Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Never Let You Know
This is something I found in my journal, written about a year ago...
You always make me cry. Make me feel guilty, angry, disappointed, hurt. You make me hate myself. Make me wish that I didn't exist. Always you make me cry. You always blame me for not being the perfect person, for not knowing how to act in my best behaviour, for not knowing automatically what you want me to do. I'm not perfect, I'm not psychic, I'm just... me.
Why can't you see that? Why can't you see under my imperfect and flawed shell that I am perfect... at being me? Nobody's perfect. Not me, not you. I can see past your imperfect shell and love you for you. Why can't you?
I cry almost everyday. People hurt me all the time. Teachers, friends, my sister... and then there's you. I thought you were supposed to be different. You were supposed to love me no matter what. I guess I was wrong.
I hide my tears from you, because I know that you think I cry just to get your sympathy. You think I'm weak. So, I want to show you that I am strong, that your words don't sting me, but they sting. People think I'm strong... but I'm not. Inside, I'm very frail and fragile. I can break at any time.
I hate you, I hate myself. But most of all, I hate myself for hating you. I hate myself for loving you.
You always make me cry, but I'll never let you know.
You always make me cry. Make me feel guilty, angry, disappointed, hurt. You make me hate myself. Make me wish that I didn't exist. Always you make me cry. You always blame me for not being the perfect person, for not knowing how to act in my best behaviour, for not knowing automatically what you want me to do. I'm not perfect, I'm not psychic, I'm just... me.
Why can't you see that? Why can't you see under my imperfect and flawed shell that I am perfect... at being me? Nobody's perfect. Not me, not you. I can see past your imperfect shell and love you for you. Why can't you?
I cry almost everyday. People hurt me all the time. Teachers, friends, my sister... and then there's you. I thought you were supposed to be different. You were supposed to love me no matter what. I guess I was wrong.
I hide my tears from you, because I know that you think I cry just to get your sympathy. You think I'm weak. So, I want to show you that I am strong, that your words don't sting me, but they sting. People think I'm strong... but I'm not. Inside, I'm very frail and fragile. I can break at any time.
I hate you, I hate myself. But most of all, I hate myself for hating you. I hate myself for loving you.
You always make me cry, but I'll never let you know.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:59 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 comments
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