Wednesday, September 28, 2005
An Ode and Elegy to Friendship
I have lost and gained many friends.
I have lost friends through anger, disagreement, misunderstanding and stubbornness.
I have gained friends through appreciation, unity and courage.
I am miserable, yet thankful. Tortured by conflicted feelings, I feel unsure and uncertain about the future I have with my current friends.
Would I still have my old friends had I been more understanding?
Would I have known my current friends had I not cut ties with my old friends?
I have lost:
The girl I met during ballet summer school, exchanged letters with, and later lost contact through my own impatience;
That boy I befriended when I was seven, only to cut ties with him when students laughed at our unusual, platonic friendship;
The girl who allegedly betrayed my other friends and one of my teachers when I was away in New Zealand, whom I never gave a chance to explain;
The girl who was my best friend in primary school, who exploited me, whom I never try to tell how much she hurt me;
That boy who I knew for a short while, who didn't want to talk to me because he was afraid of being seen talking to me, whom I never gave a second chance;
The pen pal I met online, but whom I got tired of, accusing her of being boring, never thinking about how nasty I was;
The friend I had for many years, my first best friend, whose friendship I refused when she quitted ballet;
The bully who couldn't stop bullying my friends, whose many promises to turn over a new leaf were as flimsy as tissue paper;
The nice girl whom everyone loves, whose nasty side was revealed to me, who made many friends unhappy with me when I had a fight with her;
The very same, nice girl who cut her ties with all her friends when she got mad at a mutual friend over a boy, but wanted to know me still, although I can't decide if I still like her, if I had ever liked her.
I have gained:
The daughter of my parents' friends, a girl much younger than me yet we have much to talk about when we see each other;
The eccentric student I met in school, whom I at first found weird, but later found extremely intelligent;
That boy in class whom everyone likes, whom I found out was someone I could depend on;
That new girl whose race was one that I despised, whose kindness and empathy made me realize that I could never judge someone by their appearance;
The girl I knew for a short while, who shared my passion for Harry Potter, who found me a much nicer person than I thought I was, who is my friend still;
That intelligent girl whom I found exaggerating at first, whose laughter I've grown to love, whose deep concern for her friends are often unseen by others;
That girl who came to my 13th birthday party despite the fact I hardly knew her, who made the horrible party bearable, who I lost contact with and regained friendship with;
The student I first met at my first day at school in New Zealand, whom I had looked down upon, and had became a most reliable and supportive friend;
That girl who said 'Hi' to me on the first day of the semester in class, who not only introduced me to more friends, who also made friends with my sister;
The girl whom I shared two classes with last semester, whom I disliked for her attitude, whom I decided deserved a second chance.
There are many more whose friendship I have gained, whose tolerance for my horrid temper and occasional sharp snap I appreciated dearly.
I mourn for my loss, and I cheer for my gain.
Dear friends, you mean more to me than you've ever imagined. I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings with my bluntness and my hot temper. I thank you for everything you've done for me and I thank you for just being there. My friends are very important to me, and I want you to know that.
For those whom I have lost contact with, I am sorry for not keeping in contact. I'm sorry for not giving you a second chance. I'm sorry for being impatient with you. I'm sorry for not being straightforward, for I am a coward. I am sorry, to all those whom I've hurt. I can't say I didn't mean to hurt you, because dreadful as I am, I have intended to hurt you sometimes. I am sorry, and I hope you will find better friends, friends who stick by you thick and thin, as I have.
I have lost friends through anger, disagreement, misunderstanding and stubbornness.
I have gained friends through appreciation, unity and courage.
I am miserable, yet thankful. Tortured by conflicted feelings, I feel unsure and uncertain about the future I have with my current friends.
Would I still have my old friends had I been more understanding?
Would I have known my current friends had I not cut ties with my old friends?
I have lost:
The girl I met during ballet summer school, exchanged letters with, and later lost contact through my own impatience;
That boy I befriended when I was seven, only to cut ties with him when students laughed at our unusual, platonic friendship;
The girl who allegedly betrayed my other friends and one of my teachers when I was away in New Zealand, whom I never gave a chance to explain;
The girl who was my best friend in primary school, who exploited me, whom I never try to tell how much she hurt me;
That boy who I knew for a short while, who didn't want to talk to me because he was afraid of being seen talking to me, whom I never gave a second chance;
The pen pal I met online, but whom I got tired of, accusing her of being boring, never thinking about how nasty I was;
The friend I had for many years, my first best friend, whose friendship I refused when she quitted ballet;
The bully who couldn't stop bullying my friends, whose many promises to turn over a new leaf were as flimsy as tissue paper;
The nice girl whom everyone loves, whose nasty side was revealed to me, who made many friends unhappy with me when I had a fight with her;
The very same, nice girl who cut her ties with all her friends when she got mad at a mutual friend over a boy, but wanted to know me still, although I can't decide if I still like her, if I had ever liked her.
I have gained:
The daughter of my parents' friends, a girl much younger than me yet we have much to talk about when we see each other;
The eccentric student I met in school, whom I at first found weird, but later found extremely intelligent;
That boy in class whom everyone likes, whom I found out was someone I could depend on;
That new girl whose race was one that I despised, whose kindness and empathy made me realize that I could never judge someone by their appearance;
The girl I knew for a short while, who shared my passion for Harry Potter, who found me a much nicer person than I thought I was, who is my friend still;
That intelligent girl whom I found exaggerating at first, whose laughter I've grown to love, whose deep concern for her friends are often unseen by others;
That girl who came to my 13th birthday party despite the fact I hardly knew her, who made the horrible party bearable, who I lost contact with and regained friendship with;
The student I first met at my first day at school in New Zealand, whom I had looked down upon, and had became a most reliable and supportive friend;
That girl who said 'Hi' to me on the first day of the semester in class, who not only introduced me to more friends, who also made friends with my sister;
The girl whom I shared two classes with last semester, whom I disliked for her attitude, whom I decided deserved a second chance.
There are many more whose friendship I have gained, whose tolerance for my horrid temper and occasional sharp snap I appreciated dearly.
I mourn for my loss, and I cheer for my gain.
Dear friends, you mean more to me than you've ever imagined. I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings with my bluntness and my hot temper. I thank you for everything you've done for me and I thank you for just being there. My friends are very important to me, and I want you to know that.
For those whom I have lost contact with, I am sorry for not keeping in contact. I'm sorry for not giving you a second chance. I'm sorry for being impatient with you. I'm sorry for not being straightforward, for I am a coward. I am sorry, to all those whom I've hurt. I can't say I didn't mean to hurt you, because dreadful as I am, I have intended to hurt you sometimes. I am sorry, and I hope you will find better friends, friends who stick by you thick and thin, as I have.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:24 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 comments
fate crumbled all around 0 comments