Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Confessions of A Broken Heart
Lately I've been transfixed by Lindsay Lohan's new song, "Confessions of A Broken Heart". Usually I don't listen to Lohan's music, but I came across the music video on the tv. Very raw, very emotional, very intense. The words, "I don't know you, but I still want to", stands out most of all.
CONFESSIONS OF A BROKEN HEART (DAUGHTER TO FATHER) (Lindsay Lohan)
Lyrics of "Confessions of A Broken Heart"
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
And I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
Family in crisis that only grows older
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I am broken, but I am hoping
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me's dying
And these are, these are the confessions
Of a broken heart
And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweater
I dream of another you
The one who would never (never)
Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
Daddy to hold me, that's what I needed
So why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I don't know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
Tell me the truth
Did you ever love me?
'Cuz these are, these are,the confessions
Of a broken heart
Of a broken heart
I love you
I love you
I love you
I...!
I love you!
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I don't know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
Tell me the truth
Did you ever love me?
Did you ever love me?
These are... the confessions
Of a broken heart
Oh.... yeah
And I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com
Lyrics of "Confessions of A Broken Heart"
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
And I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
Family in crisis that only grows older
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I am broken, but I am hoping
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me's dying
And these are, these are the confessions
Of a broken heart
And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweater
I dream of another you
The one who would never (never)
Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
Daddy to hold me, that's what I needed
So why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to go?
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I don't know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
Tell me the truth
Did you ever love me?
'Cuz these are, these are,the confessions
Of a broken heart
Of a broken heart
I love you
I love you
I love you
I...!
I love you!
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I don't know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
Tell me the truth
Did you ever love me?
Did you ever love me?
These are... the confessions
Of a broken heart
Oh.... yeah
And I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:08 PM
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Never Let You Know
This is something I found in my journal, written about a year ago...
You always make me cry. Make me feel guilty, angry, disappointed, hurt. You make me hate myself. Make me wish that I didn't exist. Always you make me cry. You always blame me for not being the perfect person, for not knowing how to act in my best behaviour, for not knowing automatically what you want me to do. I'm not perfect, I'm not psychic, I'm just... me.
Why can't you see that? Why can't you see under my imperfect and flawed shell that I am perfect... at being me? Nobody's perfect. Not me, not you. I can see past your imperfect shell and love you for you. Why can't you?
I cry almost everyday. People hurt me all the time. Teachers, friends, my sister... and then there's you. I thought you were supposed to be different. You were supposed to love me no matter what. I guess I was wrong.
I hide my tears from you, because I know that you think I cry just to get your sympathy. You think I'm weak. So, I want to show you that I am strong, that your words don't sting me, but they sting. People think I'm strong... but I'm not. Inside, I'm very frail and fragile. I can break at any time.
I hate you, I hate myself. But most of all, I hate myself for hating you. I hate myself for loving you.
You always make me cry, but I'll never let you know.
You always make me cry. Make me feel guilty, angry, disappointed, hurt. You make me hate myself. Make me wish that I didn't exist. Always you make me cry. You always blame me for not being the perfect person, for not knowing how to act in my best behaviour, for not knowing automatically what you want me to do. I'm not perfect, I'm not psychic, I'm just... me.
Why can't you see that? Why can't you see under my imperfect and flawed shell that I am perfect... at being me? Nobody's perfect. Not me, not you. I can see past your imperfect shell and love you for you. Why can't you?
I cry almost everyday. People hurt me all the time. Teachers, friends, my sister... and then there's you. I thought you were supposed to be different. You were supposed to love me no matter what. I guess I was wrong.
I hide my tears from you, because I know that you think I cry just to get your sympathy. You think I'm weak. So, I want to show you that I am strong, that your words don't sting me, but they sting. People think I'm strong... but I'm not. Inside, I'm very frail and fragile. I can break at any time.
I hate you, I hate myself. But most of all, I hate myself for hating you. I hate myself for loving you.
You always make me cry, but I'll never let you know.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:59 AM
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Saturday, November 26, 2005
Exam Results Are Out!
Yay! *sing-song tone* I didn't fail! I didn't fail! Lalalalalala~!
Lately, I've been checking online for my exam results. I'm not sure if this is the same in M'sia (oh, I'm so out of touch with home! boohoo!) , but over here in NZ, you can actually check your exam results on the Internet. How cool/convenient is that?! You don't have to check your mailbox everyday, wishing that your results would come. Everything's at the click of a button. NZ is very big on Internet. How big exactly? Well, you can't survive without it, basically. Anyhoo... I digress.
So, I've been checking almost daily for my exam results. Out of 4 papers, only Linguistics was posted. B+. That's good, right? (Ok, maybe it's not for all you straight-A's overachievers, but it is for me) Usually, this is good news. I'm a pretty average student, so getting B+ is good enough for me. The problem is, I didn't do well in my exams this semester. (YOU would have known, if YOU had read my past entries) Linguistics was the best one I did, the only one I was confident I could pass. So if I got a B+ for my best paper, what can I expect from my other papers? I was so horrified at the thought of getting C's or worse!
Everytime I log in to the uni's webpage, I'm sort of half wanting the results to be out, half wanting the results not to be out. Conflicting, I know. I mean, I do want the results to be out as soon as possible, so it can be a relief. A thing of a past. So I can relax. However... I'm worried my results will be horribly, horribly bad, and I don't want it to spoil my holiday mood. I don't want it to hang over me like a bad, black cloud. I'm having my holidays, and I want to enjoy it! Hence, the conflicted feelings.
Anyway, last night (or is it this morning, technically?), after getting high on a strawberry pearl milk tea (yeah, don't drink milk products much), I got home and decided to check my results. I've totally forgotten about them for... a week, tops. Then, while my sis and I had our midnight pearl milk teas, I met Jake from Linguistics. We talked about our results. (The guy got an A! I'm so jealous! I wish I could get an A- for once!) He mentioned about that he just got another paper's result yesterday... which reminded me that I haven't been checking my results like I should! So, when we reached home, I took advantage of the sugar high (or milk high??) I had and took a plunge. I checked my results. After all, I was feeling so giddy that I probably wouldn't be too hurt if I did get horrible results. Turns out...
Ethics - B+ ... Much, much better than I expected. I mean, I didn't even manage to finish my essays! Very happy with this one.
English - B- ... Still, not too bad. I did mess up on the poetry essay.
Human Nature - C+ ... The dreaded paper. Disappointed, but definitely not surprised. I hated this paper. Too intelligent beyond my understanding.
So... there you have it. My exam results. 2 B+'s, 1 B-, 1 C+. I must admit, I relied too much on last minute studying. My New Year's resolutions: Not study at the last minute, Do all my required readings before lectures, and No studying at the last minute!
Of course, I say that everytime, but I never do it. I love procrastinating too much. Hehe. We'll see, eh?
Lately, I've been checking online for my exam results. I'm not sure if this is the same in M'sia (oh, I'm so out of touch with home! boohoo!) , but over here in NZ, you can actually check your exam results on the Internet. How cool/convenient is that?! You don't have to check your mailbox everyday, wishing that your results would come. Everything's at the click of a button. NZ is very big on Internet. How big exactly? Well, you can't survive without it, basically. Anyhoo... I digress.
So, I've been checking almost daily for my exam results. Out of 4 papers, only Linguistics was posted. B+. That's good, right? (Ok, maybe it's not for all you straight-A's overachievers, but it is for me) Usually, this is good news. I'm a pretty average student, so getting B+ is good enough for me. The problem is, I didn't do well in my exams this semester. (YOU would have known, if YOU had read my past entries) Linguistics was the best one I did, the only one I was confident I could pass. So if I got a B+ for my best paper, what can I expect from my other papers? I was so horrified at the thought of getting C's or worse!
Everytime I log in to the uni's webpage, I'm sort of half wanting the results to be out, half wanting the results not to be out. Conflicting, I know. I mean, I do want the results to be out as soon as possible, so it can be a relief. A thing of a past. So I can relax. However... I'm worried my results will be horribly, horribly bad, and I don't want it to spoil my holiday mood. I don't want it to hang over me like a bad, black cloud. I'm having my holidays, and I want to enjoy it! Hence, the conflicted feelings.
Anyway, last night (or is it this morning, technically?), after getting high on a strawberry pearl milk tea (yeah, don't drink milk products much), I got home and decided to check my results. I've totally forgotten about them for... a week, tops. Then, while my sis and I had our midnight pearl milk teas, I met Jake from Linguistics. We talked about our results. (The guy got an A! I'm so jealous! I wish I could get an A- for once!) He mentioned about that he just got another paper's result yesterday... which reminded me that I haven't been checking my results like I should! So, when we reached home, I took advantage of the sugar high (or milk high??) I had and took a plunge. I checked my results. After all, I was feeling so giddy that I probably wouldn't be too hurt if I did get horrible results. Turns out...
Ethics - B+ ... Much, much better than I expected. I mean, I didn't even manage to finish my essays! Very happy with this one.
English - B- ... Still, not too bad. I did mess up on the poetry essay.
Human Nature - C+ ... The dreaded paper. Disappointed, but definitely not surprised. I hated this paper. Too intelligent beyond my understanding.
So... there you have it. My exam results. 2 B+'s, 1 B-, 1 C+. I must admit, I relied too much on last minute studying. My New Year's resolutions: Not study at the last minute, Do all my required readings before lectures, and No studying at the last minute!
Of course, I say that everytime, but I never do it. I love procrastinating too much. Hehe. We'll see, eh?
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:43 PM
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Thursday, November 17, 2005
My brand new camera!
The Canon Ixus 50! My birthday present! (which I had to pay a part of) Isn't it so cool? I took the pic by taking a photo of its reflection in the mirror - which explains the lettering.
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:49 AM
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My Birthday
Pics of my birthday.. not much pictures taken. Too busy licking our fingers - eating Peking Duck! Delicious~! No, I did not take pictures of the duck.
My swatch necklace - it's a swimming pool with a diving board and steps!
Look at the fancy case it came in! Silicon, I think.
My folks
Another necklace - given by my sis.
Me and sis
My oh-so-yummy marble cheesecake!
My swatch necklace - it's a swimming pool with a diving board and steps!
Look at the fancy case it came in! Silicon, I think.
My folks
Another necklace - given by my sis.
Me and sis
My oh-so-yummy marble cheesecake!
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:39 AM
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Obsessed with Hana Kimi
Lately, I've been obsessed with the manga Hana Kimi by Hisaya Nakajo. I even thought about it during exam period. Argh! Obviously, it was a major distraction. Yet... I could not resist its charms. That's how obsessed I am. I even doodled some Hana Kimi characters in my lecture notes!!
For those who don't know about Hana Kimi, here's some pictures.. copyright of Hisaya Nakajo, of course! Basically, the story is about a girl, Mizuki, who disguises herself as a boy to attend an all boys' school. And well, you know the rest. Typical manga stuff.
Left to right: Nakatsu, Ashiya, Sano
Left to right: Sano, Nakatsu, Nanba, Dr. Umeda
My sketches based on the picture above. I don't do them justice, especially Dr. Umeda. He's just too cool to be drawn!! He looks strict here, but in the original pic, he's so cool!
One of my doodles. Not alike, since it's my own version. But still.. not too bad. I've got other doodles as well, but one's so ugly I can't bear to show it. And another is in a thick notebook, so it's too difficult to scan in.
For those who don't know about Hana Kimi, here's some pictures.. copyright of Hisaya Nakajo, of course! Basically, the story is about a girl, Mizuki, who disguises herself as a boy to attend an all boys' school. And well, you know the rest. Typical manga stuff.
Left to right: Nakatsu, Ashiya, SanoLeft to right: Sano, Nakatsu, Nanba, Dr. UmedaMy sketches based on the picture above. I don't do them justice, especially Dr. Umeda. He's just too cool to be drawn!! He looks strict here, but in the original pic, he's so cool!
One of my doodles. Not alike, since it's my own version. But still.. not too bad. I've got other doodles as well, but one's so ugly I can't bear to show it. And another is in a thick notebook, so it's too difficult to scan in.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:55 AM
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Long Time No Blog
Wow. It's been so long since I blogged. I can never understand how some people can update their blogs daily. I admire those people. I'm always too lazy to update my blog. :D So today, I shall do what I was supposed to do... update!
(p/s: feeling extra chipper today 'cos had a fun time with some new pals... haven't met anyone fun for quite a while... or maybe it was that cocktail i had??)
So.. this post will be about my exams. I wanted to summarize my posts into my long one, but decided otherwise. Some of my posts will have pictures, so I thought separating the posts will be better.
I'll be writing in point form, as I am lazy, and bullet points are fun! (or so I say)
(p/s: feeling extra chipper today 'cos had a fun time with some new pals... haven't met anyone fun for quite a while... or maybe it was that cocktail i had??)
So.. this post will be about my exams. I wanted to summarize my posts into my long one, but decided otherwise. Some of my posts will have pictures, so I thought separating the posts will be better.
I'll be writing in point form, as I am lazy, and bullet points are fun! (or so I say)
Exams, exams, exams!!
1st exam: 29 Oct, 2.15pm-5.30pm. ENGLISH. 3 sections, 4 essays: poetry (1 essay), novellas (2 essays), plays (1 essay).
- totally unexpected questions. had assumed novellas as being the easiest section, with plays as the hardest, and poetry as in-between.
- turned out the plays section was the easiest, poetry the hardest, and novellas in-between.
- the poetry part is the worst! i didn't even know what to write! so i had to guess, and bullshit some parts along the way. hopefully my crap essay will be misinterpreted as 'insightful'.
2nd exam: 1st Nov, 9.15am-11.30am. PHILOSOPHY - HUMAN NATURE. 3 sections, 3 essays.
- was extra, extra worried. especially after seeing the questions. wanted to die there and then; dig a hole and bury myself; wished a time portal appeared and sucked me into an endless vortex... etc. basically? i wanted to give up. but i decided to stay and give a shot. after all, it's better than not trying at all, right? please, tell me i'm right. ppleeasse.
- 3 essays, 2 hours - whose shitty idea was that, huh?
- you know, i never liked this course anyway. my crappy essays have a valid reason to be crappy.
- i'm dead.
3rd exam: 2nd Nov, 9.15am-12.30pm. LINGUISTICS. 4 sections, 12 questions.
- was freaking worried before exam. lecturer's words ringing in my ears: "This year's exams will be much harder than before... much harder... much harder... much harder..." and also: "What topics will be tested on? Everything!" gee. thanks for the advice, sir.
- furiously studied the night before. took an energy drink at around 10pm to 11pm to stay awake. thought effect will wear off around 2am.
- 3.30am: crazily wide awake. forced self to sleep.
- luckily, managed to wake up at 6.30am. very energetic. effects of energy drink haven't worn off.
- exam was fantastic! the best so far! i actually knew the answers for nearly all the questions!
- that night, energy drink's effect worn off at around 10pm. that's like, 24 hours, man! now i know why students are so addicted to energy drinks and coffee during exam periods.
4th (and last!) exam: 11 Nov, 9.15am - 11.3oam. PHILOSPHY - ETHICS. 3 sections, 3 essays.
- thought might do well.
- proven wrong. mind went blank near end of exam all of a sudden. ideas flew out of my brain. last essay not finished. doomed!
- yet relieved last exam over. finally, i.. can... ... rest... ... ... Zzzzz.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:27 AM
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