Does it have to do with my birthday coming up? I don't think so. After all, how many teenagers lament the moment they turn eighteen?
I feel so... cursed. Despite the changes in my physical appearance, I'm still a kid inside. I'm not mature. I'm not different. I'm still the same old me, but... everyone's different. Not changing, not moving forward. Stuck at fifteen.
Everyone's changing. They fall in love, they fall out of love. They make new friends. They mature. They bloom, like the way flowers bloom. But me... I'm still a bud, wanting to be one of the flower blossoms, but stuck.
Yes, birthdays have passed. But do they really mean I've changed? I know I've changed physically... everyone does. But what about mentally? Have I changed inside? I don't even know the answer myself, although it seems a lot like 'No'.
I'm still the same kid, pretending not to care what other people think, pretending that I'm mature. I'm not.
It seems like everyone's passed me... doing their own thing... while I stay frozen at fifteen.
I thought going to uni a year early was a sign that I was mature. I thought wrong.
All I want to do is break down and cry.
And go back to that time when I just turned fifteen.
Before I left.
And came here.
But instead, I'm stuck.
Not moving forward.
Cursed to be forever fifteen.
While my body ages.
I don't know why I feel like this. Maybe I'm just being overly sentimental. Does it have to do with my birthday coming up? I don't think so. After all, how many teenagers lament the moment they turn eighteen?
I feel so... cursed. Despite the changes in my physical appearance, I'm still a kid inside. I'm not mature. I'm not different. I'm still the same old me, but... everyone's different. Not changing, not moving forward. Stuck at fifteen.
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:15 AM
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Friday, October 14, 2005
Ugly Haircut
Last Wednesday, I decided to get a haircut. I wanted to have my hair short - I'm so sick of having long hair that hardly ever grows. So I told the hairdresser I want it chin-length. And straight cut. What a wrong decision.
The 'before' and 'after' photos:
Now I look like a total kid. *Sob* Guess I should have either cut it shorter or have it layered. You know how my sister responded? "It's horrible." Nice one, sis. Thanks for being so frank. Hasn't she ever heard of subtlety? Urgh! At first, I thought that it's just a bad haircut, I can survive it. I'm sure everyone has at least one bad haircut. But that day, every time my sis sees me, she laughs and goes "Yerrrr." What lah.
Hmph. You know what, sis? At least I can survive a bad haircut. I'm not going around trying to hide my hair and refusing to go out. If it was her, she would have totally freaked. Appearances are not that important!
I guess I'm just mad because of the way my sister acted. She told me I looked like someone who's not exactly a nerd, but not someone who socialises either. What? She's judging a person's character simply by their hairstyle! How absurd! I'm just disappointed that my sister is one of those people who judge others by their appearances, and the type of people I dislike. Not the first time I realise that my sister, if she hadn't been my sister, would be the type of person I despise.
The 'before' and 'after' photos:
Now I look like a total kid. *Sob* Guess I should have either cut it shorter or have it layered. You know how my sister responded? "It's horrible." Nice one, sis. Thanks for being so frank. Hasn't she ever heard of subtlety? Urgh! At first, I thought that it's just a bad haircut, I can survive it. I'm sure everyone has at least one bad haircut. But that day, every time my sis sees me, she laughs and goes "Yerrrr." What lah.
Hmph. You know what, sis? At least I can survive a bad haircut. I'm not going around trying to hide my hair and refusing to go out. If it was her, she would have totally freaked. Appearances are not that important!
I guess I'm just mad because of the way my sister acted. She told me I looked like someone who's not exactly a nerd, but not someone who socialises either. What? She's judging a person's character simply by their hairstyle! How absurd! I'm just disappointed that my sister is one of those people who judge others by their appearances, and the type of people I dislike. Not the first time I realise that my sister, if she hadn't been my sister, would be the type of person I despise.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7:01 PM
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Yuck Cha
Firstly, I plagiarised the title. I've read it somewhere before - but on a totally different topic as mine. However, when I think about the lunch I had today, those words came to mind.
My sis and I decided to join my mom and her friend for lunch today. We decided to go Yum Cha, or as those in M'sia know it, eat Dim Sum. We had the usual culprits - Yam Kuih (Wu Tau Kou), Malay Kuih, Siew Mai... etc. One of the dim sums we had was the sesame ball thingy. You know what I'm talking about? Small, floury ball covered in sesame seeds with red bean filling. Get me now?
Anyhoo... They came in a plate of three, and as usual, we asked the waitress to cut the sesame balls. When I decided to take one, I found to my utter horror and disgust that there was a strand of hair dangling from the sesame ball!!! The other half of it also had a strand of hair stuck - no, integrated - in it. We told the waitress, who quickly apologised and gave us a free plate of dim sum. Still, I felt like I had to sterilise my chopsticks. Yuck. How can this happen in NZ, a place known for its cleanliness? Typical that it happens in a Chinese place.
For some reason, I'm tempted to say in a posh British accent: "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" But I don't think it'll have the same effect in the situation. Can you imagine someone saying with a posh tone, "Waiter, there's a hair in my sesame ball!" I think this will be more appropriate: "Eee, zoh meh yau tau fat hai dou geh?" (Cantonese: "Eek, why is there hair in here?") In fact, there was my exact response. The very few opportunities I get to practice my rusty Cantonese... and I use it to express disgust. Oi.
My sis and I decided to join my mom and her friend for lunch today. We decided to go Yum Cha, or as those in M'sia know it, eat Dim Sum. We had the usual culprits - Yam Kuih (Wu Tau Kou), Malay Kuih, Siew Mai... etc. One of the dim sums we had was the sesame ball thingy. You know what I'm talking about? Small, floury ball covered in sesame seeds with red bean filling. Get me now?
Anyhoo... They came in a plate of three, and as usual, we asked the waitress to cut the sesame balls. When I decided to take one, I found to my utter horror and disgust that there was a strand of hair dangling from the sesame ball!!! The other half of it also had a strand of hair stuck - no, integrated - in it. We told the waitress, who quickly apologised and gave us a free plate of dim sum. Still, I felt like I had to sterilise my chopsticks. Yuck. How can this happen in NZ, a place known for its cleanliness? Typical that it happens in a Chinese place.
For some reason, I'm tempted to say in a posh British accent: "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" But I don't think it'll have the same effect in the situation. Can you imagine someone saying with a posh tone, "Waiter, there's a hair in my sesame ball!" I think this will be more appropriate: "Eee, zoh meh yau tau fat hai dou geh?" (Cantonese: "Eek, why is there hair in here?") In fact, there was my exact response. The very few opportunities I get to practice my rusty Cantonese... and I use it to express disgust. Oi.
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:25 PM
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New and (Improved?) Friendster
Anyone who has a Friendster account would know about the reconstruction of Friendster's website. (Unless you're saying when you sign on to Friendster, there's a "do not send me newsletter" box that I overlooked.) I got Friendster's newsletter announcing "Hey Suet Li, Check out the ALL NEW Friendster!" in the subject. How is it that websites figure that by inserting our name via some automatic computer program thingy, it makes the automated email personal? At the end of the newsletter, they even put in "Cheers, your friends at Friendster". Riight.
The newsletter states: Customizable Profiles! Apparently, you can have songs or videos playing when people visit your profile page. How is that great? I mean, it's just making me download some major megabytes (?) without asking for my permission. Internet costs, people! Internet costs!! Sometimes I put the computer volume on mute, and I don't realise that a video is playing... especially when I'm multi-surfing websites. It's just costly, and frankly... damn annoying. Next, we've got A Smart New Start Page! as well. I must admit, I do like the Friend Tracker, so I can see if any of my pals updated their photos or something like it. But now, they even tell you who's viewed you and how many times you've been viewed! It's sort of cool and freaky at the same time. Firstly, I've always enjoyed the anonymity of Friendster. You're able to view other people's profiles without them knowing. So now, I'm no longer able to stalk - ahem, I mean visit - other people's profiles. I mean, I just like browsing my friends' Friends list... just to see if any of my old friends are there. But sometimes, I would stumble onto someone's profile - someone whom I dislike or had a bad history with. I seriously do not want those people to know I'm on Friendster. On the flip side, though, being able to see who's viewed my profile or the amount of times it's been viewed gives me a sort of satisfaction... Pathetic? Yup. And sometimes, the people who viewed me turns out to be an old friend, so that's nice. Especially when I didn't know that person's on Friendster, and am now able to be reconnected with that person.
So, what's my verdict on the spanking new Friendster site? Hmm... There's some good points, as well as bad... The improvements weren't exactly necessary, but are not too bad. However, it's a sad day for all the stalkers out there... Let us have a moment of silence.
The newsletter states: Customizable Profiles! Apparently, you can have songs or videos playing when people visit your profile page. How is that great? I mean, it's just making me download some major megabytes (?) without asking for my permission. Internet costs, people! Internet costs!! Sometimes I put the computer volume on mute, and I don't realise that a video is playing... especially when I'm multi-surfing websites. It's just costly, and frankly... damn annoying. Next, we've got A Smart New Start Page! as well. I must admit, I do like the Friend Tracker, so I can see if any of my pals updated their photos or something like it. But now, they even tell you who's viewed you and how many times you've been viewed! It's sort of cool and freaky at the same time. Firstly, I've always enjoyed the anonymity of Friendster. You're able to view other people's profiles without them knowing. So now, I'm no longer able to stalk - ahem, I mean visit - other people's profiles. I mean, I just like browsing my friends' Friends list... just to see if any of my old friends are there. But sometimes, I would stumble onto someone's profile - someone whom I dislike or had a bad history with. I seriously do not want those people to know I'm on Friendster. On the flip side, though, being able to see who's viewed my profile or the amount of times it's been viewed gives me a sort of satisfaction... Pathetic? Yup. And sometimes, the people who viewed me turns out to be an old friend, so that's nice. Especially when I didn't know that person's on Friendster, and am now able to be reconnected with that person.
So, what's my verdict on the spanking new Friendster site? Hmm... There's some good points, as well as bad... The improvements weren't exactly necessary, but are not too bad. However, it's a sad day for all the stalkers out there... Let us have a moment of silence.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7:10 PM
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