Saturday, August 20, 2005
Cultural Food Night 31st July 2005
Decided to post some photos of the food night I attended last month. Hmm. Look at all the yummy food!
Wahh.. Curry chicken!
Mark, the only white guy on the UMSA committee
Look at the amount of food!!
Banana leaves... authentic, huh? See the girl with the black shirt with a handbag? That's me. :)
Ha. Me again. I'm blabbering to this guy, and they took a photo! Argh! If I had known, I'd turn around to pose for the camera.
Nasi lemak! Delicious! All that ikan bilis! I want more!
i know that i have loved you ... at 7:01 PM
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
stupid and silly stuff today
Voting for student officials ended today at uni. All of a sudden, all sorts of hopeful candidates start popping up in your lectures, giving speeches that are well-memorised. It tends to be a little annoying when you hear the same speech more than once in a day. Anyway, went and voted with my sis. On the way out, one of the candidates was giving out flyers and asking people if they've voted. I told her yes. Know what she said as I passed her by? "Oh, you're just saying that so you don't have to listen to me." What an idiot. So, what am I supposed to say? "No, I haven't voted, so you're permitted to blabber on to me unneccessarily." It's not like it'd make a difference. I've already voted, so I can't change my decision. I really disliked the girl's attitude. If she can't trust voters, how is she expecting us, as voters, to trust her to be the best candidate? Idiot. Glad that I didn't vote for her. Hopes she loses miserably.
I fell asleep on the bus and went past my stop. Again. The last time happened last year. I can't believe I did it again. How absolutely silly. Anyway, I decided to walk out to the main road and I figured I could just walk home. It wasn't really that far anyway. But as I walked, I realized that some of the road signs were not in sight, and I had no idea how far I really am from home. I walked for 15 minutes, and decided to stop when I saw a bus stop. I thought I might as well take a bus back instead of walking. I waited for another 10 minutes before a bus arrived. I got up the bus, paid my fare, and sat for... 2 minutes. Turns out it wasn't really that far, after all. Seems so embarassing. I had to get down and walk for another 10 minutes to reach home. Eh. Luckily, I have an unlimited travel bus pass. Otherwise, I would seriously hit myself on the head for taking the bus for 2 minutes. Ha!
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:28 PM
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
cont'd...
apparently, the reason why my mom was mad was b'cos when she thought my dad didn't talk to her anymore. she thought that he talked more to me than he talked to her. but the thing is, the only reason that is is b'cos we(my dad and i) have common interests. we both enjoy reading, unlike my sister or my mom. that's why my dad talks to me so much. in fact, b'cos my sis has the least in common with my dad, my dad talks to her the least, even lesser than my mom.
i just couldn't believe it. i felt so guilty. i thought it was my fault. but upon reflection, i knew it had nothing to do with me. it wasn't my fault.
anyway, for the next few days, my mom continued being mad. my mom came home late, and my dad returned from work alone(they usually come home together). they left for work separately. our family life was disrupted. for two nights, we had dinner without my mom. i began to worry that for the first time in my life, my parents might get separated.
on the day i asked my dad what happened between him and mom, he told me to talk to my mom. "i can't talk to her," he said. he told me the details of his fight with my mom, and asked me to explain to her certain things - private things i can't say here. anyway, in other words, he wanted me to confront mom on his behalf. i agreed. i didn't know what else to say. it was later, when i was thinking to myself, that i realized my mistake. i shouldn't have agreed. this was my dad's problem to deal with, not me. he was being a coward. i was so mad at him. how could he do this to me? how could he drag me into this? it was something he had to do, not me. did he think he could escape the much needed confrontation with my mom? it was so unfair. he was my dad, my parent. how could he expect me to help him mend his relationship with mom? yet, i said nothing to him. like i said, we were not a family who liked confrontation.
i tried to talk to my mom the next day, but she was so moody, so uptight that i chickened out of my task. instead, i chattered around her. all i wanted was to make her feel better. i had a feeling if i had done what my dad had asked, she would be angry. after all, wouldn't it just confirm that what she thought of my dad was true? that he'd rather talk to me than her? that he doesn't tell her anything anymore? i really didn't want to get in the middle of things. so i made up my mind to confront my dad that night. that he was the one who needed to talk to my mom, not me. i suggested what he should do. talk. don't try to explain that she was in the wrong. from what i hear from him, what my mom really wanted was for my dad to talk to her and listen to her. that's all.
i wasn't sure if i had the nerve to tell my dad this. but i gathered all the courage i had within me and told him when he returned home from work. he listened. but i wasn't sure what was going on in his mind. "i'll try. but i don't think it'll matter to her," he said. i wanted to tell him to at least try. to at least try for his two children. but i didn't. it was up to him now.
it worked. i met my mom for lunch the next day, and she was all smiles. i didn't ask her, but i had a feeling. turned out my dad had talked to her(i asked him). for the next few days, everything returned back to normal, and my parents were smiling and talking again. yesterday, my mom left for her scheduled flight to Malaysia. i was glad that the tension between my parents had been resolved before she left.
now, we all act as if the fight had never happened. but the problem is, i can't ignore the fact that it did happen. i can't forget the fact that my dad had asked me to confront my mom on his behalf. i can't forget the fact that my parents might still not be talking if i hadn't decided to confront my dad. and i definitely will not ever forget the fear i felt for my family during that short but horrible period.
i just couldn't believe it. i felt so guilty. i thought it was my fault. but upon reflection, i knew it had nothing to do with me. it wasn't my fault.
anyway, for the next few days, my mom continued being mad. my mom came home late, and my dad returned from work alone(they usually come home together). they left for work separately. our family life was disrupted. for two nights, we had dinner without my mom. i began to worry that for the first time in my life, my parents might get separated.
on the day i asked my dad what happened between him and mom, he told me to talk to my mom. "i can't talk to her," he said. he told me the details of his fight with my mom, and asked me to explain to her certain things - private things i can't say here. anyway, in other words, he wanted me to confront mom on his behalf. i agreed. i didn't know what else to say. it was later, when i was thinking to myself, that i realized my mistake. i shouldn't have agreed. this was my dad's problem to deal with, not me. he was being a coward. i was so mad at him. how could he do this to me? how could he drag me into this? it was something he had to do, not me. did he think he could escape the much needed confrontation with my mom? it was so unfair. he was my dad, my parent. how could he expect me to help him mend his relationship with mom? yet, i said nothing to him. like i said, we were not a family who liked confrontation.
i tried to talk to my mom the next day, but she was so moody, so uptight that i chickened out of my task. instead, i chattered around her. all i wanted was to make her feel better. i had a feeling if i had done what my dad had asked, she would be angry. after all, wouldn't it just confirm that what she thought of my dad was true? that he'd rather talk to me than her? that he doesn't tell her anything anymore? i really didn't want to get in the middle of things. so i made up my mind to confront my dad that night. that he was the one who needed to talk to my mom, not me. i suggested what he should do. talk. don't try to explain that she was in the wrong. from what i hear from him, what my mom really wanted was for my dad to talk to her and listen to her. that's all.
i wasn't sure if i had the nerve to tell my dad this. but i gathered all the courage i had within me and told him when he returned home from work. he listened. but i wasn't sure what was going on in his mind. "i'll try. but i don't think it'll matter to her," he said. i wanted to tell him to at least try. to at least try for his two children. but i didn't. it was up to him now.
it worked. i met my mom for lunch the next day, and she was all smiles. i didn't ask her, but i had a feeling. turned out my dad had talked to her(i asked him). for the next few days, everything returned back to normal, and my parents were smiling and talking again. yesterday, my mom left for her scheduled flight to Malaysia. i was glad that the tension between my parents had been resolved before she left.
now, we all act as if the fight had never happened. but the problem is, i can't ignore the fact that it did happen. i can't forget the fact that my dad had asked me to confront my mom on his behalf. i can't forget the fact that my parents might still not be talking if i hadn't decided to confront my dad. and i definitely will not ever forget the fear i felt for my family during that short but horrible period.
i know that i have loved you ... at 5:15 PM
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Thursday, August 11, 2005
must get this out
okay, this isn't a story. i know i'm supposed to post some of my written stuff, but i always forget to transfer the files from my laptop to the home pc. and the thing is, i prefer to use the home pc when i go online... so, that's the explanation for the lack of entries.
so many things happened to me this week. maybe not me, per se, but i feel affected nonetheless.
firstly, i found out my aunt has breast cancer. i don't know much details, only through what my dad said. all i know is that she would have to go for surgery. my aunt isn't technically my aunt. she's my father's cousin, but i have always considered her as close as an aunt. she has a very close relationship with my dad, and because of that, i think he's very worried. the problem is, when my dad's worried, he doesn't really like to show it. i think that's evident in our whole family. we're very much a family who never has confrontations. anyway, he didn't say much, and my sister and i got the feeling that he needed some time to himself, so we kept quiet.
i started feeling guilty, because i haven't been in contact with my aunt for half a year. if i had kept in contact with her, i would have known. and i was also kinda mad at my dad, for keeping everything to himself. she was my aunt, and i care for her too! does he think he's the only one's who's worried? well, what happened next didn't help the way i feel.
i was still quietly fuming when i heard the door slammed with a loud bang. my sister and i glanced at each other, but we didn't think much of it. the closet door was kinda funky, and sometimes, took a bit of a slam to close. but then, my dad came out into the living room and said, "i'm sleeping here tonight! she says i don't talk to her..." he mumbled a bit, and began to sob loudly. that was the first time i have ever seen my dad cry. my parents hardly fought, and never once, have i seen my dad sleeping in the living room. it simply doesn't happen in our household. i thought that such a thing only happened in Western tv shows. i was shocked, and i felt really upset. i just found out about my aunt, and now this... i felt so guilty for being mad at him before. i was so certain it was my fault he had a fight with my mom.
the next morning, he stayed at home. i didn't see him till evening, after my classes were over. i wasn't sure if i should say anything, but i took a risk, and asked him what happened. turns out i had a bit to do with their fight.
(will write more tomorrow. have to sleep.)
so many things happened to me this week. maybe not me, per se, but i feel affected nonetheless.
firstly, i found out my aunt has breast cancer. i don't know much details, only through what my dad said. all i know is that she would have to go for surgery. my aunt isn't technically my aunt. she's my father's cousin, but i have always considered her as close as an aunt. she has a very close relationship with my dad, and because of that, i think he's very worried. the problem is, when my dad's worried, he doesn't really like to show it. i think that's evident in our whole family. we're very much a family who never has confrontations. anyway, he didn't say much, and my sister and i got the feeling that he needed some time to himself, so we kept quiet.
i started feeling guilty, because i haven't been in contact with my aunt for half a year. if i had kept in contact with her, i would have known. and i was also kinda mad at my dad, for keeping everything to himself. she was my aunt, and i care for her too! does he think he's the only one's who's worried? well, what happened next didn't help the way i feel.
i was still quietly fuming when i heard the door slammed with a loud bang. my sister and i glanced at each other, but we didn't think much of it. the closet door was kinda funky, and sometimes, took a bit of a slam to close. but then, my dad came out into the living room and said, "i'm sleeping here tonight! she says i don't talk to her..." he mumbled a bit, and began to sob loudly. that was the first time i have ever seen my dad cry. my parents hardly fought, and never once, have i seen my dad sleeping in the living room. it simply doesn't happen in our household. i thought that such a thing only happened in Western tv shows. i was shocked, and i felt really upset. i just found out about my aunt, and now this... i felt so guilty for being mad at him before. i was so certain it was my fault he had a fight with my mom.
the next morning, he stayed at home. i didn't see him till evening, after my classes were over. i wasn't sure if i should say anything, but i took a risk, and asked him what happened. turns out i had a bit to do with their fight.
(will write more tomorrow. have to sleep.)
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:56 PM
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