Sunday, January 08, 2006
(Story) Untitled
Okay, I have two stories to post up today. Well, technically, it's one story but with two different versions... But who cares?
Anyway, it's based on the story I did about protest, abortion, pro-choice, etc... The story was crappy. So, instead, I decided to write a new story. Which doesn't talk about protest, abortion or pro-choice, etc.
For some reason, I couldn't decide what type of ending I really want for my story... so I had two different versions with alternate endings. Not much changes, to be honest. I just changed the last two paragraphs, that's all. So if you're lazy to re-read the whole thing for the second version, just scroll down and read the last two paragraphs.
Anyway, comments please! Whether it be criticism or flames or praise, I welcome it with open arms. I really need the feedback, guys, so I can improve. Enjoy!
By the way, I couldn't think of a suitable title for the stories. I thought of "Reunion", but it seemed to give away part of the story through the title. If you think of any, let me know!
Version One:
She was sixteen when she became pregnant. She came home crying to our parents, begging for help and forgiveness. Father stiffened, his expressionless face telling it all. Mother gave a shrill cry, slapping my sister across the face. The humiliation, the humiliation! No one bothered to ask my sister how she felt.
"A wedding!" my mother promptly decided. "Before her belly shows."
My sister hung her head in shame, unable to say otherwise. It is a curse to be born a Chinese. We have no free will before our parents, and nothing else is as important to us as pride. Not even the welfare of our children.
*
"What a pretty dress!" I exclaimed, touching the white chiffon dress lightly, afraid that I might tear the flimsy material. "Jie*, is this what you're gonna wear?"
Before my sister could answer, my mother snapped, "Don't be silly, Mei! This dress is too expensive! We can get a secondhand one."
I turned to look at my sister. She was looking down on an album of wedding dresses, turning the pages slowly. I clambered up the bench she sat on, trying to look at the pictures.
"Eh?"
Drops of water were splattered across the yellowing pages. I, too young to understand, thought they were water spots.
*
The night before the wedding day, my sister's friends stayed the night. After hanging up their bridesmaids' dresses, they locked the door and huddled around my sister. I sat down on the cool cement floor, watching the three girls curiously.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Lin?"
"Jenny, I - I have no choice."
"Yes, you do! You can cancel the wedding. It's not too late."
"I can't cancel. You know as well as I do, Sara."
I turned away. An unexplained embarrassment fell upon me as the three girls sobbed quietly in the night.
*
During the wedding dinner, my sister smiled and nodded at every single relative present, hiding her tears behind her makeup. The groom laughed and made jokes, acting as if their marriage was of a normal circumstance. Mother smiled at Father, happy that no one could see my sister's growing belly. Yet everyone knew the truth. Everyone knew that my sister had brought shame to the family. Throughout the dinner, they whispered about the pregnancy and my sister, the black sheep.
*
Marriage did not suit my new brother-in-law. He was impatient with the baby, insisting that it was my sister's job to look after their child. He went out everyday, claiming to be on a job hunt, yet was still jobless after four months. Although it was tradition that the bride was to live with the husband's family, Father decided to support my sister and husband by allowing them to stay in our house. My sister decided to take on a part-time job to help support the family. Sometimes, after work, she would complained to Mother about how tired she felt and how much she wished her husband would get a job soon. "You brought this on yourself," was my mother's cold reply.
*
They were shouting again. Even from inside my room, I could hear their argument clearly as my baby nephew cried for attention.
"You were supposed to get a job! It's been nearly a year!"
"I'm still looking! It's not my fault that employers are picky!"
"Oh really? How is it then that I got a job at McDonald's?"
"Bah! Who wants to work there? It's a lousy job with lousy pay!"
"Look who's picky! At least I have a salary! Why don't you stay at home instead? I can get a full-time job and you can look after Brian."
"Are you crazy? What type of a man would I be if I stayed at home?"
"One that loves his family!"
"Yeah? Well, I hate this family!"
There was a short silence, followed by the loud 'bang!' of a door being slammed. I opened my door slowly, peeking at my brother-in-law as he stormed out of the house. The tires of his car screeched painfully as he drove away. When I closed my door, I saw my parents staring at the door of my sister's room.
*
Our parents were relieved when the divorce became final. They finally accepted that marriage should not have been the solution to my sister's pregnancy. If only they realized sooner.
My sister was a wreck. Years of pent-up emotions led her to be a guarded person. She was unwilling to let anyone in, even our parents. She left our house, and took her son with her. We have not heard from her since.
*
A few days ago, I received a call. It was from Brian, my nephew, who was now twenty-four years old.
"Mum is ready to see you, Aunt Mei."
I did not believe him at first. I had not been in contact with my sister for more than two decades. I searched for her for many years, yet was unable to find her. Now that the opportunity has arrived, I was so shocked I could not respond.
"Aunt Mei? Hello?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'm here, Brian. I'm ready to see her too. I've been ready for twenty-two years."
*
We arranged to meet at a cafe. I had hoped to visit my sister in her home, but Brian was reluctant when I mentioned it. And so, I waited patiently for my sister to arrive. I have never felt more excited.
I had been waiting for almost an hour, worrying and panicking silently, when a hand patted me on my shoulder. I turned around.
"Sorry for being late, Mei."
I could not hold back the tears. In front of me was a middle-aged woman, but all I saw was the eighteen-year-old girl who left home more than twenty years ago. My sister, my beloved sister, was back.
Note: * Jie, or rather, the full word, Jie jie, is a Chinese term meaning "older sister".
Version Two:
She was sixteen when she became pregnant. She came home crying to our parents, begging for help and forgiveness. Father stiffened, his expressionless face telling it all. Mother gave a shrill cry, slapping my sister across the face. The humiliation, the humiliation! No one bothered to ask my sister how she felt.
"A wedding!" my mother promptly decided. "Before her belly shows."
My sister hung her head in shame, unable to say otherwise. It is a curse to be born a Chinese. We have no free will before our parents, and nothing else is as important to us as pride. Not even the welfare of our children.
*
"What a pretty dress!" I exclaimed, touching the white chiffon dress lightly, afraid that I might tear the flimsy material. "Jie, is this what you're gonna wear?"
Before my sister could answer, my mother snapped, "Don't be silly, Mei! This dress is too expensive! We can get a secondhand one."
I turned to look at my sister. She was looking down on an album of wedding dresses, turning the pages slowly. I clambered up the bench she sat on, trying to look at the pictures.
"Eh?"
Drops of water were splattered across the yellowing pages. I, too young to understand, thought they were water spots.
*
The night before the wedding day, my sister's friends stayed the night. After hanging up their bridesmaids' dresses, they locked the door and huddled around my sister. I sat down on the cool cement floor, watching the three girls curiously.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Lin?"
"Jenny, I - I have no choice."
"Yes, you do! You can cancel the wedding. It's not too late."
"I can't cancel. You know as well as I do, Sara."
I turned away. An unexplained embarrassment fell upon me as the three girls sobbed quietly in the night.
*
During the wedding dinner, my sister smiled and nodded at every single relative present, hiding her tears behind her makeup. The groom laughed and made jokes, acting as if their marriage was of a normal circumstance. Mother smiled at Father, happy that no one could see my sister's growing belly. Yet everyone knew the truth. Everyone knew that my sister had brought shame to the family. Throughout the dinner, they whispered about the pregnancy and my sister, the black sheep.
*
Marriage did not suit my new brother-in-law. He was impatient with the baby, insisting that it was my sister's job to look after their child. He went out everyday, claiming to be on a job hunt, yet was still jobless after four months. Although it was tradition that the bride was to live with the husband's family, Father decided to support my sister and husband by allowing them to stay in our house. My sister decided to take on a part-time job to help support the family. Sometimes, after work, she would complained to Mother about how tired she felt and how much she wished her husband would get a job soon. "You brought this on yourself," was my mother's cold reply.
*
They were shouting again. Even from inside my room, I could hear their argument clearly as my baby nephew cried for attention.
"You were supposed to get a job! It's been nearly a year!"
"I'm still looking! It's not my fault that employers are picky!"
"Oh really? How is it then that I got a job at McDonald's?"
"Bah! Who wants to work there? It's a lousy job with lousy pay!"
"Look who's picky! At least I have a salary! Why don't you stay at home instead? I can get a full-time job and you can look after Brian."
"Are you crazy? What type of a man would I be if I stayed at home?"
"One that loves his family!"
"Yeah? Well, I hate this family!"
There was a short silence, followed by the loud 'bang!' of a door being slammed. I opened my door slowly, peeking at my brother-in-law as he stormed out of the house. The tires of his car screeched painfully as he drove away. When I closed my door, I saw my parents staring at the door of my sister's room.
*
Our parents were relieved when the divorce became final. They finally accepted that marriage should not have been the solution to my sister's pregnancy. If only they realized sooner.
My sister was a wreck. Years of pent-up emotions led her to be a guarded person. She was unwilling to let anyone in, even our parents. She left our house, and took her son with her. We have not heard from her since.
*
A few days ago, I received a call. It was from Brian, my nephew, who was now twenty-four years old.
"Please come, Aunt Mei. It'll mean the world to me to meet you on that important day."
I listened quietly to the soft voice of this young man, who was a complete stranger, yet was a close relative.
"I hope you'll turn up. I know Mum would love to see you."
When he hung up, I collapsed onto the ground, holding tightly onto the cradle of the phone. Then, like water bursting out of a dam, tears flowed down my face.
*
I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I arrived at the church. I was nervous. For the first time in twenty-two years, I was going to see my sister. I checked my dress, making sure there was no dirt visible anywhere. I patted my hair anxiously as I entered the church.
"Aunt Mei!"
A tall, young man greeted me with a smile. I froze for a moment. Inside that young man, I caught a glimpse of my sister.
"I'm glad you made it. Mum would be so happy to know you came. Would you like to see her now?"
For a few seconds, I kept silent. To be truthful, I was not sure if I was ready to face my sister again after more than two decades. Yet the urge to see her straightaway burned within me. I nodded my head and followed Brian as he led me through the church.
There were many people around her, so I could not see her face. However, I knew she was there, right in front of me. It was as if she was calling out to me.
"Hullo, Jie. I missed you."
I smiled at her, and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Then, I turned and took a seat. The service was beginning. Throughout the service, I smiled at her. My eyes never left the open casket once.
Anyway, it's based on the story I did about protest, abortion, pro-choice, etc... The story was crappy. So, instead, I decided to write a new story. Which doesn't talk about protest, abortion or pro-choice, etc.
For some reason, I couldn't decide what type of ending I really want for my story... so I had two different versions with alternate endings. Not much changes, to be honest. I just changed the last two paragraphs, that's all. So if you're lazy to re-read the whole thing for the second version, just scroll down and read the last two paragraphs.
Anyway, comments please! Whether it be criticism or flames or praise, I welcome it with open arms. I really need the feedback, guys, so I can improve. Enjoy!
By the way, I couldn't think of a suitable title for the stories. I thought of "Reunion", but it seemed to give away part of the story through the title. If you think of any, let me know!
Version One:
She was sixteen when she became pregnant. She came home crying to our parents, begging for help and forgiveness. Father stiffened, his expressionless face telling it all. Mother gave a shrill cry, slapping my sister across the face. The humiliation, the humiliation! No one bothered to ask my sister how she felt.
"A wedding!" my mother promptly decided. "Before her belly shows."
My sister hung her head in shame, unable to say otherwise. It is a curse to be born a Chinese. We have no free will before our parents, and nothing else is as important to us as pride. Not even the welfare of our children.
"What a pretty dress!" I exclaimed, touching the white chiffon dress lightly, afraid that I might tear the flimsy material. "Jie*, is this what you're gonna wear?"
Before my sister could answer, my mother snapped, "Don't be silly, Mei! This dress is too expensive! We can get a secondhand one."
I turned to look at my sister. She was looking down on an album of wedding dresses, turning the pages slowly. I clambered up the bench she sat on, trying to look at the pictures.
"Eh?"
Drops of water were splattered across the yellowing pages. I, too young to understand, thought they were water spots.
The night before the wedding day, my sister's friends stayed the night. After hanging up their bridesmaids' dresses, they locked the door and huddled around my sister. I sat down on the cool cement floor, watching the three girls curiously.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Lin?"
"Jenny, I - I have no choice."
"Yes, you do! You can cancel the wedding. It's not too late."
"I can't cancel. You know as well as I do, Sara."
I turned away. An unexplained embarrassment fell upon me as the three girls sobbed quietly in the night.
During the wedding dinner, my sister smiled and nodded at every single relative present, hiding her tears behind her makeup. The groom laughed and made jokes, acting as if their marriage was of a normal circumstance. Mother smiled at Father, happy that no one could see my sister's growing belly. Yet everyone knew the truth. Everyone knew that my sister had brought shame to the family. Throughout the dinner, they whispered about the pregnancy and my sister, the black sheep.
Marriage did not suit my new brother-in-law. He was impatient with the baby, insisting that it was my sister's job to look after their child. He went out everyday, claiming to be on a job hunt, yet was still jobless after four months. Although it was tradition that the bride was to live with the husband's family, Father decided to support my sister and husband by allowing them to stay in our house. My sister decided to take on a part-time job to help support the family. Sometimes, after work, she would complained to Mother about how tired she felt and how much she wished her husband would get a job soon. "You brought this on yourself," was my mother's cold reply.
They were shouting again. Even from inside my room, I could hear their argument clearly as my baby nephew cried for attention.
"You were supposed to get a job! It's been nearly a year!"
"I'm still looking! It's not my fault that employers are picky!"
"Oh really? How is it then that I got a job at McDonald's?"
"Bah! Who wants to work there? It's a lousy job with lousy pay!"
"Look who's picky! At least I have a salary! Why don't you stay at home instead? I can get a full-time job and you can look after Brian."
"Are you crazy? What type of a man would I be if I stayed at home?"
"One that loves his family!"
"Yeah? Well, I hate this family!"
There was a short silence, followed by the loud 'bang!' of a door being slammed. I opened my door slowly, peeking at my brother-in-law as he stormed out of the house. The tires of his car screeched painfully as he drove away. When I closed my door, I saw my parents staring at the door of my sister's room.
Our parents were relieved when the divorce became final. They finally accepted that marriage should not have been the solution to my sister's pregnancy. If only they realized sooner.
My sister was a wreck. Years of pent-up emotions led her to be a guarded person. She was unwilling to let anyone in, even our parents. She left our house, and took her son with her. We have not heard from her since.
A few days ago, I received a call. It was from Brian, my nephew, who was now twenty-four years old.
"Mum is ready to see you, Aunt Mei."
I did not believe him at first. I had not been in contact with my sister for more than two decades. I searched for her for many years, yet was unable to find her. Now that the opportunity has arrived, I was so shocked I could not respond.
"Aunt Mei? Hello?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'm here, Brian. I'm ready to see her too. I've been ready for twenty-two years."
We arranged to meet at a cafe. I had hoped to visit my sister in her home, but Brian was reluctant when I mentioned it. And so, I waited patiently for my sister to arrive. I have never felt more excited.
I had been waiting for almost an hour, worrying and panicking silently, when a hand patted me on my shoulder. I turned around.
"Sorry for being late, Mei."
I could not hold back the tears. In front of me was a middle-aged woman, but all I saw was the eighteen-year-old girl who left home more than twenty years ago. My sister, my beloved sister, was back.
Note: * Jie, or rather, the full word, Jie jie, is a Chinese term meaning "older sister".
Version Two:
She was sixteen when she became pregnant. She came home crying to our parents, begging for help and forgiveness. Father stiffened, his expressionless face telling it all. Mother gave a shrill cry, slapping my sister across the face. The humiliation, the humiliation! No one bothered to ask my sister how she felt.
"A wedding!" my mother promptly decided. "Before her belly shows."
My sister hung her head in shame, unable to say otherwise. It is a curse to be born a Chinese. We have no free will before our parents, and nothing else is as important to us as pride. Not even the welfare of our children.
"What a pretty dress!" I exclaimed, touching the white chiffon dress lightly, afraid that I might tear the flimsy material. "Jie, is this what you're gonna wear?"
Before my sister could answer, my mother snapped, "Don't be silly, Mei! This dress is too expensive! We can get a secondhand one."
I turned to look at my sister. She was looking down on an album of wedding dresses, turning the pages slowly. I clambered up the bench she sat on, trying to look at the pictures.
"Eh?"
Drops of water were splattered across the yellowing pages. I, too young to understand, thought they were water spots.
The night before the wedding day, my sister's friends stayed the night. After hanging up their bridesmaids' dresses, they locked the door and huddled around my sister. I sat down on the cool cement floor, watching the three girls curiously.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Lin?"
"Jenny, I - I have no choice."
"Yes, you do! You can cancel the wedding. It's not too late."
"I can't cancel. You know as well as I do, Sara."
I turned away. An unexplained embarrassment fell upon me as the three girls sobbed quietly in the night.
During the wedding dinner, my sister smiled and nodded at every single relative present, hiding her tears behind her makeup. The groom laughed and made jokes, acting as if their marriage was of a normal circumstance. Mother smiled at Father, happy that no one could see my sister's growing belly. Yet everyone knew the truth. Everyone knew that my sister had brought shame to the family. Throughout the dinner, they whispered about the pregnancy and my sister, the black sheep.
Marriage did not suit my new brother-in-law. He was impatient with the baby, insisting that it was my sister's job to look after their child. He went out everyday, claiming to be on a job hunt, yet was still jobless after four months. Although it was tradition that the bride was to live with the husband's family, Father decided to support my sister and husband by allowing them to stay in our house. My sister decided to take on a part-time job to help support the family. Sometimes, after work, she would complained to Mother about how tired she felt and how much she wished her husband would get a job soon. "You brought this on yourself," was my mother's cold reply.
They were shouting again. Even from inside my room, I could hear their argument clearly as my baby nephew cried for attention.
"You were supposed to get a job! It's been nearly a year!"
"I'm still looking! It's not my fault that employers are picky!"
"Oh really? How is it then that I got a job at McDonald's?"
"Bah! Who wants to work there? It's a lousy job with lousy pay!"
"Look who's picky! At least I have a salary! Why don't you stay at home instead? I can get a full-time job and you can look after Brian."
"Are you crazy? What type of a man would I be if I stayed at home?"
"One that loves his family!"
"Yeah? Well, I hate this family!"
There was a short silence, followed by the loud 'bang!' of a door being slammed. I opened my door slowly, peeking at my brother-in-law as he stormed out of the house. The tires of his car screeched painfully as he drove away. When I closed my door, I saw my parents staring at the door of my sister's room.
Our parents were relieved when the divorce became final. They finally accepted that marriage should not have been the solution to my sister's pregnancy. If only they realized sooner.
My sister was a wreck. Years of pent-up emotions led her to be a guarded person. She was unwilling to let anyone in, even our parents. She left our house, and took her son with her. We have not heard from her since.
A few days ago, I received a call. It was from Brian, my nephew, who was now twenty-four years old.
"Please come, Aunt Mei. It'll mean the world to me to meet you on that important day."
I listened quietly to the soft voice of this young man, who was a complete stranger, yet was a close relative.
"I hope you'll turn up. I know Mum would love to see you."
When he hung up, I collapsed onto the ground, holding tightly onto the cradle of the phone. Then, like water bursting out of a dam, tears flowed down my face.
I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I arrived at the church. I was nervous. For the first time in twenty-two years, I was going to see my sister. I checked my dress, making sure there was no dirt visible anywhere. I patted my hair anxiously as I entered the church.
"Aunt Mei!"
A tall, young man greeted me with a smile. I froze for a moment. Inside that young man, I caught a glimpse of my sister.
"I'm glad you made it. Mum would be so happy to know you came. Would you like to see her now?"
For a few seconds, I kept silent. To be truthful, I was not sure if I was ready to face my sister again after more than two decades. Yet the urge to see her straightaway burned within me. I nodded my head and followed Brian as he led me through the church.
There were many people around her, so I could not see her face. However, I knew she was there, right in front of me. It was as if she was calling out to me.
"Hullo, Jie. I missed you."
I smiled at her, and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Then, I turned and took a seat. The service was beginning. Throughout the service, I smiled at her. My eyes never left the open casket once.
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:35 AM
fate crumbled all around 5 comments
fate crumbled all around 5 comments