I wasn't tagged, but decided to do this meme thingy I saw on Chia Ling's blog anyway... I have thick skin and you all know it!

Three names you go by
> Suet Li ('sweatly' - no, my parents didn't give me this name 'cos I sweat a lot.. or maybe they did?)
> Irene (pronounced as 'eye-reen', not 'ee-reen', 'eye-ree-nee', 'ee-ree-nee', etc.)
> Reene (pronounced as 'ree-nee', and given very randomly by Colin because he was "lazy" woh.. 2 syllables not much shorter than 3 la, uncle!)

Three screen names you've had
> angelic*devil (yes, i was lame like that once)
> leaves.snow.jasmine (the meanings of my Chinese name)
> yexueli (the pinyin for my Chinese name)

Three parts of your heritage
> Hakka-Chinese (dad's side)
> Teochiew-Chinese (mum's side)
> Malaysian Chinese (what I tell people in NZ)

Three things you can't stand
> Smokers (people who know me well, know that I feel about this strongly. You want to kill yourself, go ahead. Just don't kill other innocent people.. people like me, who have asthma.)
> Being accused for saying or doing something I didn't (I hate it when people say I lie when I didn't!)
> People who think they're "all-that", even if they aren't (even good looks will fade, ok? Good personalities, on the other hand, don't)

Three things that scare you
> Losing the people I care about.
> Getting a severe asthma attack with no inhaler, no one in sight, no phone, no clinics for miles.
> Drunk people. Very drunk people. Especially the ones you see on Queen Street on late Friday and Saturday nights.

Three drinks
> Strawberry pearl milk tea from Momo's... or at least, for a substitute, Assam's strawberry milk tea.. I'm addicted, hehe.
> Mai tai cocktail from Mai Tai Restaurant on Victoria Street. Gosh, haven't had one in ages!
> Baileys Glide... mmm! Or coffee with Baileys.. that's good too. :D

Three of your everyday essentials (besides common human needs)
> Internet connection - yes, I'm addicted to Internet.
> My comb - I just can't stand having bad hair, or worse still, untidy hair!
> Lip balm - especially Blistex during winter season... I need my lips to be moisturised, otherwise they'll hurt like hell... and for other reasons too. Hehe.

Three things you are wearing right now
Who says I'm wearing anything, even? Haha.. kidding only!
> Padini Authentic long-sleeve knit sweater
> Adidas yoga pants... not that I do yoga, but these are unbelievably comfy.
> My maroon-coloured-framed glasses. I wished I had frameless ones, or those wiry black rim ones instead.

Three of your favourite movies
Ooh, this is tough! I love way too many movies..
> Bicentennial Man... I cry every time I watch it, and I have watched it countless times.
> Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade... Harrison Ford, Sean Connery... need I explain more?!
> You've Got Mail. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are just the perfect romantic comedy sweethearts!

Two truths and a lie
> My favourite type of chocolate is deliciously dark chocolate, like Whittaker's Dark Chocolate.
> I aspire to be a published short fiction writer.
> I don't mind being backstabbed by people at all. Everyone does it anyway.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you
> Height. I like guys tall, simply because I like people who are tall. What to do? I'm short mah. As long as taller than me, then can already. Hehe.
> Eyes that 'speak' to you... they are the windows to your soul, after all. I remember liking some random guy whose face I couldn't see (at night la)... simply because he was looking right at me.
> Slightly muscular... I didn't use to like this, 'cos I'm scared of muscular people who seem like they can crush me with one fist. But things change. Some people make me feel safe.

Three things you want in a relationship
> Trust (you can't possibly have a healthy relationship without trust)
> Respect (there's no point being with someone you can't respect, or someone who can't respect you)
> Communication (it doesn't have to be verbal, ie. spoken aloud. It's about understanding each other)

Three of your favourite hobbies
> Reading (I just bought a book, Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian. Haven't read for fun in sooooo long! I miss reading!)
> Writing - either fiction, random scribbles, blogging... Writing is a creative outlet for me, both for expressing myself and for exploring my potential in writing.
> Watching movies... I love watching movies! Nothing much I want to see in particular these days, though. But looking forward to the International Film Fest!!

Three careers you are considering, or have considered
> Ballerina (this was back when I was abnormally idealistic, and was actually skinny enough to be one)
> Writer - I really wish that some day I'll be a published writer. Used to want to be a novelist, but I prefer short stories now. This seems so improbable, though.
> Linguist... I'd love to travel around the world, and research unstudied languages. If not, then research Malaysian English - or what's more affectionately known as Manglish - which I think receives less credit than it is due. Alternative is to go into speech therapy.

Three places you want to go on a vacation
> Venice, so I can relax in a gondola down the calm, flowing rivers.
> Athens... When I studied Classical Studies in high school, I was intrigued by the city I had to study about - Athens. Would love to see the art and architecture there.
> Italy, so I can have good Italian food everyday! Haha!

Three things you want to do before you die
> Have the courage to say "I love you"
> Master Beethoven's 'Moonlight Sonata'
> See Lee Hom live in concert

Five songs I know all the words to
> S.H.E's Re Dai Yu Lin - I just love this song! It's the reason I start listening to S.H.E
> S.H.E's Hua Dou Kai Hao Le - the theme song of the taiwanese drama The Rose
> S.H.E's Hou Niao - yes, I love S.H.E!
> Wang Lee Hom's Wei Yi - the first song of his that I heard, and still my all-time favourite.
> Hoobastank's The Reason - you have no idea how many times I've sung that in SingStar!

Five things I would do with 100 million dollars
> Travel around the world, and bring my loved ones with me
> Go to every single Lee Hom and S.H.E concert until I've spent it all
> Donate to charitable organisations
> Put it in my savings... hey, it might sound boring, but at least I'm set for life!
> Buy Sony Vaio, Sony network players, Sony handphones... You get the idea :D

Five things I would never wear
> Denim miniskirts with leggings... I hate that combination!
> High heels... because I love my feet
> Huge sunglasses... I can't pull them off one bit
> Ripped jeans... I don't know, I just think it's not value for money. Hehe.
> Puffy skirts... I can't pull it off, and actually, many who wear these can't, either.

Five favourite TV shows
> Prison break - a very, very new favourite. So far, I've only watched the first 2-hour episode, but I know I'm hooked!
> Black Hole High on Disney Channel - so wanna watch the movie!
> Arrested Development - such a dysfunctional family.. worse than Malcolm in the Middle
> SVU - the only show in the crime detective genre that I watch often
> Doctor Who - when's the new season out in NZ?! I wish Christopher Eccleston (that how you spell his name?) was still the Doctor!

Five bad habits
> Procrastinating, always leaving things till the very last minute. There should be a Procrastinators Anonymous!
> Biting my fingernails till they bleed when I'm nervous
> Not making eye contact at all times when talking to people
> Eating every single morsel of food on my plate, even when I feel bloated... it's sort of a habit from young. My babysitter was very adamant on us not wasting any food.
> Not knowing when to shut up

Five biggest joys
> Knowing that I've achieved a goal I set for myself... that sense of accomplishment and pride is just incomparable
> My cousins... yes, that's more than one, but let's just classify that as one joy, okies?
> If I meet Wang Lee Hom, S.H.E, Leo Ku, Robin Williams or Haley Joel Osment in person
> Whenever I finish writing a story, and think that it's good... I'll be in satisfaction heaven!
> Reconnecting with old friends

Five people I want to do the same list
Would have mentioned Shing Yee, but she got tagged by Chia Ling first! Darn..
> Hui Ying - see, darling? No excuse to have blogging blocks!
> Chi Yee - I bet Shing will wanna tag you, but I have dibs! Hehe.
> John - stop talking about depressing stuff like studies and exams in your blog, boy!!
> Huey Yi - something fun to cheer up your emo blog
> Faye - that is, if you still blog.. miss you, girl!

See... now you people can't say I have a depressing blog. :P

"You shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"It's not what's outside, it's what's inside that counts."

"Appearances are not important, it's who you are that is important."

How many times have you heard the above sentences before? Many times, I would believe. Parents, teachers, friends... even Hollywood movies (occasionally) tell us so. They are good messages. They tell us that appearances aren't everything. It's who we are as people: our moral value, our personality, our integrity, our... inner beauty, if you will, that matters most of all. You may not be beautiful on the outside, but you may dazzle with the brilliance of a thousand suns on the inside.

What a freaking cliche.

It's not that I disagree. Oh, I agree wholeheartedly, seeing as I'm not one of those beautiful people you see on magazines, television, or even on the street. I am plain. I know that, and I can accept it. I don't need to be beautiful on the outside to know I deserve happiness like everyone else. Except... I'm not that beautiful on the inside, either. Like my appearance, I'm plain on the inside. So sometimes, I wonder, does that make me less deserving?

I'll admit, I have bad thoughts sometimes, especially when I'm in a rage. I'd wish some people would just drop dead and die. I've enjoyed seeing some people suffer, and I even make them suffer. And sometimes, I have absolutely no empathy at all. I admit to all those crimes. Right now, I feel like the ugliest person on earth.

But I regret having those thoughts. I regret my actions and behavior, especially when I actually contribute to other people's suffering. I am not so cold and cruel as to believe my every action to be right. And I try my best to be a good person: a good student, friend, daughter... but it's just not that easy. I slip, and I forget sometimes... And the ugly side of me rears its horrendous head, scaring even me.

So I'm not beautiful inside. In fact, I can be very, very ugly at times. Does that mean I'm less deserving of life and happiness than others?

I'm not always ugly on the inside. I may not radiate with purity and goodness like some people, but I definitely try my best to be good. And effort and sincerity should count towards something, shouldn't they?

I don't need to be beautiful on the inside to deserve the happiness every human being should have the right towards. I don't. I try my best, and I am sincere... and that, should be sufficient enough.

I wish I didn't need to remind myself of that everyday.